How to deal with this person?

amother

Sun, Mar 19 2023, 3:00 pm

What would you do if you had a person in your life that is constantly telling you horrible things like disapproving of your pregnancy and giving you reasons why or telling you in public in explicit detail why your husband is not good looking, critisizing my baby's gender, choice of husband's workplace and other horrible things.

I must meet this woman occasionally and there is no way to avoid her.

My husband says I should just ignore but I can't stand it especially when said in public!

What's the solution?

amother

White

Sun, Mar 19 2023, 3:17 pm

Honestly, she sounds like she is not mentally balanced.
Forget what she says about your husband’s appearance or job for one second, but she criticizes your baby’s gender? That’s nuts.

amother

Oldlace

Sun, Mar 19 2023, 3:20 pm

I'm sorry that someone is treating you that way. You have two ways of dealing with this. One is more confrontational. "That's very hurtful and it is unacceptable for you to speak that way." The other is more subtle. You can head her off when you see her coming by saying hello very quickly or then excusing yourself and going to a different place in the room? Can you have a standard answer such as "I'm sorry that you feel that way, but we are very happy. Oh, I see I must go greet Rebbetzin Schwartzsteinberg or Mrs. Cholentmacher." No reason you need to take toxic comments from someone.

imaima

Sun, Mar 19 2023, 3:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

Criticizing your baby’s gender?
It’s too funny to reply to. Let her embarrass herself in public

amother

Blushpink

Sun, Mar 19 2023, 4:04 pm

nebach
tell her as loudly as you can that you have a head cold and cannot hear her that you cannot hear a word she says (everyone has a cold these days...)
smile wave and keep going
(and if you can hear someone else later it just means your decongestants have kicked in or something)

amother

Plum

Sun, Mar 19 2023, 7:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

poor lady - she sounds like a rachmanus! Definitely not your regular/healthy woman... Keep this in mind and you'll be able to completely look away without being effected at all - or try at least

thatworn

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 2:51 pm

If I ever meet her I will restrain the urge to hit her with my handbag!!!!!! HOw dare she!!!!! You are worth more than that. I do not have any serious suggestion except swerve and cross the street as soon as you see her in the distance.

amother

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 2:56 pm

Ruchi wrote:

Sorry Chani, but I really don't understand what you are trying to say. Would you like to repeat that again?

There is no way to avoid her. I have to spend one on one time for two hours.

I should really say something like "Excuse me, so are you saying my husband and baby are ugly and yours are the best visuals created ever?"

I think I need to summarize what she is saying so she should realize how socially off it is because she likes to think of herself as tactless.

The problem is, I only realize how off her comments are a while later. At the time, I am always doubting my discomfort.

amother

Oldlace

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 2:56 pm

There is one more option that occurred to me, that's actually a bit funny if you can tolerate it. Keep up the conversation with her and every time she says something outrageously insulting, keep a straight face, smile, and say "thank you so much! You're so nice to say that." She might be very confused and disappointed that you aren't insulted.

amother

Purple

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 3:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

Agree with everything she says. Maybe that will make her realize how ridiculous she sounds.

- your husband is ugly
- you think he's ugly? hmmm...you may have a point

- you have a boy? girls are nicer
- they are. I guess I'll keep my boy anyway