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HS Girl Clothing Shopping
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Mar 27 2023, 7:35 pm
I am speechless.

I keep trying to organize my thoughts but they are a blindsided, jumbled mess.

What would my “letter to the editor” even say?

Teen girl clothing shopping has gotten completely out of hand. I am a long-time member here, joined when my oldest teen was just a baby! I have seen the rant evolution and every time I think it’s all going to be ok. Someone will put an end to this madness. But it just keeps getting worse.

There is a big problem with the frum clothing shopping in our American communities, especially for girls, and it needs to stop. The prices are insanely high; the girls expect new things every season. If your temimusdik/tomboy/yehupitz daughter is the exception then good for you.

But for the rest of us…

Yes, I want my daughters to be happy and comfortable BUT I also want them to understand that this kind of spending is just not normal!!! $190 for a dress? $79 for a skirt? $112 for shoes? $60 for a top? Does this make sense?!?

How?

Any ideas?

Thank you all for “listening.”

This has been bubbling beneath the surface for a long time and it feels good to unload.

I want to be a part of a sustainable solution.
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amother
Lemonlime


 

Post Mon, Mar 27 2023, 7:43 pm
Do you live in lakewood?
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Mar 27 2023, 7:54 pm
Nope
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Mon, Mar 27 2023, 7:57 pm
Agree its out of hand.

Can you buy a few things in the beginning of the season and then wait to get the rest when things go on sale?
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amother
Tan


 

Post Mon, Mar 27 2023, 8:00 pm
Yes I know. I bought my daughter 2 dresses and 1 jumper at 160 each. Total 550 ! Hoping she gets a lot of use of them. Ordered from Ali one dress for 50. She says it feels like a tablecloth. It will be am extra. Her stuff from last year are extras. She wore them for 9 months. Can you imagine?? Starting to shop for summer weekday.
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chestnut




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 27 2023, 8:00 pm
Yes, absolutely crazy.
I'd buy one new outfit now for pesach and the rest - when it goes on sale. The weather isn't so warm anyway, and I'm sure she has some stuff from last pesach/summer/succos.
I went to a store that had a sale now and dresses were $60. I was wondering how it was a sale price until I saw the full price tags.
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amother
Clover


 

Post Mon, Mar 27 2023, 8:04 pm
Any suggestions where to buy sneakers that are cool? In? She wants ones for 120$ which sounds outrageous to me.. she said the others are all nerdy..
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amother
Lemonlime


 

Post Mon, Mar 27 2023, 8:06 pm
amother Clover wrote:
Any suggestions where to buy sneakers that are cool? In? She wants ones for 120$ which sounds outrageous to me.. she said the others are all nerdy..


Famous footwear
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MindOverMatter




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 27 2023, 8:15 pm
Absolutely out of hand. Added pressure over here bc we're OOT and drive in twice a year for clothes shopping. (Hello 5 hours each way!) So we feel like we [b]have to get everything all at once, and Chas v'Shalom it should be too late in the season when "all my sizes are gone!"
I have to admit to you, I gave up this time. Entirely. I was in such denial that I DIDN'T LOOK AT MOST PRICE TAGS.
Needless to say, my CC eventually said "no more" and It literally maxed out. 3 teenage girls, who want to look sharp and put together . . . We spent thousands . . . This, mind you, was 2-3 Shabbes each and weekday.
I came back more shell shocked then ever.
But, yeah, now that they're growing less, we"ll have to stop the expectation of new clothes every season. It has to stop. (But first, seminary shopping . . ...)
I feel your pain, OP. I'm right there with you.
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amother
PlumPink


 

Post Mon, Mar 27 2023, 8:16 pm
I wish shoes were $112! I like these Jewish shoe brands just fine but why are ballet flats for a HS girl $208? I went to Kohl's and got her ballet flats for $37, she says they're not the same at all. It's all the same to me! Am I wrong/unreasonable?? I'm sure the Jewish brand is a much better quality and worth every penny but she's young and only wearing them for a few months so I'm okay with the cheaper quality. I feel terrible because she's such a good girl and helper so maybe I should just get the ones she wants. Not sure why the Kohl's ones aren't posting but Zara has a similar shoe too.

Beautiful quality shoes that are probably worth every penny, just not doable in my budget


Similar style from Zara
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amother
Plum


 

Post Mon, Mar 27 2023, 8:27 pm
It will never end.
I was in sixth grade 30+ years ago. I grew up real OOT.
It was the days of Zoe dresses. They were gorgeous and way out of my parents budget. But, lots of the yeshivas girls had them. Their mothers would travel to NY and go to BP to shop for them.
It was the days of leather backpacks from whispers and whimsies.
It has always been a value in some communities.
We who cannot afford it, have to find the self worth from within, because it is NEVER going to end. BH, there are many many who can afford it. And there are many who can’t who will spend anyway.
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chestnut




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 27 2023, 8:29 pm
amother PlumPink wrote:
I wish shoes were $112! I like these Jewish shoe brands just fine but why are ballet flats for a HS girl $208? I went to Kohl's and got her ballet flats for $37, she says they're not the same at all. It's all the same to me! Am I wrong/unreasonable?? I'm sure the Jewish brand is a much better quality and worth every penny but she's young and only wearing them for a few months so I'm okay with the cheaper quality. I feel terrible because she's such a good girl and helper so maybe I should just get the ones she wants. Not sure why the Kohl's ones aren't posting but Zara has a similar shoe too.

