Managing caretaker phone use

amother

Thu, Mar 30 2023, 10:24 am

We have an amazing live-in who I clearly see cares about our child and loves him. I trust her.

However, she’s in her early 20s and, from what I see (husband and I work from home and see her here and there with our child during the day), she uses her phone a lot and even has an AirPod in one ear sometimes while with our kid.

I want to communicate the obvious to her, which is that I don’t want her on her phone so much with our child! But I know that spending all day with a toddler can be boring and exhausting. What would you say to her? Would you designate certain hours as times where she has to leave her phone in her room? Would you explicitly tell her no AirPod in the ear? Some of this feels so obvious to me that I’m baffled I have to tell her to change.

What’s weird is my child never kvetches or fusses for her attention. From my office, I can overhear that child is happy, laughing, enjoying. If she were ignoring child and stuck on her phone, he’d cry.

Basically I want help on all the ways I can communicate the phone / AirPod issue while also providing solutions. I feel like saying “please limit your phone time” is vague, I want clear solutions that also make her feel like I’m not helicoptering her.

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Mar 30 2023, 10:37 am

I would think about whether there is anything she's not doing that you want her to be doing, and ask for that. More outdoor time, more of certain kinds of activities. Instead of making it about the phone.

During early COVID, we had a college age babysitter watching our 3 young kids. She would bring her smartphone and laptop. She sometimes did her homework at our house and I'm sure she used her phone too. But I wasn't worried about it, because I saw how much she was doing with them each day while I worked from home. She took our kids outside to play twice a day, unless it was raining. She potty trained the 2 year old. She managed the kindergartener and first grader in their online school. She did arts and crafts with them and brought her own materials over. The kids loved her. Given everything she was doing, I couldn't have cared less about her phone and laptop.

amother

Bone

Thu, Mar 30 2023, 12:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

"Please do not use your phone or have airport in your ear while taking care of x"

Someone posted that their child gagged on a piece of plastic and the caretaker was RIGHT there and didn't hear because of airport. Smiling to the baby as the baby was gagging!
She heard as she was passing the room.
She should not be distracted. You are eating her to take care of him. If she finds spending all day with a baby boring and exhausting she should get another job.

I have full time help at home, so I understand where you are coming from. I would explicitly say it. (And I have)