I give up! Someone help me find a solution

amother

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 7:26 pm

I have tried a gazillion laundry methods and I'm still not on top of it. Disclaimer I have ADHD and all my children are neurodivergent. This is not an excuse, this is an explanation of how I need this hacked.
What I've learned that I need and my kids need is the fewest steps to get things done.
Ideally I'd like for each child to have their own hamper and for me to do one load a day and then put it away. This eliminates sorting and folding in a middle space (the laundry room). The problem is the kids leave their clothes all over, in the bathrooms, on the main floor etc and when we clean up, it makes most sense to put it in a singular hamper. I get so overwhelmed by all the steps. Half the clothes needing to be dried on the hanging rack so those need to be sorted again and put in the different rooms. I know this sounds pathetic but this is my struggle.
Can you help me streamline this without depending on children doing things a certain way or at a certain time? If I need to get my kids to do wtvr then that's just another thing to be on top of.

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 7:45 pm

Ideally, your kids put their dirty clothes into their own hampers in their own room.
If this is not happening, keep a hamper downstairs where they take off their socks or other clothes and upstairs and somewhere easily accessible. Then you can pick it up as you go. The problem is if you forget to check one area, they are out of clothes. So let's say some in bathroom, some in bedroom, some in hallway, some in living room - you can easily forget to check one of these places.

Your kids should learn that it is just as easy to put their clothing into the hamper IF THERE IS ONE IN EVERY ROOM. They won't carry it to the bathroom or bedroom to find a hamper.

Whenever you do wash clothes, you need to put it away right away. Dump it on your bed and don't allow yourself to go to sleep until you put it away.

I also hang a lot to dry and it does take time.

It is much easier to do a load a day then to wait until you need to do 5 loads and no one has anything

amother

Sand

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 8:24 pm

amother OP wrote:

Here's my laundry system, feel free to adapt:

Motzaei Shabbos: immediately after we clear the dining room table, I pretreat the tablecloths and throw them in the wash. I wash my dishes while that load is going, and sort out the laundry in the hampers. I then do a load of towels, followed by a load of Shabbos clothes/delicates from the whole week, and then white shirts (Shabbos, and DH only wears white shirts. Usually I load the white shirts before I go to bed and leave them to soak overnight. All hanging clothes get hung before I go to sleep.

Sunday: I transfer the white shirts to the dryer to dry slightly, then hang. I do a load of dark underwear/socks, a load of white underwear, and a load of pajamas. I fold those three loads, towels, and tablecloths and put away.

Monday: I put away all the hanging clothes that have dried. I wash the bathroom towels, one bathroom at a time. I usually do one load before I leave to work.

Tuesday: I strip all beds and wash them, then put back on beds. (When I have a cleaning lady, she helps me). At night, I sort out the hampers (we have one in each bathroom with a shower).

Wednesday: I collect all the clothes from around the house and do another hamper dump, sort them into my presorted piles, and wash and dry the underwear and pajamas (3 loads), fold and put away.

Thursday: I do a quick check in bedrooms and hampers for hanging clothes that aren't in my presorted pile, and wash and hang them (mostly regular clothes-pants, shirts, etc.)

Friday: I put away the hanging clothes and wash and dry the shmattes.

I keep a triple sorter in my laundry room and multiple laundry baskets.

I don't nudge my kids to put things in the hamper. I just collect as I clean up the house. This is probably something we should work on one day...

amother

Sand

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 8:27 pm

amother Sand wrote:

ETA: I don't have adhd, but live with plenty of people who do have it!

mushkamothers

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 8:32 pm

Less clothing, for starters. It sounds counterintuitive but if you only have 5 shirts then you'll do laundry more often and have less to wash and fold and put away.

Stop hanging things. Only buy what can be washed in a mixed load (whites can be a separate load) and dried. I dry everything besides my own clothing, and the boys shabbos and uniform collared shirts- yes regular shabbos pants and sweaters get dried.

Don't fold, put things back in drawer dividers like the ikea skubb for example.

No advice re the kids and the hampers in each room which may be the biggest piece for you. But in general the book Organizing Solutions for people with adhd is great

amother

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 9:43 pm

Lots of great ideas here.
I actually wish I didn't have to hang clothes but my boys shabbos pants and the girls shabbos clothes and dresses need to hang dry or they shrink.
I used to do all the laundry in one day and it was just way too much, I was overwhelmed and depressed and I felt stuck to the laundry room all day.
The book organizing solutions which is great!!! It suggests each person having their own hamper an folding straight into the drawers which is what works best for me aside for these mixed loads and all the hanging.
I don't remember any advice in the keeping house while drowning book except that it doesn't all need to be done at once, everyone just needs clean clothes.
I have really had to simplify minimize and hack my way through housekeeping to stay afloat.

amother

Wandflower

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 9:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

There is a hamper in every bedroom room but that's not necessarily where they are putting their dirty clothes. Sometimes they change in the bathroom or on a different floor. So I have one hamper by the steps and one by bathroom for those clothes.
So I have a bunch of half loads and then 2 loads that are mixed loads and I'm never quite on top of it.
My kids don't care if they don't have clean clothes. They will wear dirty clothes. Kids who are ND struggle to learn a lesson from natural consequences. I just end up with kids who have dirty clothes and have meltdowns. I need to be on top of it.

