Child refuses to go back to school

amother

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 9:59 am

I have a preschool ds who has a bit of anxiety/selective mutism. he has been loving going to school just about every day of the year so far.
today, the first day back to school after purim vacation, he woke up refusing to go to school. wouldnt stop screaming that he's absoultly not going. he won't give any reason at all. he says hell go tomorrow.

we aren't the type of parents that just let our kids have a day off. bh our kids aren't the type that ask to stay home "just bc". if a kid wasn't in the "mood" in the past for wtvr reason I would offer an incentive that would help them go to school.

I decided to let him stay home with me today. I work from home.. I told him he is not getting any special treatment like when he is sick. I have to work.
I let him today b/c I felt like with his personality shoving him into the classroom will be ignoring the very real part of him that feels like he just needs a day home.

am I right? am I wrong? dh stronly disagrees with my choice to let him stay home. but I just feel like this kid can't be forced (unless it starts to happen every week).

please give me advice all you wise women

Chayalle

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 10:01 am

Don't you wish kids came with a manual with tailor-made instructions? Sometimes it's just hard to know right and wrong with some kids. You make a decision, and you live with it.
I think the important thing here is to make it very clear that he is going tomorrow and next week, etc... and stick to that no matter what. Don't let this become a pattern.

amother

Sienna

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 10:42 am

amother OP wrote:

My son is very similar. I do allow him to take a day off once in a while even though I work and this means taking the day off for me too. But I think it’s very worthwhile for such a child. I do give him special treatment. I prepare his favorite breakfast or go out to spend the day. Even just taking it easy and reading together on the couch, but he knows it’s his special day.
He also knows that tomorrow he’s going back to school. I see it makes a tremendous difference. The next day he’s usually very happy to go and he talks about how awesome yesterday was.

I think you should consider doing it even thought it’s not something you normally do. And certainly don’t make him feel like he’s bothering you or in your way today by staying home. If he’s there anyway why not make him feel special?

amother

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 10:58 am

I'm not worried about what he is going to miss. he's smart. hell pick up quickly wtvr he missed today.

I'm not making him feel like he's bothering me. I am sitting a working and he is sitting quietly next to me. I am not letting him watch anything or reading him books. in the past when this has happened (like last year) and I made a special day out of it, it back fired, and he wanted to keep staying home bc lets face it.. when does he get so much attention and special things all alone from me. its the down side of having a tribe of children... pros and cons right? I try my best to give them all their time but its really a challenge. isn't it for everyone with kids close in age? especially kids to have challenging personalities?

I'm being nice. but im not going for a special day with mommy today. I hear how that would be good for other personalities. not this one.

I always tell the kids I chose a job I can work from home with felxible hours so I can be available when they have off or are sick etc.. but if I tell them I need to work, I cant suddenly just be availble for a fun day with mommy. they need to know I'm serious that I need to work.

I'm a very nice mommy. but that comes with needed to charge my own batteries during the school day. (even when working.. as long as I'm alone)