|
|
|
|
|
Forum
-> Parenting our children
amother
OP
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 6:01 am
Bh I was brought up in a healthy, stable home with a wonderful mother. I think I get my parenting techniques from her and logic, instinct. I don’t read books, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t asked others for advice. I would consider myself a strict, but fair.
What about you and what do you consider your parenting style?
| |
|
Back to top |
0
0
|
amother
Emerald
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 6:07 am
Trial and error a marriage of my style my husbands style our parents style and the style of people we respect adjusted to meet the reality/needs of our children
| |
|
Back to top |
0
2
|
amother
Aquamarine
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 6:28 am
My parents were awful. Thank Gd I read the book "Children: the Challenge" before my oldest was 2.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
1
|
amother
DarkOrange
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 6:29 am
amother OP wrote: | Bh I was brought up in a healthy, stable home with a wonderful mother. I think I get my parenting techniques from her and logic, instinct. I don’t read books, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t asked others for advice. I would consider myself a strict, but fair.
What about you and what do you consider your parenting style? |
Do you ever read any of the parenting threads here?
| |
|
Back to top |
0
0
|
amother
Seafoam
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 6:40 am
Definetly my mother. She made us into confident people and I try and emulate her. My style is relaxed. I don't say no often and I try not to get heated when things break etc. I want my kids to grow and discover. I love natural consequences as well. My goal is for my kids to become emotionally healthy people and I try as hard as I can to compliment, show interest in them, make them feel special, tell them how much I love them, buy them prizes so they feel special,etc. Ages are 3, 2, and baby
| |
|
Back to top |
0
2
|
amother
Marigold
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 6:50 am
|
Back to top |
0
1
|
amother
Babypink
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 7:20 am
I follow logical techniques and not .emotions/moods roller coaster which is the way I was raised
| |
|
Back to top |
0
0
|
amother
Navy
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 7:27 am
That's so beautiful to get parenting from your mother! I hope my kids will say that about me!
| |
|
Back to top |
0
5
|
amother
Gardenia
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 7:39 am
Same, my mom and grandmother before her. To me, my Grandmother was the absolute epitome of an Eishet Chayil. She was warm, loving, thoughtful, regal, organized, the best cook, alway there, I can just go on and on. My sister feels the same and we both said whenever in doubt, be it a child, work, shalom bayit, or social issue- we think before we act and imagine what she would do.
She is long gone, but I do seek counsel from my mother and advice from my sister as needed. I am aware of how very blessed I am.
Someone asked if OP reads the parenting threads. I do, but some things make me cringe beyond belief.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
3
|
DreamerForever
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 8:26 am
I am not the jealous type, but folks: here is where I get really jealous.
I would give anything to have had a mother that I wanted to emulate. Both for the stability and secure atachment that would give me now as an adult; and to have a way to follow.
I know this is my journey, and it isn't a mistake-- but often I can't help thinking how amazing it would be to have that healthy base from where to build; instead of having to struggle for basic things- and trying to live and thrive with CPTSD.
Having said that, my being in therapy has definitely improved my parenting a lot. Being very self aware and attuned to my own feelings helps me do the same for my own children. My therapist also encourages me that all the painful inner work I am doing-- gets me to a very real place which many 'regular' people don't get to. And this fosters more connection and understanding for my children and in all my relationships.
Still, being in therapy as a parent can be really hard.
| |
|
Back to top |
1
5
|
amother
Mint
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 8:59 am
I also get my methods from my mother.
Although I do the exact opposite as she would’ve done. I learned from her what not to do to innocent kids.
It’s not perfect but way better than the childhood I had.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
2
|
Chayalle
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 9:46 am
I definitely got plenty in different ways from my upbringing, including my parents and grandparents. But I took a parenting course with Mrs. Leah Trenk, and I consider her my mentor in parenting.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
1
|
BrisketBoss
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 10:11 am
amother Aquamarine wrote: | My parents were awful. Thank Gd I read the book "Children: the Challenge" before my oldest was 2. |
So cool to see someone else mention that! It's the only parenting book my MIL read and first one I read, when I had my first newborn. (MIL strongly recommends it to everyone, and recently brought it up to me again while giving unsolicited advice after asking permission to do so. Ironically, however, at this point I am really into some big ideas from that book that I know she does not believe in or follow.)
