Would you send your baby overnight?

amother

Clear

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 5:17 pm

amother Milk wrote:

If it's in your own house at least you can hear how long baby is crying for and if they are being taken care of. And you can hear how the nurse handles things. In the reverse, you wouldn't hear for how long your baby is crying for before being helped.

No I didn't hear a thing, nor did I want to. The point was to get myself a good night's sleep!

DVOM

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 5:18 pm

First, I've never heard the expression 'fresh newborn' before this thread. It's making me smile.

Second, no, I would never do this. I've had baby nurses after c-sections because I found it hard to get in and out of bed, and difficult to sit down or stand up while holding the baby (I needed to hands to get myself in and out of chairs, bed). The nurse would bring me the baby at night, put the baby back in his crib afterwards. Sometimes I would skip a feeding to catch up on sleep. But the baby was always right next door. I needed help, but I'd never want to be out of earshot with a 'fresh infant' (love that expression!).

giftedmom

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 5:20 pm

amother Sand wrote:

Much much easier and also very needed OP, is overnight babysitting for toddlers, short term. Ages 1-3 if the parents have a wedding or medical emergency etc.
If you’re in Brooklyn it’s $150 per night, I think.

This
But personally I sent to a reputable babysitter I then heard terrible rumors about. So nowadays I would send away before two.

amother

Clear

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 5:20 pm

amother Jean wrote:

Ok, il be the voice of dissent!

Yes I would!
Provided its a frum nurse and I trust her fully.

I know someone who did this with a relative, she sent her baby out for the first few months every night.

And If I have a night nurse in my home, I do not want to hear the baby at all.
Whats the point then?
Point is to get my sleep.

This.
A few women from our small community do this as a business and they're busy. A few do want in their own homes. My sister leaves her baby when she goes away with her husband. With an overnight babysitter. I'm surprised you've never heard of it being done. It's very common.
I personally wouldn't leave an older baby to a strangers house, but a newborn? Why ever not?

DrMom

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 5:28 pm

amother Clear wrote:

I would never leave my kids overnight in a stranger's home. Certainly not a baby (newborn or otherwise).

I don't know anyone who would do this.

amother

Ballota

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 5:30 pm

DrMom wrote:

I would never leave my kids overnight in a stranger's home.

I don't know anyone who would do this.

Same. Never heard of overnight babysitters before this site. This must be community dependent .

amother

Jean

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 5:33 pm

amother Ballota wrote:

Same. Never heard of overnight babysitters before this site. This must be community dependent .

I would never leave to in a stranger.

Whoever I send to has been vetted and checked and referenced obviously.

A night nurse I am less worried then a big kid tbh.

amother

Clear

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 5:46 pm

DrMom wrote:

I would never leave my kids overnight in a stranger's home. Certainly not a baby (newborn or otherwise).

I don't know anyone who would do this.

But they're not quite strangers. For example one person who does it is my sister in law sister who we see often at simchas etc.
Another one is someone from our community who we 'know' she's not our friend, but not quite a stranger either.

amother

Daisy

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 5:49 pm

Someone who would send away their newborn every night for a while baring extreme circumstances shouldn’t have given birth imo.
Nights and days are part of the package.
Maybe we should have sitters who do the first year stage for parents? Bring your newborn get her back as a sweet toddler sleeping through the night…

amother

Clear

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 5:50 pm

amother Jean wrote:

I think I know this person who sent to a relative. I also know of someone who did this. It was to a cousin of hers. It's amazing, she could concentrate on getting her strength back postpartum and being a mother to her other kids. If you have the money I don't see a problem with it. There will be less postpartum depression if this was more of a mainstream thing to do.
Good for this mother!

amother

Clear

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 5:52 pm

amother Daisy wrote:

Who are you to judge? Maybe said person doesn't know how she'll feel after birth? That's just ridiculous.

doodlesmom

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 5:53 pm

amother Clear wrote:

Nope!
If the child is in the house even with a nurse the mom can always go hold her baby for 5-10 minutes. If the baby is super agitated the mom can cal, it etc.
Spend quality time etc.
When the baby is in a different house this doesn’t happen and they don’t bond properly.

amother

Jean

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 5:55 pm

amother Clear wrote:

Lol yes!

Fully agree.
Whats the difference if you have a night nurse in your home or baby goes out??

Point is to be a better mother.

I know of someone who is having a night nurse for a month.
Im sure there are people who have a night nurse move in for a few weeks or months at a time.

So the dynamics are slightly different this time.
No one should be embaressed about this.

Goldie613

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 6:05 pm

I wouldn't be comfortable doing so, unless it was perhaps someone who was part of my mishpacha or someone I had known personally for a lot of years.

I do understand that there can be unusual circumstances that would require this, such as medical issues that affect another child or one of the parents in the house, but I don't think it would be something many people would be comfortable with under ordinary situations.

amother

Daisy

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 6:07 pm

amother Clear wrote:

Who are you to judge? Maybe said person doesn't know how she'll feel after birth? That's just ridiculous.

Again, unless there are extreme circumstances it’s always better for mother and baby under 1 roof.
Please tell me you get that.
If a person just wants to rest up I’m all for bringing someone into your house. It’s very different than sending away.
I would hope that anyone who has a nurse in their house checks in with the baby right before going to sleep, when waking up to use the bathroom, in the morning etc…
That besides for the fact that they’re around if there’s any issue or concern.

Bonding is so important.

Again a night or 2 is also different than long term.

For those saying good that the mother is taking care of herself, would you feel the same if she leaves the baby there by day too?

amother

Rainbow

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 6:26 pm

amother Jean wrote:

Um huge difference. Ive had baby nurses and I can peek into the room any time of night, say I rest from 10-12 get up a drink bathroom or another child the nurse always leaves the door open so I can see my baby. I can hear my baby at all times if I want to ans I have definitely been involved with the nurses on when to feed or soothe or even help out in cases of extreme colic. My priority is my baby I would never rest knowing someone may not be caring for the baby the way I intend. At home even when not on "active duty" I am the mom and the baby is in my control.

Also op, it would be unfair to these newborns if you were caring for them all night while you haven't slept by day, and I would not appreciate having my child in your care at daycare knowing you voluntarily are up multiple times a night. This is the part that's the craziest to me.

amother

Forsythia

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 6:34 pm

amother Clear wrote:

So she sent her baby over to her cousins house each night? I guess if it works for her …

I bought a snoo and dh woke up with baby at night because I’m at very high risk of ppd (have had it multiple times) but I cannot envision having baby out of the house all night on a regular basis. Occasionally yes, if I’m desperate for a break.