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Forum -> Children's Health -> Toilet Training
What do you do when child is just not staying dry?



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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2023, 7:27 pm
I trained my dd at what I thought was a late age,due to technical issues. She was almost three years old, and is now a bit over three. It's been at least two months and her underwear is constantly wet. She goes to the bathroom only when told, and often argues or refuses to go. Doesn't seem to be bothered by wet underwear, and doesn't ask to change. She's not my first child, but I've never had such a hard time toilet training. I'm trying bribing her with a prize at the end of the day if her underwear is dry, not working. What can I do? Do people really put a child back in diapers after such a long time? And at this age?
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2023, 7:44 pm
That sounds so stressful.
It is really hard when they keep making and arent bothered.

Personally, I dont think before 3 is old, even after is fine. Still all normal.

Iv just trained my over 3 yo and still not gone without a hitch.

Sorry youre going through this, hope youl get some good advice.
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amother
Viola


 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2023, 8:17 pm
Do not go back to diapers for leaking. It's normal not all kids are perfect at toilet training. I would get a potty watch that beeps at intervals and I would continue offering incentives. Just keep at it, it gets better. Some kids train instantly and some take a lot longer, just be patient.
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amother
Blueberry


 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2023, 8:54 pm
Put a timer on every hour or hour and a half and take her to the bathroom.
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amother
Daphne


 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2023, 8:58 pm
If she is so resistant then yes I would go back to diapers. You don’t want to end up with enuresis.
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BrisketBoss




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2023, 9:00 pm
To no one's surprise who reads my post on this, yes I woul go back to diapers. Toilet training isn't inherently necessary (and it can cause a lot of problems besides) and most kids who don't go through a training program decide to start toileting between 3 and 4. Can be a little earlier or later of course.

Underwear is for people who stay dry. No one of any age or ability level who doesn't stay dry should be walking around without protection. It's a reasonable boundary.


Last edited by BrisketBoss on Wed, Feb 08 2023, 9:19 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Sunflower


 

Post Wed, Feb 08 2023, 9:01 pm
I toilet trained in August. My child is just now over the past maybe 2 months going to the bathroom by herself without being reminded. And she will still have an accident, usually it'll be in the bathroom, where she waited till the last second and then just couldn't, like once every two weeks.

It is very normal for them to have accidents for for sure the first 6 months and it takes quite a few months for them to start going by themselves.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Feb 09 2023, 1:51 pm
amother Blueberry wrote:
Put a timer on every hour or hour and a half and take her to the bathroom.
I did this in the beginning, but it became a power struggle. She sits on the toilet and refuses to go when she gets into her moods...
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amother
Daphne


 

Post Thu, Feb 09 2023, 2:35 pm
amother OP wrote:
I did this in the beginning, but it became a power struggle. She sits on the toilet and refuses to go when she gets into her moods...
Put the diapers back on and let her decide when she’s ready to keep underwear dry. There’s no way to force her to toilet when she doesn’t want to.
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amother
Darkblue


 

Post Thu, Feb 09 2023, 2:49 pm
amother Daphne wrote:
Put the diapers back on and let her decide when she’s ready to keep underwear dry. There’s no way to force her to toilet when she doesn’t want to.


This.

I've trained four kids. Two with ADHD, one with sensory issues, one with anxiety. So they should not have been easy to train.

WIth the oldest, I tried three times. Once at 2.5, once at 3, and then once at 3.5. The first two times I could tell after a couple of days that it wasn't working, so I went back to diapers. The third time, at 3.5, he had ONE accident and then almost none ever again. (Might have had one or two at some point, I don't remember, which is why I added "almost.")

After that, I never rushed to potty train again. If you try to train them and it doesn't work, switch back to diapers in a very matter-of-fact way, and try again at least a few months later. At some point, they want it more than you do, and then they "train" easily. You can keep some parts of the routine -- going on the potty every night before a bath, or something, just to keep up whatever skill they've already gotten. But no power struggles. Just not worth it in the long run.

My others trained relatively easily, also "late." (One had a hard time in school because he was scared of the toilet there...) My fifth is 2.5 right now, and I'm in no rush to train her. She'll let me know when she's ready. I never understood why people trained their kids early and then dealt with hundreds of accidents and the stress of having to be on top of the kid...I'd much rather it come from them than from me, when they're mature enough to want it.
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amother
Hawthorn


 

Post Thu, Feb 09 2023, 2:55 pm
She's clearly not ready. Put her back in diapers and don't say/try anything for another few months.
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