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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling -> Seminary Info
How comfortable are you sending your daughter to Israel sem
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 1:49 am
after the recent increase of awareness (from what I'm hearing) that seminary may not be the best place for our girls after all. (podcasts, imamother threads...)
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amother
Impatiens


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 1:53 am
What if lots of girls stay home and in a few years we have lectures and podcasts about how going straight to college or work isn't the best thing either?

Nothing is perfect for everyone.

I do think there's a value to being in Israel for its own sake Check out the seminary, including its safety protocols, before sending. And if seminary isn't the right thing for your daughter, then don't send.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 2:00 am
"how can my daughter experience Israel in a spiritual manner?"

Maybe seminary. Maybe family. Maybe working on a religious farm. Maybe sheirut leumi in a girl's school or hospital. Maybe religious college. Many, many options.
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 2:17 am
Very comfortable. I'm glad I know the potential pitfalls, though, so I can be careful about them and warn my girls beforehand.
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amother
Stoneblue


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 2:56 am
Sorry, I'm not familiar. What exactly are we talking about? S-xual abuse? Doing things they shouldn't outside or on school premises? Something else?
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amother
Chestnut


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 8:24 am
Not that comfortable. I feel like "sem in Israel" has lost some of its magical appeal. I'd be happier keeping her local. Shes a great girl, I dont think she'd come out any worse for the wear...
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amother
Nasturtium


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 8:35 am
By evaluating each of my girls' needs separately vs assuming each will go. They have done different things- one went, one didn't, will see with the next ones as we go along. Basically, like we do with boys.
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amother
Maize


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 8:49 am
Very comfortable. I have lots of close family there.

I'm not comfortable sending my ds yet. I had a hard time sending my boys to camp. They asked for bandages once, refused to tell me why. I sent the nurse to find ds. He had an injury that would have needed medical attention if not taken care of.

My other ds called me when a rash got so bad that he needed meds. Excuse was that the nurse is female and it was near his private. The camp has a male medic who monitored the rash and spoke to the dr.

My dd is way more independent and self aware than my boys.
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amother
NeonGreen


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 8:54 am
Extremely comfortable. Your best source of information is actual real life people that you trust. Don’t base anything on anonymous online people, influencers or ( podcasters ). Having been there and having spoken to hundreds in real life who have been, I am 100% comfortable. I will note that 3/4 is the threads here were people who had never gone and just heard fifth hand. Not a great of source of info. Also look around at the jealousy threads on here, everyone is doing x and I can’t and I’m bitter, and realize jealousy plays a massive role in the negativity.
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amother
Tulip


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 8:57 am
amother Slategray wrote:
Very comfortable. I'm glad I know the potential pitfalls, though, so I can be careful about them and warn my girls beforehand.

What are the pitfalls?
From what I saw, read, and thought about, a seminary in Israel isn't a must, but a luxury. Some girls go to only have fun, for shidduchim, because everyone goes, while others - to grow first and then also have a good time.
Pitfalls as I see them - one specific seminary's principal discussed here, possible negative influences by other girls, flaunting seminary rules, going places they aren't supposed to on their own (safety).
We also don't have any relatives there, so it doesn't make it easier. Don't start me on having to schnor shabbos and Yom tov hosting after paying all this money.
I considered all these and spoke to my daughter. She knew very well that staying home was a very viable option and considered it. Ultimately, she chose to go. At this point it'll be more talking and a lot of davening.
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amother
Chestnut


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 9:04 am
amother NeonGreen wrote:
Extremely comfortable. Your best source of information is actual real life people that you trust. Don’t base anything on anonymous online people, influencers or ( podcasters ). Having been there and having spoken to hundreds in real life who have been, I am 100% comfortable. I will note that 3/4 is the threads here were people who had never gone and just heard fifth hand. Not a great of source of info. Also look around at the jealousy threads on here, everyone is doing x and I can’t and I’m bitter, and realize jealousy plays a massive role in the negativity.


Not in my case.
Ive become pretty disillusioned about the sem in Israel experience after hearing from girls who came back
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amother
Tulip


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 9:19 am
amother Chestnut wrote:
Not in my case.
Ive become pretty disillusioned about the sem in Israel experience after hearing from girls who came back

Can you share their experiences?
Everyone I spoke to enjoyed their year. Not everything was perfect, but no one regretted going. I only hear about such experiences here and from women here looking back years ago.
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amother
NeonGreen


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 9:22 am
amother Chestnut wrote:
Not in my case.
Ive become pretty disillusioned about the sem in Israel experience after hearing from girls who came back


Fascinating because based on real life I can’t see you knowing sooo many like this to be true. And yet you are anonymous speaking about other anonymous people so still no proof this is reality.
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amother
NeonGreen


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 9:24 am
amother Tulip wrote:
Can you share their experiences?
Everyone I spoke to enjoyed their year. Not everything was perfect, but no one regretted going. I only hear about such experiences here and from women here looking back years ago.


