How to make in-laws’ Seder fun without taking over

amother

Firebrick

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 10:23 pm

amother DarkPurple wrote:

We always make a mock seder for the really little kids on the first day. They drink Grape juice say ma nishtana and sing songs they learned. It's so much calmer because kids are well rested and adults don't need to concentrate on the seder.

We do this too. Dh makes a whole show of putting on his kittel, washing for Karpas, breaking middle matza, mah nishtana, maror...we do the whole thing for the little ones. It's really not fun for them if they're getting kvetchy, wild, silly, needy. It's not fun for anyone like that.

amother

Clear

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 6:07 am

We had a teacher who put together a whole brilliant presentation on how to engage the kids at the seder. It included some of the elements mentioned above. She also made bingo cards (you can make your own 4x4 grid as well with things like drink grape juice, wash, karpas, dayeinu, matza, slaves, etc). The markers can be candies. She suggested handing out lollies with Q stickers on them for every question a child asks. I might change that to small inexpensive toys like finger puppets or frogs. Other families I know have a parade around the table for yetziet mitzrayim (some even dressed in robes and head scarves). A few Persian families I know have scallions or leeks that they gently "hit" each other with to symbolize masters beating their slaves. My in laws are very serious and I was a bit nervous coming with a bag of these props on the side for their seders when my kids were little. My mil later told me how great it was. Was very pleasantly surprised. Amazon sells a number of little kid books (Sesame Street) that we also read together and I had kiddie haggadahs with cute pictures that we followed. To be honest, I miss all that now that my kids are older. It made the Seder more exciting for me.

amother

Winterberry

Thu, Mar 23 2023, 6:45 am

amother OP wrote:

I don’t think this will fly with just the one grandkchild this year, but I’d like to keep it in mind for future. How does it work - does everyone do the second cup, matzah, and maror (and then go back to maggid at bedtime) or just the kids? Is the older generation involved in the kids Seder or are they just doing their own thing separately and the parents run the kids Seder?

Just the kids do the second cup etc. The teenage/young adult aunts and uncles use the time to share dvrei Torah on the steps we sped through or maggid, the grandparents jump back and forth between the dvrei Torah and shepping nachas from the kids.

snailmail

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 1:56 pm

Depending on dynamics, Get you husband to speak to his father beforehand, explain the situation, and prepare at least some things he can do for your daughter at beginning of seder to make it more interesting - like explained here by others, but then after Mah Nishtana put her to sleep. Alternatively, sit with her & go through all her projects right after Mah Nishtanah, like a fast track seder, sing her songs, give her more grape juice, matza & meal etc, then put her to bed. Second night you can stretch it out & do all the other things you want to with her.