Why are they getting undressed in different areas? I have kids with ADHD so we made rules. Clothing gets put in X place. They can learn and don't absolve them of that requirement. It is a skill and teaching it takes a lot of time and effort and patience. I don't always have the patience but we eventually learned. My kid with the biggest issues is the best at using sock clips for their socks.

Otherwise you want a solution for laundry for a bunch of kids who leave their laundry in 20 different places and won't put it in a hamper if it isn't immediately in their vicinity. You dont want to have to sort by child or type (line dry). You want it simple and streamlined in a world that isn't ever going to be simple or streamlined.

I have 1 area for all laundry baskets. Kids sort their laundry by type (whites, hang, regular etc). You could do a basket for each child if that is easier. But you have to streamline it for it to work. Establish rules and follow through.

amother

Outerspace

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 10:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

Do you think it would be feasible to get your kids to only change by their hamper? That’s been my best solution to leaving my clothes everywhere (also ADHD). I just only get dressed/undressed near the hamper. For showering I put my robe on and then go to the bathroom.

It sounds like Shabbos clothes are what needs to be hung? I’d also recommend only buying what can be dried, but if not/until then, can you hang it where it dries? Like a clothing rack and then everyone just needs to get their Shabbos clothes from there?

Would it possibly work to just store clothes in the laundry room? Something like this? https://learn.kregtool.com/pla.....helf/ so you can just fold clothes in the room and then everyone gets their clean clothes from there and either puts them away or just gets dressed from the basket?

amother

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 10:10 pm

amother Wandflower wrote:

This feels very harsh to me. I have ADHD, do you know how hard it is for me to be on top of routines and rules never mind on top of all my kids????? Being on top is literally the hardest thing ever for me. I have so much pain and shame around this and I am trying my best regardless.
Why are my kids getting undressed different places because I am ONE person and I cannot be on top of every kid every morning and night. While I'm taking care of one child another kid gets changed, while I quickly deal with a different kid, this kid takes her socks off etc. I can make 100 rules but unless I police them it doesn't happen. ADHD mom of Nurodivergent kids is a special kind of housekeeping gehenim.

I am no looking for perfection. I'm pointing out where I get stuck ie where I get backlogged and I'm trying to creatively figure out a different way. I don't have to have each kid have their own hamper, if theres another more efficient streamlined way. I am not stuck on one way (yay flexibility a plus I have from my ADHD), I'm open to any ideas that will keep laundry as simple as possible.

amother

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 10:12 pm

amother Natural wrote:

Mom of 6 here I have hard time with commitment and organizing (Adhd probably too) but this has worked for me flawlessly for 2 years now. I do have a (tiny) laundry room...

Sunday: darks and delicates
Monday: lights and whites
Tuesday: linen towels
Wednesday: darks and delicare
Thursday : lights and whites
Friday : towels

Linen is changed every other week on cleaning lady day

All things have to be washed dried and folded on that laundry day.

I shop (clothing socks undies) based on this laundry system.

Do you have separate hampers for each category or are you sorting your mixed hampers each day? Sorry if I sound stupid but can you literally walk me through this.

amother

Dustypink

Mon, Mar 20 2023, 11:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

I feel like I'm your twin. Every word describes me. And I have 3 kids (toddlers) you seem to have more.

Anyway I'll give some tips. Some others may have posted but I think can use more explanation.

First the book how to keep house while drowning was really helpful.

1- fold only what must be folded. Don't fold any kids underwear or pj's. Get little bins for each type of thing and just put away unfolded. If you have one color sock only for each kid then that doesn't have to be folded either. Just take out 2 they're all the same anyway. (if not then I highly recommend investing in a 12 or so pack per child). If it bothers a kid they can fold themselves.

2- hang as much as possible. This really depends on how much hanging space you have. I hang all shirts, sweaters, t-shirts, and obviously dresses.

All I'm left to fold is pants, tights, linen, towels and adult underwear (if and when I do). You can hang pants and tights (on a hanger with clips like this 3 Pack Stainless Steel Laundry Drying Rack Clothes Hanger with 10 Clips for Drying Socks,Drying Towels, Diapers, Bras, Baby Clothes,Underwear, Socks Gloves https://a.co/d/88pCC7C) too if you have the space.

3- hang clothing in the place it is stored as much as possible. My kids closet has plenty of space so I hang all wet clothing directly in the closet and leave the door open. DH shirts goes in walk in closet with open door. Same could be done in laundry room or wherever else works for you. This is the reason I like hanging as much as possible (vs Drying) this way I don't have to sort through the clothing after dryingg that I'm not folding anyway.

4- keep all kids clothing in one room. Have closet, drawers, or whatever needed in that place. Most preferable is if it could be in the laundry room, or at least somewhere close to the laundry room. It could even be one kids room. This eliminates having to distribute everything in different rooms.

About having to go clothes hunting around the house - no solution for that unfortunately. I totally get you. By the time kids are in pajamas I just want them in bed...

ETA: for the kids socks I have a mesh bag for each kid which I sort into before washing (you can try to have kids put it in there themselves, I couldn't...) This way once it's out of the dryer I just empty each bag directly into kid's bin. Mesh bag also eliminates socks stuck in washer gasket.