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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim
I'm happy that I made this decision



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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2023, 1:38 pm
This year I made a conscious decision ti stay home thus year instead of going around town giving out to so many people. I realized that I value more being a giver more than the act of physically giving out mishlaoch munes. It can be exhausting to go around and then feel disappointed when yiu receive something thoughtless in return. This year, I wanted to feel like I'm giving in a more meaningful way by having people come to me. It was so so fulfilling to appreciate the people I value with a nice set up, and even though only very few people came my way, it was worth it. I'm grdatful that I was able to give appreciation to those who deserve it.

Does anyone feel deprived or like you don't receive if you're not the one showing up to houses? And how does it make you feel if only a limited amount drop off at your house ? I feel for us the list and amound we get just gets down each year. Last year I took it personally, whereas this year I took out the pride in it .
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2023, 1:46 pm
I actually also stayed home this year, but more because I have graduated the elementary school age (my youngest is in high school) and I have daughters who drive (themselves and their younger sister, so they didn't need me to take them to friends). It was so nice to stay home, greet anyone who came, say Tehillim when it was quiet, and just enjoy the peace (and day off from work).

I don't necessarily relate to the idea you mentioned (or maybe I misunderstood?) I don't think going around in the past was so much about giving/receiving for me. It was more about my kids' needs, and it was definitely exhausting. I enjoyed the slower, calm pace of being home and receiving those who came by.
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miami85




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2023, 1:47 pm
Every year I want to be "done" with my mishloach manos packaging so as to be able to go out delivering. Every year there is SOME reason/crisis that prevents that. This year was no different. At 12pm I was ready to walk out the door, but I wanted to print out a few more poems. My 10-year-old printer then decided to die. I found out that I could order one through instacart to be delivered in about 1 hour so I did that. I was finally ready to go out around 3:40pm. It turns out that 1) I didn't have to go out as much as I'd planned b/c a lot of people came to us 2) I had things set out in front of my house that went with my theme so it meant people got to see it. 3)My mishloach manos was in 2 parts so would've been more tricky to walk around with in large numbers 4) I wasn't feeling so great so wasn't smart to go all around town anyway.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2023, 1:51 pm
Every year my husband tries to get me to agree to stay home or stay home after going to give out less. Every year I push and tell him he can stay home but I am going with my kids, so he comes along. And every year, I'm happy I went out.

This year a sad thing happened. Two of my kids have a set of siblings in both of their classes. One of them brought mm to school and gave out, so one of my kids got from him. My other kid put the sibling in his class on his list to deliver to. We were all getting tired, so it was tempting to end our driving. But we pushed, and they both gave to the kids. At the last second I decided to give to their mother, who I am friendly with but not like, friends. Since I was already there... ya know? She is one of those local celebrities and I assumed she didn't need my little pathetic mm out of the ton I was sure she'd get.

Well... we got there, and they weren't home. The mom had none waiting for her at the door, you could tell by the packages there. It was sad especially because the mom is kind of newly seperated, and her kids were at their dads.

The mom called me the next day to tell me the mm I brought her was the literal ONLY mm anyone came to deliver to her door. And the son who brought to school also got none, since I guess people figured he took a short cut or something by not delivering, I don't know. My little mm and my son's mm was the only one they got.

My husband agreed with me, going out and pushing myself was the right thing to do. Can you imagine if I didn't decide last second to give the mom a mm? Apparently everyone else assumed she was already going to get so many, and her house was hard to find... so they took her off their lists... so she only got mine.

I'm saying this here because I said before on this site how important it is to actually go out of our way for this mitzvah. If you can try, please do try to go out of your way for at least one person.

ETA - to answer your question about getting mm back - I don't have a ton of friends, but I appreciated every single mm I got, and each one was so meaningful to me.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2023, 2:02 pm
watergirl wrote:
Every year my husband tries to get me to agree to stay home or stay home after going to give out less. Every year I push and tell him he can stay home but I am going with my kids, so he comes along. And every year, I'm happy I went out.