It’s really the weirdest thing that this is the only place they seem to exist. And none of them have been to seminary themselves which is very telling.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 9:31 am
amother Tulip wrote:
Can you share their experiences?
Everyone I spoke to enjoyed their year. Not everything was perfect, but no one regretted going. I only hear about such experiences here and from women here looking back years ago.


My SIL is an American living in Israel, so she ends up seeing alot of seminary students (relatives, daughters of her friends, friends of her daughters, etc...)
When my oldest was a high school senior, we discussed the seminary situation with SIL and she told me her observations: She said from the girls she sees, about half love seminary, and half tell her they feel badly telling their parents who spent so much money, but if they could get a refund they'd hop on the first plane back home.
So yes, there's definitely a percentage of students who do not enjoy their year. (some won't tell you that, because it's not "good for shidduchim").

I have personally heard from people who didn't like their seminary year at all, or who were neutral/okay but did not necessarily enjoy it. Neighbors, friends, etc...some said they went due to parental or school pressure.

Coupled with the fact that we were not excited about certain things we heard about the seminaries DD's mechaneches was recommending for her (and where she was likely to get in...) plus the fact that she herself was not raring to go, we made the decision to keep her local.
Next DD ended up making the same decision, though it was an individual process.
My next DD says (at this point) that she's going to want to go. So we'll make that decision when she gets there (she's in 9th grade).

For reference, I myself loved seminary, and went for Shana Bet!
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amother
Tulip


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 10:05 am
Chayalle wrote:
My SIL is an American living in Israel, so she ends up seeing alot of seminary students (relatives, daughters of her friends, friends of her daughters, etc...)
When my oldest was a high school senior, we discussed the seminary situation with SIL and she told me her observations: She said from the girls she sees, about half love seminary, and half tell her they feel badly telling their parents who spent so much money, but if they could get a refund they'd hop on the first plane back home.
So yes, there's definitely a percentage of students who do not enjoy their year. (some won't tell you that, because it's not "good for shidduchim").

I have personally heard from people who didn't like their seminary year at all, or who were neutral/okay but did not necessarily enjoy it. Neighbors, friends, etc...some said they went due to parental or school pressure.

Coupled with the fact that we were not excited about certain things we heard about the seminaries DD's mechaneches was recommending for her (and where she was likely to get in...) plus the fact that she herself was not raring to go, we made the decision to keep her local.
Next DD ended up making the same decision, though it was an individual process.
My next DD says (at this point) that she's going to want to go. So we'll make that decision when she gets there (she's in 9th grade).

For reference, I myself loved seminary, and went for Shana Bet!

People you personally heard from who didn't enjoy the year, were they girls who just came back or women looking back 5+ y?
What are the reasons girls told your SIL they didn't enjoy their year?
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amother
Amaryllis


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 10:13 am
amother NeonGreen wrote:
It’s really the weirdest thing that this is the only place they seem to exist. And none of them have been to seminary themselves which is very telling.

I've been to seminary and it's actually very on the mark. It's a weird phenomenon, a lot of girls who are miserable most of the year suddenly switch that off the last month or so and convince themselves it was the most amazing year ever. I think they want to believe that, and not that they spent a year of their life/a big chunk of money their parents extended themselves to pay being unhappy. I stayed for pesach and I noticed like a week before the girls going home metamorphasized into that stereotypical "OMG it's amazing!!!!!" gushy sem girl, which only continued when they came back for the rest of the year. It was odd. Like they wanted to believe it was true.
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amother
Chestnut


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 10:17 am
amother NeonGreen wrote:
Fascinating because based on real life I can’t see you knowing sooo many like this to be true. And yet you are anonymous speaking about other anonymous people so still no proof this is reality.


Ok, im not sure why you are reacting like this. Im simply posting my thoughts, theres no reason to get angry about what im saying
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amother
Lime


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 10:27 am
What’s wrong with seminary? I loved it.
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amother
Nasturtium


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 10:29 am
Note- it's possible to be glad you went to seminary and to have benefitted from it, and still not enjoyed it, especially overall (Hand raised...)

It's also possible for a young woman to say one thing one day and something else the next. Or to really end up not liking their school but get so much out of being in the land, or the opposite.
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