Pesach campaign putting major pressure

amother

Wed, Mar 15 2023, 8:56 pm

This is a vent because I don’t want to speak LH in real life and I’m so angry.

We live in a small community with very steep communal obligations - we pay the Rav’s housing and salary, just had a campaign for a luxury over the top mikvah, constant unnecessary shul improvements, and are asked to bail out anyone who has a hard time financially.

I’m all for giving tzedakah, but because there are a few wealthy families who come from money, everyone is expected to give ridiculous sums. It’s getting way out of hand because there is huge peer pressure among the men to give, and the Rav is the root of the problem, always coming up with new causes that we need to contribute to.

Personally, I’m so grateful for what we have but we live in the classic middle class crunch. DH and I both work intense jobs and own a beautiful home but we are crushed by expenses. Every single item for Yom Tov was purchased on sale, including shoes, and I ordered something for myself from H&M, waiting for the day my payroll came through.

Today one of the ‘rich kids’ called DH saying that the Rav asked him to collect money for a community kimcha dpischa campaign to help the needy in our community make Pesach. We are 35-40 families total, of which 5 or so will need help making Pesach. The Rav’s goal is $40K!!

I’m so angry because DH is feeling major pressure to match what the other guys are giving (thousands of dollars), while I’m working until erev Pesach and saving every dollar. I said before we give I want a breakdown of how many families we’re supporting, the number is just mind blowing.

Rant over. I hope this will help me keep my mouth shut from speaking LH.

amother

Chestnut

Wed, Mar 15 2023, 11:30 pm

Wow I'm also happy to give that I want to give to where I'm happy give 2. And you're saying $8000 if they're collecting for each family if I did the math correctly?!s sounds like you might qualify for help based on their ridiculous expectations of how much people need. My husband and I both find when there's pressure at such a turn off and we choose not to give anything but in this position where you're part of a small community to understand that that's probably impossible. But they have no idea how much money you have so they should not be reaching in your pockets.

amother

Snowdrop

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 4:32 am

We live in a similar area. With similar circumstances around raising money.
My DH used to feel the pressure to till the shul asked him to be in charge of money ppl pledge on shabbos & yom tov. Part of the job is call everyone after shabbos or yom tov to ask for the money they pledged publicly in shul.
He was shocked to discover most of the “rich” men who pledge thousands of dollars for different aliyas have bills going back quite a few years (between 10k & 100+k). They pledge in public with absolutely no intention of paying.
When he saw this he stop letting them pressure him for more than we can give. When he saw how little they actually contribute vs how much they pretend to.
While we actually contribute on a monthly basis so that the shul has electricity & water!

imasinger

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 4:40 am

IME, it's a fundraising basic that whatever someone has given in the past, they should be asked to give just a little more the next time.

You and DH need to sit down, figure out what's maaser, and then stop. Otherwise, it turns into a poker game where the ante keeps getting upped beyond all reason. If you and DH are out of your league, then it's okay to say so.

Or else, someday, you might be one of the families requiring assistance.

Give within reason, or a bit beyond. Then, stop -- so you'll have what to give another time.

amother

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 5:53 am

As a very smart poster said, you’re right, the rabbi should be collecting himself. Instead it becomes a game between the men of one-upping each other.

In general I never dreamed we would be asked to donate so much on a regular basis and this really put me over the top. I think the 40K number is chutzpah, perpetuating the craziness. At this rate the people receiving the funds will have a luxury Pesach while we’re scraping together the funds.

amother

Papaya

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 6:16 am

OP The first thing is to sit down eye to eye with your Rabbi. As others wrote before me, tell him you would like to see where the money$ is going. (you are dealing with alot correct in the thousands? You have a right to know). Also if the Rabbi is collecting, it should be done quietly, and others don't need to know if you decided to give this month or aren't able to. I understand if a community(300 families) brings in together a certain amount but it should not fall on the 40 families you have. Maybe it's time to look for another Rabbi. Are others disturbed by the Rabbi's asking often for $.