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Forum
-> Children's Health
Sunny Days
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 Wed, Mar 22 2023, 6:14 pm
| zaq wrote: | | There's ideal, and there's what people do, and they're not always the same. This is because people are fallible, lazy, self-indulgent, careless, in a rush, and occasionally even ignorant through no fault of their own. Were it not so, no one would smoke, do recreational drugs, jaywalk, overeat, leave young children home alone, climb ladders with both hands full, or eat confectioner's-sugar-coated cookies while wearing black cashmere. |
Zaq!!!
Ok your entire post was great, to the point and humorous, but the last line totally takes the cake err cookie?
Edited a typo
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Amarante
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 6:23 pm
| honey36 wrote: | No, I don't think people should be completely careless and just throw all safety out the window in the sake of having more kids. But I do think it's okay if a few of the "stricter" rules are not kept. Everyone should just do the best they can.
Do you think we should limit our kids just because they don't have any extra room in the house in case one of them gets sick or we don't have time to shower them all 4 times a week (IME kids under 7 still need help bathing) |
Obviously family planning is a personal decision
All I can say is that my observation is that many families with large numbers of children who are closely spaced do not provide the level of emotional and other aspects of parenting that I think are critical.
Showers are just an outward objective measure for what are probably other things which fall by the wayside because ultimately a person only has limited time and energy however much they try.
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amother
Peony
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 6:30 pm
| Amarante wrote: | Obviously family planning is a personal decision
All I can say is that my observation is that many families with large numbers of children who are closely spaced do not provide the level of emotional and other aspects of parenting that I think are critical.
Showers are just an outward objective measure for what are probably other things which fall by the wayside because ultimately a person only has limited time and energy however much they try. |
Not in my experience. There are some that do and some that don't, in both large and small families.
I know some large families that provide for all the physical and emotional needs of their children, and some small families that don't. And vice versa.
Different people are created with different strengths, and while one may be overwhelmed by 5 kids and drop many balls, another mother may be able to have 10 kids and be fully present for them and not miss anything. Different people also have different amounts of help and resources.
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mommy3b2c
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 6:34 pm
| honey36 wrote: | This says you should share a room with baby until 6-12 months. Who actually does that, lol. Do the people who make these guidelines even have kids?
OP, I totally agree with you and make fun of these things all the time. Especially the hygiene stuff. Like what's going to happen to your kids if they only shower once a week? As long as they don't smell, I think that's fine. (For the record, my kids do shower more often than that, but I don't judge others who are too busy or whatever)
Or like if one kid is sick, try not to spread the germs with other kids in the house . Lol. Anyone who has kids/toddlers knows that of they have a runny nose, the germs are literally everywhere. It's a losing battle so why make yourself crazy? Kids get sick, that's part of life.
What's funny to me is that the safety and hygiene stuff is so important, but the nutrition no one really cares about.
https://www.imamother.com/foru.....04027 |
Who doesn’t share a room with their baby until at least six months ?
I share a bed for at least a year …
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Amarante
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 6:35 pm
| amother Peony wrote: | Not in my experience. There are some that do and some that don't, in both large and small families.
I know some large families that provide for all the physical and emotional needs of their children, and some small families that don't. And vice versa.
Different people are created with different strengths, and while one may be overwhelmed by 5 kids and drop many balls, another mother may be able to have 10 kids and be fully present for them and not miss anything. Different people also have different amounts of help and resources. |
Yes I realize this is the go to mantra of imamother that size is irrelevant in terms of being able to provide quality attention to every child.
Yes of course there are terrible parents who have one child.
But in terms of the average normal person, the quality of attention that is able to be given to each child is going to be better when there are well spaced children.
I just don't see how this could be denied unless it is a wealthy household and the mother has sufficient help so that all of the time can be spent in the higher level aspects of parenting and the mundane care is done by housekeepers or other servant.
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honey36
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 6:54 pm
| Amarante wrote: | Yes I realize this is the go to mantra of imamother that size is irrelevant in terms of being able to provide quality attention to every child.
Yes of course there are terrible parents who have one child.
But in terms of the average normal person, the quality of attention that is able to be given to each child is going to be better when there are well spaced children.
I just don't see how this could be denied unless it is a wealthy household and the mother has sufficient help so that all of the time can be spent in the higher level aspects of parenting and the mundane care is done by housekeepers or other servant. |
I agree with you, but I also think people can be smart and use their brains to figure out what is actually important for their child's health and safety, and what is "extra". This way they can channel their time and resources accordingly. Sorry, but I don't think it's the end of the world if a child only showers once a week. Nothing terrible will happen.
Another example- a child who is still not walking at 18 months. Do you need to rush them to the PT and make time in your schedule for EI services? What will happen of they dont start walking until 24 months? Is it really so bad? My DD didn't started walking at 22 months and she's now a totally normal 8 year old.
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honey36
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 6:55 pm
| mommy3b2c wrote: | Who doesn’t share a room with their baby until at least six months ?
I share a bed for at least a year … |
Ok, I guess you learn something new every day. my babies are in their own room from 2 months 🤷♀️
Also IIRC the AAP guidelines say sharing a bed with baby is a no no. (Not that I agree necessarily)
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amother
Hydrangea
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 6:58 pm
| mommy3b2c wrote: | Who doesn’t share a room with their baby until at least six months ?
I share a bed for at least a year … |
I did. For all my kids.
I’m general though- I don’t take health or safety advice from Imamother. I’m an experienced mother of a large family BH and I have a pediatrician and other resources if I need.
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amother
DarkKhaki
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 7:09 pm
My babies were in their own rooms from the start, well maybe the first week. I can't sleep with babies in the room.
I guess I'm glad my baby is 22, and was never told this.
I am an absolute safety rule follower!
