Does your husband give you money

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Feb 14 2023, 10:50 am

amother NeonYellow wrote:

Honestly no I never looked at it that way I understood it to be the norm but yes I am very grateful that I dont have major issues in this area bh
Marriage should be this way. Children are shared, love is shared, kindness is shared, responsibilities are shared and so should finances be shared.

“Normal” is the biggest Bracha!

amother

Ultramarine

Tue, Feb 14 2023, 11:55 am

My husband is in kollel and until a few years back I dealt with all the finances. As the family grew it became too much for me and I asked him to take over - it was self understood that it was his responsibility that I had been doing as a favor so he could sit and learn. Now, the money flow is the same but the pressure to meet bills etc is off me.

We have a joint account, his kollel check and my salary go in every month. I double check with him before spending more than $100 to make sure there is money to cover but it's not permission, it's just common sense.

And yes, he gives me money sometimes - for myself. It's really nice when you're on such a tight budget to have some cash which is for you. I really appreciate it. Even $20 which he says, not for the house or the kids but for anything you need does a lot for me.

There's a huge difference between people on a high income and people who are just making ends meet. If there's no spare cash, there needs to be communication before even small purchases. If there is plenty, your point where you need to communicate is higher.

We're pulling together to make this work. I'd be resentful if he was using the money for his own stuff and I had no spending money but it's not like that at all.

OP there is no "normal". Do what works for you. If you're feeling resentful, it's time to rethink.

amother

Cantaloupe

Tue, Feb 14 2023, 4:15 pm

amother Clover wrote:

If I need to ask before I spend is that a problem

My dh handles all the bills (accounting bores me) and our accounts are shared. I always ask if I'm about to buy something expensive not because I'm asking for permission but I'm asking if we can afford it right now.

amother

Babypink

Tue, Feb 14 2023, 6:01 pm

amother Buttercup wrote:

It also depends on your financial situation. We pretty much max it out every month so yes I do ask before spending any money, but it's more from the standpoint of - can this be afforded now - rather than - may I please?

Same. We have the same money and the same goals… only reason I would ask would be because I respect his say in our finances as much as mine. It’s more like “Do you this thing I want to purchase is a good use of our budget”

amother

Bronze

Tue, Feb 14 2023, 8:41 pm

amother NeonYellow wrote:

Incorrect! Torah and kesuba says a man must provide for his wife and kids. Its his chiyuv to provide for his wifes needs. Technically according to the torah a women does not need to work because the financial burden is on the man

Technically if she has her own income it’s a different story then what the system was set up for.

amother

Cadetblue

Tue, Feb 14 2023, 9:08 pm

amother Ultramarine wrote:

I think even if there is no spare cash, each spouse should have $5 set aside no questions asked. It is so freeing for the mind and frees the mental burden.
We did this.
We could opt not to spend the $5 but it was there ask discretionary funding, no need to ask.
BH we are no longer in that position.