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Lakewood, NJ vs. NYC
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Tue, Feb 07 2023, 8:50 pm
mha3484 wrote:
If you could afford chicago my son spent 2nd grade in a jewish class in a therapeutic school. Some similarities and some differences to your seven year old. He made a ton of progress there.


What about Chicago? Seems like a great option.
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2023, 2:54 pm
amother Teal wrote:
That's so sad, is there any schools that accommodate similar type of needs?


Maybe the Childrens Center
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amother
Lightgray


 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2023, 3:09 pm
Kiwi13 wrote:
I was afraid of this, but thank you. B”H my kids don’t have any extreme behaviors. My younger son hits his siblings sometimes or pulls his sister’s hair or throws an occasional toy, but so do a lot of 5-year-olds. In general he’s a very well behaved child who works very hard with all of his therapists and teachers. He needs significant OT, PT, speech, and special Ed, but he’s well behaved and has a long attention span, all things considered. He needs individual prompting however. I don’t think he could get through a school day without it. But it’s something we’re all working towards. He’s still in diapers and considered globally developmentally delayed. Can’t sing the ABC song by himself, doesn’t know most of the letter or number symbols yet, can’t reliably count much past 10. There are cognitive issues and it’s hard to know the full extent of it yet. But he is well behaved. The biggest problem he faces in a school setting is his tendency to shut down and go blank-faced when he gets overwhelmed. In the past this was misconstrued as either being bored or possible absent seizures. He doesn’t interact well (or at all) with other kids besides his siblings. He does parallel play and we’re reaching a point where he can play with other kids with a teacher assisting. He tends to be extremely rigid in play (and in everything), and he gets stuck on parts of a task running on loop, so progress is moving slow. He’s verbal, which is a miracle, BH for intensive EI! But what he says often runs on loop as well and he’s hard to understand because of a severe speech issue which is likely caused by abnormalities in his throat. He has autism and 22q11.2

My older son is 7, repeating 1st grade and still struggling. He’s socially and emotionally immature and struggles with academics due to rigidity and inability to move on to the next lesson. At school he holds everything inside and then he comes home and explodes at the first trigger. He’s come a long way (both boys have). He takes meds, which help a lot but not enough. He’s also internalized a lot of trauma this past year, unfortunately. I’m gunning hard to get him everything he needs. A lot of my decisions at the moment are centered around his needs in particular. He has never done well in social settings. Lots of anxiety. Doesn’t have a clue how to make and keep friends. Gravitates toward much younger children and then feels embarrassed that he’s the oldest. He’s in his own world a lot of the time and teachers have expressed that he seems content there, but he complains a lot about not having friends at school and not knowing how to make any. He has autism (high functioning) and extreme ADHD (mixed type).

My daughter (age 5) is typically developing and will do well pretty much anywhere. She’s a social butterfly and I wish her social magic would rub off on me (and her brothers!). Her biggest struggles happen when I’m in the hospital. She cries bitterly every time and it breaks my heart. She’s the reason I fight harder to pull through from my worst illnesses. She’s strong and smart and capable, but if I go down, so will she. I need to keep davening that that never happens.

Anyway, that’s a summary of my kids’ situations in a nutshell. Behaviorally they’re exceptional, at least at school. But they have needs and can easily fall through the cracks if we’re not careful.


It sounds like the first son you mentioned would probably do best in SCHI. Second son would do better in Center. If you end up in Lakewood, that is, which I don't think is the best choice for all the other reasons...

Also, regarding HUD in Lakewood, the waiting list is very long, about 5 years. Don't count on it for immediate help. People will move to neighboring towns to get on HUD there and then transfer to Lakewood, but you don't have that option without jeopardizing special ed.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2023, 3:44 pm
Thanks everyone. I’ve been offline and missed a bunch of things lately. I have COVID. 🤒

Quarantining in South Bend. Trip got unexpectedly extended. I really like South Bend. Really, REALLY like it. So many good things here. A few big hiccups to overcome, but hopefully it won’t be too hard to figure out.

As much as the tri state makes sense on paper, I don’t think it’s good for my family in practice, even if I found a way to afford it. I don’t know if that will change but I’m having trouble concentrating today. Feeling very sick. (Nothing dangerous, B”H, it just hurts.)
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2023, 4:09 pm
I think trying south bend cant hurt. If it doesn't suit you or your finances improve, I think you could find options in Chicago. I can think of a few ideas for your kids needs. I really don't think you need NY or NJ.

Last edited by mha3484 on Wed, Feb 08 2023, 4:33 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2023, 4:30 pm
Kiwi13 wrote:
Thanks everyone. I’ve been offline and missed a bunch of things lately. I have COVID. 🤒

Quarantining in South Bend. Trip got unexpectedly extended. I really like South Bend. Really, REALLY like it. So many good things here. A few big hiccups to overcome, but hopefully it won’t be too hard to figure out.

As much as the tri state makes sense on paper, I don’t think it’s good for my family in practice, even if I found a way to afford it. I don’t know if that will change but I’m having trouble concentrating today. Feeling very sick. (Nothing dangerous, B”H, it just hurts.)

Refua shelaima!!!
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tryinghard




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 09 2023, 3:49 pm
mha3484 wrote:
I think trying south bend cant hurt. If it doesn't suit you or your finances improve, I think you could find options in Chicago. I can think of a few ideas for your kids needs. I really don't think you need NY or NJ.


