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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
Needing the bathroom past bedtime
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 2:02 am
I cover all their needs before bed, and then let them know when 30 minutes have passed since bedtime. After 30 minutes, they can drink, bathroom, read, colour, or whatever they desire, so long as they do it quietly and don't disturb anyone.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 2:31 am
Btw - my DD of around the same age is often up and making arts and crafts at her desk at those hours. She's just less tired than her brothers. So as long as she isn't bothering anyone, I let her do what she likes
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salt




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 2:43 am
Unless you can really tell that she's using it as an excuse, and doesn't actually do anything in the bathroom, I'd let her go quickly, and straight back to bed.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 5:57 am
Check this with your doctor, but I was taught that lying in bed awake for more than 30 minutes creates sleep issues. If it's happening routinely, maybe your kid needs a later bedtime?

If/when you think her current sleep schedule is right for her body, then you might do better to allow free use of the bathroom without her calling for permission -- but to have a chart with small rewards for staying in bed after bedtime. First reward, 1 night. Second, two more nights. Third, four nights in a row. Fourth, a week in a row. Keep it at a week in a row until it becomes habit.
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amother
Lightgray


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 9:59 am
As you don't know if she really needs the bathroom or if it's an excuse to get out of bed, you really can't let her not go.

When my son was 3 and just toilet trained he used the excuse of the bathroom all the time to get out of bed and delay going to sleep. My mother suggested putting a potty next to his bed and saying sure you can go in the potty. He never requested the bathroom after bedtime again unless he really needed to go.
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giftedmom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 10:23 am
amother OP wrote:
Thank you for making me feel guilty. Bedtime is hard enough with my kids not able to fall asleep so fast. And I purposely do bathroom time b4 bed so I won't have them coming back out of bed for every excuse they can think of.

That’s not how this works sorry
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Lovable




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 11:59 am
Sorry OP but this is just wrong. Please take this as advice, an eye opener rather than an insult

Any human beings have a right to take care of their needs whenever they feel trhe need to.
Whom are you to judge or decide if your childs needs are real or not

Do you never need the bathroom after you yourself have gone to bed? Do ou then tell yourself 'nope, I cannot leave my bed now to go use the bathroom'
??

Sometimes I feel like we forget that children are human beings
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amother
Firethorn


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 2:55 pm
What about the kid who routinely comes out just to delay bedtime? She is super tired and once I tell her this is the last potty for half an hour she ends up asleep. She doesn't even go when she says she needs the potty- she uses it as an excuse, to play, sings etc... yeah she brings toys in there. I take them out but she always finds something to play with. She could come out every 2 minutes if I let her! (And says she didn't actually go the last time she came out to use the bathroom).
And no, I cannot let her go to bed later. She has to be up early for school and even if she did go to bed later she still does this.

I don't make my kids ask to go to the bathroom etc. They go when they need to. Middle of the night go as much as you need. I just enforce that there is a limit how many times she can come out at bedtime.
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doodlesmom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 3:17 pm
amother Firethorn wrote:
What about the kid who routinely comes out just to delay bedtime? She is super tired and once I tell her this is the last potty for half an hour she ends up asleep. She doesn't even go when she says she needs the potty- she uses it as an excuse, to play, sings etc... yeah she brings toys in there. I take them out but she always finds something to play with. She could come out every 2 minutes if I let her! (And says she didn't actually go the last time she came out to use the bathroom).
And no, I cannot let her go to bed later. She has to be up early for school and even if she did go to bed later she still does this.

I don't make my kids ask to go to the bathroom etc. They go when they need to. Middle of the night go as much as you need. I just enforce that there is a limit how many times she can come out at bedtime.


Sit with her in her room for 10 minutes. I she’s that tired she will fall asleep.
If they want to talk sometimes I tell my kids I will count to 1000 and then they can talk. I do it very monotonous and long and they usually dose off….
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doodlesmom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 3:18 pm
Tbh, I don’t run my house that regimented at all…
So this question is so foreign to me.
If a kids comes out of bed too many times I go in and lay with them…
Or realize they’re not tired enough and let them be up a bit.
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amother
Gladiolus


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 3:38 pm
doodlesmom wrote:
Sit with her in her room for 10 minutes. I she’s that tired she will fall asleep.
If they want to talk sometimes I tell my kids I will count to 1000 and then they can talk. I do it very monotonous and long and they usually dose off….


I like the counting idea.

2 of my kids have adhd. One is very impulsive the other is my absent-minded professor. LOL
They have water bottles next to their beds, if they need the bathroom it's not even a discussion, they just go. Even if they have to sit in, they go. But the rule is no books or toys in the bathroom. (Eww) There are a few books I allow (they choose a few and we clean them regularly) if they need to chill in there. But no books in toilet after bedtime.

When they can't fall asleep and are in that "mode" due to sugar, missing bedtime, daybafter a simcha or whatever laying with them helps.
They have night laps and read for 20-25 minutes then I remind them to put the books down. But they do not have the ability to just chill and dose off stam. So almost every night we have this conversation.
"Kids, it's time to put your books down"
"OK. Good night"
30 seconds later
"Mommmmmmy! Ugh I can't sleeeeeep!"
"Oy! Have you tried closing your eyes"
"It doesn't help. I want melochew"
"OK, you know what? If after 15 minutes of laying in bed without your book you are still awake ill give you melochew"
"No 15 minutes is too long. 10 minutes"
"Fine, let's compromise and do 12. But no books, no talking for 12 minutes. Ill set a timer"
"OK. GN"


9x out of 10 they are asleep before 5 minutes.

There are a a few times when they really can't fall asleep then melochew will do the trick. Very very few times though.
They just need to know that help is coming and they need to lay still for "only" 12 minutes and then they just fall asleep.
GL
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 3:51 pm
Please let your daughter empty her bladder.
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2023, 4:53 pm
As long as she doesn't need your help, why do you care when she goes to the bathroom? Scratching Head

The alternative is wetting her bed, which is clearly the worse option.
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