This year a sad thing happened. Two of my kids have a set of siblings in both of their classes. One of them brought mm to school and gave out, so one of my kids got from him. My other kid put the sibling in his class on his list to deliver to. We were all getting tired, so it was tempting to end our driving. But we pushed, and they both gave to the kids. At the last second I decided to give to their mother, who I am friendly with but not like, friends. Since I was already there... ya know? She is one of those local celebrities and I assumed she didn't need my little pathetic mm out of the ton I was sure she'd get.

Well... we got there, and they weren't home. The mom had none waiting for her at the door, you could tell by the packages there. It was sad especially because the mom is kind of newly divorced, and her kids were at their dads.

The mom called me the next day to tell me the mm I brought her was the literal ONLY mm anyone came to deliver to her door. And the son who brought to school also got none, since I guess people figured he took a short cut or something by not delivering, I don't know. My little mm and my son's mm was the only one they got.

My husband agreed with me, going out and pushing myself was the right thing to do. Can you imagine if I didn't decide last second to give the mom a mm? Apparently everyone else assumed she was already going to get so many, and her house was hard to find... so they took her off their lists... so she only got mine.

I'm saying this here because I said before on this site how important it is to actually go out of our way for this mitzvah. If you can try, please do try to go out of your way for at least one person.

ETA - to answer your question about getting mm back - I don't have a ton of friends, but I appreciated every single mm I got, and each one was so meaningful to me.


Wow, wow! What a story to learn from! And, You've mentioned she is kind of popular in the community.. and, this doesn't mean anything. . I'm really taking in this story.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2023, 2:15 pm
amother OP wrote:
Wow, wow! What a story to learn from! And, You've mentioned she is kind of popular in the community.. and, this doesn't mean anything. . I'm really taking in this story.

I just think it's important to have a good balance, ya know? Stay home if you need to. But also make the effort to think of someone else and go out for that person if you can, because you never know how much it may mean to them. I thought for SURE this women would have had a pile! I wasn't even setting out to give her one of those "this will make a difference in her day" mm. But it did.

I also learned from your post. There are many ways to give, I'm glad you found one that worked well.
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2023, 2:22 pm
So I used to spend Purim in the car for hours delivering cause the traffic was insane and with kids screaming now I deliver to rabbis and teachers and drop whoever is on the way and with that I don’t have much home time. But I feel like sometimes I’m always dropping and some people don’t bother or make an effort to come to me and yea it bothers me. The past year I moved out of the area no one bothers to come there I always made an effort to go but now I do what works for me
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2023, 2:23 pm
amother Emerald wrote:
So I used to spend Purim in the car for hours delivering cause the traffic was insane and with kids screaming now I deliver to rabbis and teachers and drop whoever is on the way and with that I don’t have much home time. But I feel like sometimes I’m always dropping and some people don’t bother or make an effort to come to me and yea it bothers me. The past year I moved out of the area no one bothers to come there I always made an effort to go but now I do what works for me


Exactly my point
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2023, 3:11 pm
amother OP wrote:
Exactly my point


I think it’s called growing up lol
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2023, 3:20 pm
amother OP wrote:
This year I made a conscious decision ti stay home thus year instead of going around town giving out to so many people. I realized that I value more being a giver more than the act of physically giving out mishlaoch munes. It can be exhausting to go around and then feel disappointed when yiu receive something thoughtless in return. This year, I wanted to feel like I'm giving in a more meaningful way by having people come to me. It was so so fulfilling to appreciate the people I value with a nice set up, and even though only very few people came my way, it was worth it. I'm grdatful that I was able to give appreciation to those who deserve it.

Does anyone feel deprived or like you don't receive if you're not the one showing up to houses? And how does it make you feel if only a limited amount drop off at your house ? I feel for us the list and amound we get just gets down each year. Last year I took it personally, whereas this year I took out the pride in it .