I don't think you can say that trying a community can't hurt. On her own, or even with really young kids, that makes sense. But Kiwi's kids are 5 and 7. That's a lot of upheaval if it doesn't work out. Not saying it won't, not making an argument for any particular place. But I think it really needs to be very thought out (which is what she is doing!), with a strong eye towards permanence.
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 09 2023, 3:53 pm
I dont disagree. I know very happy people there. It has a lot of benefits. But I think you can really only know a community once you live there so you have to try and be willing to see how it goes. But I think you have to be realistic that it may just be a try and it may not be for you in a few years. No one knows when they choose a place to live how it will work out down the road. You need a balance of permanence and ability to be flexible.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 09 2023, 4:40 pm
Biggest issues in South Bend are schools and medical options. Those are big sticking points but everything else lines up great.

If I trade for a place with better school options and/or medical, I’d probably be trading a lot of the positives. There aren’t many other communities with this many positives (for my specific circumstances, at least).
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 09 2023, 4:43 pm
Kiwi13 wrote:
Biggest issues in South Bend are schools and medical options. Those are big sticking points but everything else lines up great.

If I trade for a place with better school options and/or medical, I’d probably be trading a lot of the positives. There aren’t many other communities with this many positives (for my specific circumstances, at least).


Comer Childrens Hospital which is excellent, its part of Uchicago Hospitals is an hour and a half from south bend so you have that for backup if you find that the local hospitals don't meet your needs. Schools I cant help with sorry.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 09 2023, 4:56 pm
mha3484 wrote:
Comer Childrens Hospital which is excellent, its part of Uchicago Hospitals is an hour and a half from south bend so you have that for backup if you find that the local hospitals don't meet your needs. Schools I cant help with sorry.


Chicago is across state lines.

Indianapolis has very good options too, and not that much farther away than Chicago. If it ends up being all the time, that’s a problem. But every once in a while isn’t so bad. I doubt it would be an all the time thing anyway. South Bend isn’t some dinky little middle-of-nowhere town, like I said. Together with Mishawaka, this is a real city with real resources. Two hospital systems. Question is, do they have the specific specialists we need on a regular basis? I’m still trying to find out.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 09 2023, 4:59 pm
South Bend Hebrew Day School is excellent. But they don’t have the resources they’d have if they were in NYS. My boys will probably not be able to attend in the foreseeable future. My older son might be able to transfer in at some point, but who knows. They said they can’t give him the same priority as a child FROM South Bend, which I understand. But it made me sad because I’m not FROM anywhere. Don’t get me started on Cleveland (whose schools refused to even consider my kids even though my ancestors were founding members).
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Thu, Feb 09 2023, 6:57 pm
Kiwi13 wrote:
Biggest issues in South Bend are schools and medical options. Those are big sticking points but everything else lines up great.

If I trade for a place with better school options and/or medical, I’d probably be trading a lot of the positives. There aren’t many other communities with this many positives (for my specific circumstances, at least).

Can u name the positives that you find in south bend that you would be trading in somewhere else?
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amother
Starflower


 

Post Thu, Feb 09 2023, 7:00 pm
Kiwi13 wrote:
Long overwhelming story… please help. I adore South Bend. But the problems are stacking up and I can’t minimize them. Schools, services, low Medicaid cap, limited healthcare resources, no busing to the day school (I actually cried today when I found that out 😭), very low chance of remarriage if that ever gets onto my radar (I hope one day it will)…

I’m realizing our best chance is probably Lakewood or NYC. I’m devastated, but not seeing any way out.

What in the world is with NJ Medicaid? Can someone please explain it to me? How does it work, what is it called, I can’t make sense of it and I’m running on fumes. ETA is there a cap on resources? What if I have money I’m trying to use for a down payment eventually but obviously can’t in the tri state because it’s not enough?

Also, is Lakewood one of those places where you need a ton of money to make it? Are there scholarships? Will we even be accepted by the school and/or community? Are there other single parents? I get it that we’d have to stay within the borders of Lakewood township to get the right services. What about medical care? Do schools have buses? Is Lakewood actually diverse nowadays? How diverse? What is rent like? Zip code I should search to start getting an idea?

Same questions for anywhere NYC.

Im sinking into such a pit of despair I can’t even put words to it. Please help me.

Have you considered Highland Park, NJ vs Lakewood?
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 09 2023, 8:14 pm
amother Starflower wrote:
Have you considered Highland Park, NJ vs Lakewood?


Tell me about it?
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 09 2023, 8:43 pm
amother Royalblue wrote:
Can u name the positives that you find in south bend that you would be trading in somewhere else?


- A small, warm community

- Family who treats me like family

- A landscape that’s familiar to me (midwest)

- A shul I feel comfortable in (small, inviting, comfortable, not about externals)

- The day school would be great for my daughter

- Everything is a short drive away with hardly any traffic.

- Even though South Bend itself is small, it’s not far from larger cities like Chicago.

- Affordable enough for me to buy a 3-bedroom house with a nice yard.

- After searching through all the marketplace insurance plans for Indiana, I found out that even if I’m over the Medicaid cap, my kids will still qualify up to a much higher income level, and I would qualify for a large monthly premium reduction (based on salary). I’d choose a plan with a low annual out of pocket maximum and expect to max out in January every year. This might be true in every state, but I haven’t looked into every state.
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amother
Lightgray


 

Post Fri, Feb 10 2023, 12:56 am
amother Starflower wrote:
Have you considered Highland Park, NJ vs Lakewood?


Ooooh, that might be a very nice idea. Amazing access to medical care, more diverse welcoming community, very decent, open-minded schools and very close to all the tri-state has to offer. Just need to clarify if OP can get decently priced housing and if the district can give her a placement in one of the fantastic special ed schools in North NJ or NY.

My dad is from Highland Park/Edison. Such a great place.
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