Beautiful quality shoes that are probably worth every penny, just not doable in my budget


Similar style from Zara

What??? $208 shoes for a teen?!! Gosh, I never bought anywhere near such price for myself!
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Mon, Mar 27 2023, 8:30 pm
If you want to post some ideas of what you're looking for and we can try to help with links as it is possible to try to find some cheaper stuff sometimes...
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chestnut




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 27 2023, 8:31 pm
amother Floralwhite wrote:
If you want to post some ideas of what you're looking for and we can try to help with links as it is possible to try to find some cheaper stuff sometimes...

Right. Junees shabbos dresses are around or under $100
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chestnut




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 27 2023, 9:14 pm
If you're in Brooklyn, I just saw that Forever Young extended their sale for this week. Worth checking out
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amother
Clear


 

Post Mon, Mar 27 2023, 11:00 pm
Did you try udel?
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Mar 28 2023, 3:17 am
Thank you, everyone.

I’d like to think I’m a normal, with-it, but still sane mother. And this season has had me questioning EVERYTHING.

At first I (also) thought I’d just not look at the prices. But after 3 purchases that tiny inner voice became a scream in my brain. No. This is not good chinuch, it is not fair to the greater community to keep feeding the madness, it is not financially responsible.

Yes. I put my foot down to ($208) A Soliani shoes. I won that “battle,” I guess you could say. But we ended up with $112 Esporre ones.

Yes, we looked on Udel. Yes, we found clothing. No, I did not find that the prices were * that * much better. ($79 shabbos skirt, etc) AND to make matters worse, Udel is considered more of a bdi eved shopping option in the girls circles. Ugh.

We’ve done the shein, Zara, hm runs. We’ve occasionally gotten lucky finding shoes, a cardigan, etc here and there. But not really significant savings.

Thank you again everyone for your input. It is great validation. I don’t like being a kvetch about these things but I feel like it’s come to a point where I feel like my brain hurts and I need to get certain sentiments out of my system.
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amother
Lemonlime


 

Post Tue, Mar 28 2023, 4:58 am
You are right, op.
I have 2 teens and I’m dealing with this now.
It’s especially hitting me for 2 reasons.
1- my older daughter stopped growing and technically she can wear her clothing from last year. I know she’s used to getting new things but that was simply because as the season changed she didn’t fit into her clothing anymore. So I also question myself… why am I doing this??
2- there has been inflation and prices are beyond ridiculous now

We also tried udel, junees and I can’t remember where else. No luck. Shopping is very draining and time consuming. When we finally found 3 dresses I just bought them because I wanted to be DONE. But it bothers me very much that I spent $170 on a thin cotton dress when it should have cost $70.
And we need alternations too..

I think in the future I will tell my daughters that I will buy them 1-2 new things l’kovod yt but they have to wear what they already have too.

So now that my girls have beautiful new things to wear… guess who didn’t get anything?
Dancing Bring it on
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Mar 28 2023, 5:02 am
Yups. I bought myself a new tichel. Zehu. #yotzei
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little neshamala




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 28 2023, 5:24 am
We BH can afford to buy these clothes, and we davka dont.
Ive trained my kids (yes, teens too) from a young age that we dont wear obviously brand name clothing in order not to cause pain to those who cant afford it. (Can you tell I grew up very poor and hurting terribly in a class of spendy girls?) I will buy my kids brand name clothes for quality, but only if there is no obvious logo or name on it.
My kids are growing up with an inner confidence and self worth, and every so often this comes up-even with non brand name items, but just super expensive ones from frum stores, and I simply explain the situation to them.
"We can afford it, but this is pure waste. I can not condone such money wasting when there are so many people in our community who cant pay their electricity bills. We will not be shopping in these stores . Zehu."
We live in monsey ny, and my kids like looking good, but they get what im saying, and theyre happy. These stores are just not an option for us, on principle. We've gotten lucky on shein (order a humongous $900 order, and send about 2/3 of it back, still came out with loads of outfits that look very nice). Or we shop end of season sales, amazon prime, H&M, zara....
We buy cute hair accessories and jewelry, and dont even spend much. And they all look great BH.

My other (main) reason for doing this is to give my children the tools they will need later in their adult lives
, to be able to spend within their means and not feel the pressure to do what everyone else does. If I let them spend outrageous money on clothes "they have to have", what will train them to have the strength not to make the upsherin they cant afford, not to buy their kids clothes they cant afford, not to make a bar mitzvah they cant afford, not to lease a car they cant afford, not to buy a house they cant afford?
Tell me why is it that this generation has so many young couples with massive credit card debt??
Why is the organization Mesila, and other financial advisors, FULL of young couples who are drowning in debt with crazy spending habits?
Its very scary.
We need to teach our children when theyre young, by example-and honestly, pesach clothing shopping is a perfect opportunity.
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