Later I got into Janet Lansbury and then Robin Einzig who is less well known. She has a blog and a strictly run Facebook group, participation in which she would like you to think of as taking a class. There is also a new project, a membership website with some free content. Anyway, as anyone could guess from my posts, she promotes respectful parenting. She remembers what it is like to be a child and she advocates for the child. Robin also studied child development and worked with children for many years. Now her work is with parents.
A lot of the stuff I've read about was my natural inclination anyway, because of my personality I guess. I also think I had a good childhood overall and was parented just fine but it's easy to identify areas where I want to do things differently. When I try to think about things that I consciously do because my mother did, I think more about care and activities than what you might call parenting techniques.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
0
|
amother
Buttercup
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 10:20 am
I don't follow any particular parenting method or approach.
I read widely, listen to a lot of podcasts, pick up ideas that seem to work but don't feel pressured to live up to anyone else's parenting style.
What works for me is radical acceptance: Accepting that Hashem wanted me to grow up with the parents I had, have the personality I have, have the children I have. My house won't be as smooth and well-functioning as someone else's and that's okay. I have to work with what I have.
Reducing my internal anxiety about how I"m parenting or how my kids will turn out has been huge in making me a more functional mother.
As to my own mother: As I grow older I admire her more and appreciate more the challenges she faced and how she dealt with them. At the same time, I was overworked and carried a lot of the responsibility for the family at an early age which definitely affected me. I do not have a close relationship with her (it's respectful but distant). BH I have a mentor for 30+ years who has been like a mother to me. B"H.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
3
|
amother
Chambray
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 12:51 pm
Chayalle wrote: | I definitely got plenty in different ways from my upbringing, including my parents and grandparents. But I took a parenting course with Mrs. Leah Trenk, and I consider her my mentor in parenting. |
do you know if she still gives parenting workshops?
| |
|
Back to top |
0
1
|
mushkamothers
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 1:11 pm
I've been reading parenting stuff since I was in 5th grade and the school gave us newsletters to bring home. I was a camp counselor since age 13 and always reading up on kids behavior, I used to babysit and read the parenting books on the shelves.
When my first was a newborn I think I read every single sleep book available... literally... including some very obscure ones.
So my own approach is heavily researched and because I'm an educator by nature I like Montessori (who was a scientist) as a basis + attachment science + neuroscience + child development psychology + newer research on trauma and inner child stuff + Torah hashkafa + some good old common sense which yes I learned from my mother like giving kids bedtimes and making sure they're fed.
There's no word for this but this is also what I teach.
For a shortcut word, "respectful" or "conscious" could do but I think of it more as very intentional and on-purpose.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
0
|
amother
Tanzanite
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 1:43 pm
Chayalle wrote: | I definitely got plenty in different ways from my upbringing, including my parents and grandparents. But I took a parenting course with Mrs. Leah Trenk, and I consider her my mentor in parenting. |
Does Rebbetzen Trenk have any video's on Chinuch on Youtube?
| |
|
Back to top |
0
0
|
amother
NeonPurple
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 1:47 pm
|
Back to top |
0
1
|
amother
Catmint
|
Wed, Mar 01 2023, 1:56 pm
I found this video of Leah Trenk talking about her late husband, not sure if she talks about parenting in it.
https://youtu.be/_vala9QGU6E
ETA it’s a really beautiful video! She discusses her husband’s chinuch methods which I assume were similar to hers. Would love to attend a course given by her if she still gives them.
| |
|
Back to top |
0
0
|
Related Topics |
Replies |
Last Post |
|
|
If you're expecting to get comments about your parenting
|
0 |
Sun, Apr 21 2024, 1:38 pm |
|
|
S/o Parenting with limited finances
|
36 |
Thu, Apr 18 2024, 3:27 pm |
|
|
Parenting the sensitive child
|
2 |
Tue, Apr 09 2024, 7:48 pm |
|
|
Parenting course for complicated kids
|
23 |
Sun, Mar 31 2024, 9:58 am |
|
|
Parenting questions
|
4 |
Tue, Mar 26 2024, 8:29 am |
|
|
Imamother may earn commission when you use our links to make a purchase.
© 2024 Imamother.com - All rights reserved
| |
|
|
|
|
|