Please help me help child stop telling lies

amother

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 4:33 am

7 year old. It’s not fantasy lies, it’s ‘can’t look you in the eye whilst I’m telling you a lie’ type. For all sorts of situations. And then blaming everyone else for the lie even though it came out their mouth.

Child struggles with academics but doesn’t realise it.

All tips will be gratefully received.

amother

Jasmine

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 11:46 am

Kids that age lie out of fear of getting into trouble/disappointing their parents. I’d look at it from that perspective. Do you & DH use punishment or are there natural consequences for behavior? Do you tell your child you love them and they’re a good kid, even after they’ve done something wrong? The clearly aren’t comfortable admitting to their mistakes, but is it anxiety/personality of the child and not related to environment, or have they learned that being wrong isn’t safe?

Modeling responsibility is also important. Really look at yours and DH’s behavior and ask if this is something they could have learned from you. You probably don’t lie of course, but if you get mad, what do you verbalize? Is it about what the other person did, or do you own up to your feelings too? Same with mistakes. Does they see you explain how/why a mistake happened or do they see you say “I made a mistake. This is how I’m going to fix it.”

We also have been reading “It’s not my fault” by Tzipporah Aberbach to our DD. It might be a little simple for a 7 year old, but you could try it. It models the way kids can blame other people and the main character eventually takes responsibility, but it doesn’t go as much in depth as I would like - just that he hurt his friend and his friend won’t play anymore.

amother

Canary

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 12:11 pm

Good news is kids grow out of it, its a phase and some kids really go through it hard. I remember a child who ALWAYS lied about every small detail... they are grown and would never lie on purpose today. Remember to keep their self esteem in tact as u correct and guide them. Teach them to use phrases like "you wish you could....." or "wouldnt that be cool if ?????" and when they have an "idea" go into fantasy world with them and make details up with them.... then tell them you also enjoy imagining things! It will be fun and refreshing for them... and the stage will pass bEH!

amother

Thu, Mar 16 2023, 4:28 pm

Thank you so much for your ideas and perspectives.

Yes I probably do sometimes over react for wrongdoings, although only the type when others are involved such as hurting or being unkind. When it’s an error involving just the child who did it, I really try to be calm about it and discuss how it must have just been a mistake and it won’t happen again. However said child always says oh I thought you would be mad at me. Maybe I’m not as calm as I think I am 🥺 And I always reply saying why would I get mad, you made a mistake and it won’t happen again.

I must now start making sure I am modelling that when it’s a wrongdoing involving others as well and altogether more consistently. Thank you for pointing it out.

This child also is very intense, very loud and much harder to show love to, I am working on it and trying to find more and more opportunities to do things together and build our relationship stronger. We had a lovely 15 minutes earlier sorting out some things and I really enjoyed the time when child was calm and chatting. I need to find more times to do things like this.

I need to work on this.

Thank you for your kind words.