I don’t understand your reasoning. You are more pf a giver when you have people come to you? How does it work?
I thought you were going to say that you would be giving more to the poor
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CPenzias




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:39 pm
I stayed home because I broke my ankle. My husband works half the day on purim and I take my kids to their local friends. This year some people came to us and we took most of our mishloach manot to shul at seuda time and I handed out to everyone. I always make extra so I can give to people I might not have given to. It makes them so happy and it makes me happy to make them happy.
My 17 year old took what I had left and brought them to his friends in school.
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amother
Lightblue


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2023, 11:31 pm
I'm way, way, way OOT. The only MM I gave this year was to my mother. There were 2 other Jewish people I could have given to without going out of my way much, but I didn't this year.
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amother
Lightpink


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2023, 11:55 pm
amother OP wrote:
Wow, wow! What a story to learn from! And, You've mentioned she is kind of popular in the community.. and, this doesn't mean anything. . I'm really taking in this story.


She said popular and newly separated.
And didn’t get m”m ….I want to be dlkz but truly I’m not surprised. Newly separated getting divorced does not do wonders for someone’s social status Sad
Kol hakavod to you WG
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 10 2023, 12:28 am
OP , do you really need a pile of unhealthy junk so close to pesach
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 11 2023, 8:37 pm
when I was younger, my friends and neighbors were always busy with kids and family so I stopped making such a big deal of it. I participate in the achdus basket, give a few in my building, and call it a day. I keep a couple in the house just in case but since covid no one comes.

dh shleps around all day and is exhausted. no thanks.

I go to the gym, do a little laundry, hear the megilah without being stressed. so much easier for me.
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Sat, Mar 11 2023, 8:48 pm
amother OP wrote:
This year I made a conscious decision ti stay home thus year instead of going around town giving out to so many people. I realized that I value more being a giver more than the act of physically giving out mishlaoch munes. It can be exhausting to go around and then feel disappointed when yiu receive something thoughtless in return. This year, I wanted to feel like I'm giving in a more meaningful way by having people come to me. It was so so fulfilling to appreciate the people I value with a nice set up, and even though only very few people came my way, it was worth it. I'm grdatful that I was able to give appreciation to those who deserve it.

Does anyone feel deprived or like you don't receive if you're not the one showing up to houses? And how does it make you feel if only a limited amount drop off at your house ? I feel for us the list and amound we get just gets down each year. Last year I took it personally, whereas this year I took out the pride in it .


It sounds like you did what works for you, which is great. You minimized your hurt feelings of last year by only giving the people who you feel put in effort and care by coming to you, and only gave to those people. You rewarded those who you feel 'deserve' it (by coming to you) with your shalach manot.

I'm confused how this is 'giving in a more meaningful way' though.

I gave shalach manot this year to a neighbor who really doesn't deserve it. She wronged me in a very significant way. It was hard to do, but I sent my son with shalach manot to her. And she didn't even give us back! I felt really good about it though. I gave it with a full and open heart, with forgiveness and no resentment.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 11 2023, 9:10 pm
CPenzias wrote:
I stayed home because I broke my ankle. My husband works half the day on purim and I take my kids to their local friends. This year some people came to us and we took most of our mishloach manot to shul at seuda time and I handed out to everyone. I always make extra so I can give to people I might not have given to. It makes them so happy and it makes me happy to make them happy.
My 17 year old took what I had left and brought them to his friends in school.


Oy. Hope you're not in pain and it heals quickly and completely.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 11 2023, 9:12 pm
amother Aquamarine wrote:

I gave shalach manot this year to a neighbor who really doesn't deserve it. She wronged me in a very significant way. It was hard to do, but I sent my son with shalach manot to her. And she didn't even give us back! I felt really good about it though. I gave it with a full and open heart, with forgiveness and no resentment.


Good for you! I hope you can hold on to the good feelings.
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amother
Lime


 

Post Sat, Mar 11 2023, 9:38 pm
naturalmom5 wrote:
OP , do you really need a pile of unhealthy junk so close to pesach


Do you really need to criticize the OP?
I'm glad that you are careful what you feed your family and yourself but honestly, this is not the proper thread for your comment. Please don't be hurtful or critical of others. You wouldn't want other moms to criticize you.
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