S/o- "breaking up" with a best friend

amother

Pansy

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 3:52 pm

Twice. My closest high school friend and my closest friend between highschool and marriage . Both broke apart after I got married. Different reasons.
The more I think about those friendships the more I wonder if they were ever real.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 6:10 pm

amother Pansy wrote:

The more I think about those friendships the more I wonder if they were ever real.

friendships don't have to be forever to be genuine. they don't have to be forever, period. they serve a purpose for a time and then dissolve when they no longer serve that purpose, though you don't form them with this in mind. that a friendship ended says nothing about the quality of that relationship, even if it ended on a less than pleasant note.

amother

Blonde

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 6:17 pm

Yes. I was very hurt and perplexed by her final blow-up, but then I realized that she has some deep-rooted personality issues, and my hurt changed to pitty for her.
I still daven that she should be well and that her relationships don’t crumble.

amother

Wheat

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 10:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

Did anyone experience a breakup with their best friend? I had a best friend for years- we spoke every day, saw each other all the time, and one day she just stopped being friends with me. It was so hurtful and till this day I'm baffled. And I miss her. It happened a while ago but I still think about it. I haven't had another best friend like that since.

https://www.npr.org/transcripts/1165070213
Really interesting article on this topic! I hope I did it right

amother

Nasturtium

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 12:25 am

Recently ended a friendship of 5 years. Started as casual friends but became much closer during pandemic. I'm married 40 years, she has been divorced 15 years. I realized that I was giving 90% in the relationship. I'm a very giving person but she had major anxiety and would go on rants, and appeared at my door frequently to " vent" about all her " horrible " family members. It was straight- up lashon hara. I tried to be a support but started feeling very stressed when she was around and dreaded seeing her. It felt obligatory. Then she started showing up for shabbes lunch uninvited every week, which I only reserve for my adult kids at this point.
Finally, she shared she was smoking pot and drinking. I really was done. It was like having a teenager for a friend. Texted her I needed some space and she was very respectful. After a few weeks, I realized I was so much happier without her. She reached out by text and I wished her well but nothing had changed for me. No point to hurt her and have dialog because I'm DONE with it. She is nasty when I see her at shul, but I'm so much happier and learned I have a soft spot for older, single women. I stay quite clear of them now. Don't have the bandwidth for that.

amother

Snow

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 2:23 am

Agree with all above except attribute it to personality and boundaries not a group not older not single etc
Good for you for being assertive and appropriate instead of stewing in a rut Chas v shalom