Trigger warning: having children is a privilege!

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Yolk

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 1:43 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

I would also be upset by those comments. I don't know ANYONE in real life who talks like that! Like seriously, I can't even think of one person, no one.
There seems to be a connection lacking between the parent and their children and I can't imagine it won't affect the kids. How would you feel if your parent decides they'll just leave you by the babysitter overnight since hey you are going back there tomorrow anyway? Why can't a 6 month old have a relationship with their older siblings? yes more might be going on, but then deal with that and don't have another child!

This. Never heard anything like that. Do you live in a country where nurses & nanies are very cheap therefore people are prone to using them too much? Most of the world is not like that at all.

I don't even know anyone with a nanny or baby nurse except for a nurse for the first couple weeks.

BaltoMom65

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 1:59 pm

amother Mayflower wrote:

Those sound like people who don’t actually want to parent children, they’re just collectors.

Perfectly summed up!

amother

Bisque

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 2:01 pm

We actually HAVE a government agency that is tasked with determining parents' fitness to raise their kids. It's called CPS. Yes they help many children, and destroy others.

amother

Hawthorn

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 2:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

Real life situations making me post….
Maybe I’m not expressing myself well, and maybe I’m just so upset at these choices that I’m not thinking rationally about all different scenarios where I’m wrong.,,

“I’m having a baby, but my family is doing a trip when the baby is 2 weeks old and I don’t want to miss out, so a nurse will move into my empty house and take care of my newborn for 3 weeks while I’m on the trip”

“I don’t always have patience to pick up my kid from the sitter after I finish working, especially if I might want to go out at night. They’re going back in the morning in either case…so I just let them stay their overnight”

“My 6 month old is afraid of his siblings, because they never interact since he’s in the room all day with his nurse. I do go in to visit 2-3 times a day….
Next conversation….I feel like I’m ready for another one…”

This is not at all typical. But not everyone is made to be a mom and being that in our community, everyone becomes one unless they have infertility problems, that means this type of woman either has ppd and wants to kill herself and may abuse her kids because she doesn’t have what it takes to raise them, or she is lucky and has the funds to behave the way this woman is. The kid exists which is a positive thing. The kid may end up with emotional issues but don’t we all?

I wouldn’t choose to spend my time judging parents. Parenting is HARD and nonstop and we all do our best.

If I was going to judge, I would judge the mom who doesn’t have the resources to outsource the care of her children, knows she can’t handle taking care of them without being abusive to them, but has them anyways. Not the one who knew she had the resources to raise her kids safely. But I would never judge someone. How are you to know if you can handle being a parent until you become one? I have a very hard time being a parent but only figured that out after my first and now I want to give him a sibling or two so here we are…

amother

Pansy

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 2:28 pm

amother Yolk wrote:

I didn't read responses but the idea that having children is a privilege is a very privileged way of thinking.

The idea of needing a license to have a baby is pretty much eugenics.

tichellady

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 2:41 pm

I get what the op is saying. it makes sense to me. maybe because this is the prevalent attitude in my community so it's familiar to me

amother

cornflower

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 3:47 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Maybe you want government to enforce a one child policy with forced abortion and sterilization like the Communist Chinese?

Strange how people crave being a slave.

This is not what I meant. You hear on the news terrible stories of child neglect or children who have been abused or killed at the hands of their parents. There is nothing to prevent drug addicts, alcoholics, psychopaths etc from having children.

Everyone can drive a car - you just need to go through some background checks and some driving lessons. It would be nice if we could do the same for getting a license to parent.

PS parents who are looking to adopt have to go through a whole process, background check, psychological evaluation etc. What's the difference?

#BestBubby

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 4:32 pm

Do not give more power to government!!!

They are evil.

Persecute good parents, protect bad parents.

Do not be naive.

amother

Pear

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 4:34 pm

Op what’s the point of you posting this?

writeread

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 10:05 pm

The Rav in his Haggadah says that having children is a human right. It is also the first mitzvah in the Torah, the first basic guide given to humanity - before any other mitzvah or midda or ideal. That’s the Torah perspective.

amother

Caramel

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 10:36 pm

OP really didn’t say anything controversial, I don’t know why people are getting so upset.

amother

Electricblue

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 10:42 pm

amother Caramel wrote:

OP really didn’t say anything controversial, I don’t know why people are getting so upset.

The word ‘privilege’

Having children isn’t a privilege. It’s a blessing.

amother

Green

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 11:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

Honestly, these people sound extremely privileged. I think you're using the wrong word - with privilege comes responsibility and I feel that these people are using their privilege very carelessly and thoughtlessly. Its ironic that it's sometimes the poor mother who squashes her kids in a tiny house and feeds her kids simple foods and dresses them in hand me downs... is actually being a much better mother.

I think the term "poor little rich kids" was coined for this situation.

amother

Dimgray

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 11:14 pm

Honestly I think OP meant that having children is a commitment, or that having children is a responsibility.

chestnut

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 11:15 pm

mushkamothers wrote:

It's not a privilege, that implies that only certain people can/should have kids. That's basically eugenics.

It is a big gift and a big bracha and also a big responsibility.

This.

amother

Burntblack

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 11:17 pm

amother Caramel wrote:

OP really didn’t say anything controversial, I don’t know why people are getting so upset.

She took a non controversial statement and wrote it in a controversial way. You need to take care of your kids! Throw tomatoes!

Like, who’s disagreeing?

I also don’t understand her point.

It seems people are just confused at the word privileged here, which is totally out of place and not in context.

chestnut

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 11:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

Whoa!
Now I'm curious which circles you're from where people do this. Never ever heard of such scenarios.
These women are just spoiled, and it'll trickle into all spheres of their lives - marriage, kids, etc.

amother

Pansy

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 11:22 pm

amother cornflower wrote:

Funny you should say that, because children who are fostered or adopted are much more likely to be abused, not less.

amother

Caramel

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 11:23 pm

amother Electricblue wrote:

The word ‘privilege’

Having children isn’t a privilege. It’s a blessing.

It’s both.

amother

Blushpink

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 11:34 pm

I know you meant well but This kind of post is dangerous.
There are so many parents who are struggling with struggling teens who are being judged by parents who have children with no special needs.

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