No child care tonight & womens reading @ 9:30pm - sexist?

amother

Melon

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 3:49 pm

amother Cyclamen wrote:

Am I the only one who wouldn’t even find it extremely problematic if the first leining was no women? Not all shuls have space for every man coming to the same minyan without overflowing to the ezras nashim, let alone potentially doubling that amount of people.

Are we going to say now that you can only hold a minyan if you have space for absolutely everyone all the time? Or they’re allowed to break it up into men/women and if that doesn’t work for you, go to a larger shul

Does it happen that in a shul with an ezras nashim - women are told not to come to Megillah?

amother

Linen

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 3:49 pm

amother Birch wrote:

That’s not her issue 9:30 is to late which it really isn’t cause she wakes up to an infant at night.

I am at the point of getting up every 2 hours with an infant. Of course I would rather go to sleep earlier. But it's purim 1x per year. There are options if she wants to go to an earlier one. Get a babysitter at home or dh goes later. Or else if ur shul is the type then you could try to bring the baby.

amother

Opal

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 3:50 pm

amother Linen wrote:

So then why bring the child? You need to rehear megillah if you go out with a child

Some people would rather take the chance.

amother

Honey

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 3:52 pm

amother Birch wrote:

That’s not her issue 9:30 is to late which it really isn’t cause she wakes up to an infant at night.

So she can go to a diff shul.

Second reading in my shul is 815

amother

Honey

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 3:54 pm

amother Opal wrote:

Some people would rather take the chance.

And also earn the responsibility/be Michshal other people
Who weren't able to hear the megilla properly and don't have the opportunity to hear it again.

Do the mitzvah and do it right.

Children do not belong at megilla.

Don't take the chance on other people's cheshbon.

flowerpower

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 3:54 pm

amother Melon wrote:

Bring them?

what I found 's@xist' is that the 9:30 reading is Women Only. Let the couple decide who goes to the "main event" and who goes to the 'second reading'.

Most men fast and don’t eat before hearing megilla.

amother

Opal

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 4:00 pm

amother Honey wrote:

Children can come to megilla if they're quiet and parents take them out right away if they make noise.
If you miss a word, you can say it to yourself. I never had that I didn't hear because a kid made noise.

amother

Puce

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 4:03 pm

amother Melon wrote:

she called it a "womens reading"

I’m having a “women’s reading” at my house. Men are not being excluded. If a man shows up he won’t be turned away.

amother

Heather

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 4:03 pm

Op, Megillah reading is around 1/2 hour. You can be in bed at 10:30. It’s a mitzvah to hear Megillah. Most women appreciate having their husbands home to be with the kids at that time. If you don’t like it, then find a shul that has an earlier reading. My shul has first reading at 6:55 and second reading at 8:45. If you wanted to be with the men who are breaking their fast together then go join them after Megillah.
If anything, I think your shul is very kind to have a second reading. Not every shul does that. Most adults who don’t have babies are probably fasting so they really wouldn’t want to watch your baby earlier.

amother

Puce

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 4:04 pm

amother Melon wrote:

she called it a "womens reading"

I’m having a “women’s reading” at my house. Men are not being excluded. If a man shows up he won’t be turned away. Also it’s generally called a “women’s reading” because men tend to hear Megillah when they go to shul for maariv, so there are more women who need to hear.

tichellady

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 4:09 pm

amother Opal wrote:

She didn't say that it's not open to women. She said that the shul doesn't provide childcare so she can't go to the main reading.

it wasn't clear to me what she meant.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 4:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

I think you missed the point. lots of shuls have child care at the main reading after maariv so the whole family -- men, women, kids old enough to hear megilah -- can go together and all hear megilah, eat the breakfast, and socialize.

In my life Ive been to many different shuls for megilalh reading. I have never heard of child care or socializing after the megilah reading. Everyone wants to get home to break their fast.

OP, many couples split up to hear the megilah. Thats normal so often. Why cant your husband go to the second reading or find one that isnt only for women, and you go to an easrlier one?

amother

Opal

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 4:37 pm

OP, the 2nd readings in shuls in my community is around 8:15-8:30. Isn't there a shul in the neighborhood with an earlier 2nd reading?

amother

Marigold

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 4:37 pm

amother OP wrote:

OP where do you live? I have never seen this. People are usually running back home or to family both after fast and next morning. I have davened in different countries, states and communities.
Btw is there nothing earlier?
We arranged for someone to read at about 8:00 for our children and grandchildren- best idea ever. Everyone together in the house.

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 4:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

shul doesn't have child care / babysitting tonight for the megilah reading and is having a women's reading at 9:30pm? is this sexist and offensive? I've got a baby and I get woken up at 4am every night they expect me go back out at 9:30pm for the megillah reading after the men already had their reading, had their fun breakfast buffet, socialized and danced, etc.? women have to fast but don't even get to partake in the breakfast buffet?

Sexist? Now I’ve heard it all…

amother

Puce

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 4:47 pm

I get it, I have a 3 month old. That’s one of the reasons why I’m having leaning in my house. The one question OP hasn’t answered is why her husband can’t be home when she goes to the later reading, any time after the main one. It doesn’t have to be davka at 9:30.

amother

NeonGreen

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 4:54 pm

amother Marigold wrote:

OP where do you live? I have never seen this. People are usually running back home or to family both after fast and next morning. I have davened in different countries, states and communities.

Same.
A few shuls I've been in have a couple of tables with a few trays of pastries and orange juice or such for after the fast; people might grab something to quickly break their fast on before heading home. But no big sit down meal and certainly no dancing--everyone is in a rush to get home because Purim (both evening and day) is one of the busiest days of the year.

amother

Beige

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 4:56 pm

flowerpower wrote:

I never heard of child care provided at the shul for megilla. Our shul has kids attend the megilla reading. Everyone survives

One year my youngest was 4 so we all went to the main shul megilla and tried to risk it. It was at a MO shul and I knew they had books there, so I thought it was worth the risk but it really wasn't. She saw a friend there and they ran around the big shul Hall together making a noise, it really disturbed and I felt TERRIBLE Sad

Anyway I told my daughter that she needs to wait until she's bas mitzvah to come with me 😅 lesson learnt.

imaima

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 5:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don’t think sexist is the right word

amother

Chambray

Mon, Mar 06 2023, 5:15 pm

I live near quite a few shuls that have a few women's readings. None have babysitting. You switch off with DH. There are also many private readings in peoples home which they allow others to come.
Also Chabbad has Megillah reading in a park near us 3 x at night, and Purim day starting 10am and continuing till 5pm on the hour. Look around for a place you can go. Your DH needs to help watch the children.