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amother
Beige
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 7:11 pm
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If you practice safe sleep, nothing in the crib, room at the right temperature, no bumpers etc.. the baby doesn't have to be in your room. It's because people aren't being careful that they recommend having them close by to hear them struggling to breathe
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amother
Hydrangea
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 7:19 pm
| amother Beige wrote: | | If you practice safe sleep, nothing in the crib, room at the right temperature, no bumpers etc.. the baby doesn't have to be in your room. It's because people aren't being careful that they recommend having them close by to hear them struggling to breathe |
Listen- when the baby is crying and I’m exhausted, I want to walk the least amount of steps to get my baby. An arms reach cosleeper is zero steps.
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amother
Orchid
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 7:20 pm
didn't read the whole thread so sorry if I'm repeating. There is part of boropark lakewood and Monsey that do one thing and then the rest of the world varies. Everywhere money and time is a factor too.
Trends and peer pressure in these places come before health and safety.
Baby in a car seat first post now its trendy to buy a car seat coat that goes over the car sear with a fur hood it cost over $100. This is actually very practical also because blanket could fall off. Unfortunately there is no good solution for older toddlers, so toddlers are usually in a coat
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amother
Arcticblue
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 7:21 pm
| amother Beige wrote: | | If you practice safe sleep, nothing in the crib, room at the right temperature, no bumpers etc.. the baby doesn't have to be in your room. It's because people aren't being careful that they recommend having them close by to hear them struggling to breathe | It's [supposed to be]instinctive for humans to want their infants close by. For attachment. These guidelines literally make people lose their instincts.
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amother
Daphne
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 7:27 pm
| amother Arcticblue wrote: | People should wake up and realize that these agencies don't actually give a hoot about anyone's health or safety. They're all about lining their own pockets. They are basically pharma reps. That doesn't mean that everything they say is false, but they neither are they some kind of divinity to be worshipped. Use your brains, people. It's 2023 and America's state of health is nothing to be admired.
https://www.aap.org/en/philant.....ners/
Oh and your pediatrician isn't some kind of parenting guru either. They are good for running bloodwork, strep tests and viral panels, diagnosing acute issues and dispensing medication when needed. Their training basically consists of matching clusters of symptoms to allopathic drugs. They are NOT experts at feeding, sleeping, breastfeeding, childrearing, preventing or treating chronic illnesses, and treating mild, normal health issues. |
Totally depends on your pediatrician. Mine Gave me excellent advice on breastfeeding, feeding issues.... he is very experienced and down to earth. Everything is based on research and decades of experience.
And yes- normal doctor who isn't into random placebos that don't have scientific backing.
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amother
Hydrangea
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 7:27 pm
| amother Orchid wrote: | didn't read the whole thread so sorry if I'm repeating. There is part of boropark lakewood and Monsey that do one thing and then the rest of the world varies. Everywhere money and time is a factor too.
Trends and peer pressure in these places come before health and safety.
Baby in a car seat first post now its trendy to buy a car seat coat that goes over the car sear with a fur hood it cost over $100. This is actually very practical also because blanket could fall off. Unfortunately there is no good solution for older toddlers, so toddlers are usually in a coat |
No. It’s used because it’s a shower cap style cover that allows baby to stay warm without baby having to wear a coat in a car seat. Wearing a coat in a car seat is very unsafe.
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amother
Beige
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 7:27 pm
| amother Arcticblue wrote: | | It's [supposed to be]instinctive for humans to want their infants close by. For attachment. These guidelines literally make people lose their instincts. |
No it's not instinctive, many people sleep better in a separate room and there is nothing wrong with that.
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amother
DarkOrange
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 7:36 pm
| amother Peony wrote: | Not in my experience. There are some that do and some that don't, in both large and small families.
I know some large families that provide for all the physical and emotional needs of their children, and some small families that don't. And vice versa.
Different people are created with different strengths, and while one may be overwhelmed by 5 kids and drop many balls, another mother may be able to have 10 kids and be fully present for them and not miss anything. Different people also have different amounts of help and resources. |
My mom only had 2 kids and she let my dad drive the car with us in it over a flooded bridge. After terrifying us by saying that he shouldn't do it and we all could die 🙄
We didn't have daily baths either, but I don't begrudge her for that at all. Who cares? Didn't bother me at all. I preferred to take them less, and no one ever complained that I smelled.
Some things matter, some don't.
Btw, the car b"h made it over the bridge safely, but I definitely do begrudge both mom and dad for being willing to take that stupid risk, instead of just turning the car around, rerouteing, and taking an extra 30 min to get home.
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amother
Peachpuff
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 7:36 pm
| honey36 wrote: |
Another example- a child who is still not walking at 18 months. Do you need to rush them to the PT and make time in your schedule for EI services? What will happen of they dont start walking until 24 months? Is it really so bad? My DD didn't started walking at 22 months and she's now a totally normal 8 year old. |
A child not walking at 18 months can be (isn’t necessarily for sure but CAN BE) a sign of a larger issue that needs to be evaluated for. It isn’t the lack of walking itself that’s a problem per se but what it might indicate.
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amother
Phlox
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 7:39 pm
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In most cultures, mothers co sleep with their young ones. As mothers did throughout the generations. Separating a baby from its mother is a very recent western innovation.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Wed, Mar 22 2023, 7:43 pm
| mommy3b2c wrote: | Who doesn’t share a room with their baby until at least six months ?
I share a bed for at least a year … |
Me… I get anxiety from having baby in my room and can’t sleep. It would mean lack of sleep for me and no s-x for a year which would affect our shalom bayis. (I can’t relax when baby is in the room for fear they’ll wake up and I’ll need to breastfeed)
And I have to work to pay the bills so I can’t slee late so lack of sleep makes me anxious too
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