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How can I help my daughter who is messy?



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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Mar 30 2023, 6:34 pm
My eight year old is very messy and I want to help her now while she’s young. Is there anything I can practically do to help her? She doesn’t even realize she’s messy which is part of the problem. She comes home from school with her clothing dirty which I didn’t have with my other kids. Her knapsack is always a wreck and her papers are crunched even though she has folders. She mentioned that her desk at school is very messy…. I run a pretty organized and neat house and don’t expect much from the kids in terms of helping keep it clean because they’re kids but I feel like she needs help in this area. It doesn’t hinder her busy social life at all but I’m wondering if that could change as she gets older…
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SingALong




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 30 2023, 6:40 pm
I had a kid like that. Over a period of a year or so I organized and cleaned with her. Organized her knapsack with her, showed her item by item, and she would say if it’s to keep, put away, throw out, etc. we did the same with her room. Eventually the habits trickled in. But it really takes a lot of time.
I highly recommend the book “cozy rosy learns to clean her room”
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Mar 30 2023, 6:47 pm
Thank you! I keep on saying I don’t need her to be crazy neat and color coordinate her clothing but I want to help her not be messy/sloppy because in the long run I feel like it can affect them negatively.
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amother
Peony


 

Post Thu, Mar 30 2023, 8:05 pm
It might be an executive function thing. My 9 year old struggles with organizing. The occupational therapist worked on it with her. This year I help her at home and I see that the ideas are in place. She likely doesn't realize. Make it fun. Take her shopping and let her pick out clothes. Have her help you with laundry and point out how nice clean clothes look and smell. Praise her for trying.
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amother
Viola


 

Post Thu, Mar 30 2023, 8:24 pm
Its really hard to have a kid who has a nature so different than your own. Its also really frustrating when a kid doesn't pick up on the skills, habits and behaviors we model.

It sounds like DD needs to be taught these skills, one by one. Pick a skill, teach it, model it, and then reward her for doing it. For example, you can start with messy face. Buy her a small pocket mirror and some wipes and teach her how her face can get dirty. Then show her how to check her face for dirt and wipe it away. Teach her how often she should do it (after mealtime, after playing outside, after blowing nose). Then make a little contest for keeping her face clean, for example she earns a prize for coming home with a clean face for a few days. Once she's doing it consistently for 2-3 weeks, move on to the next thing.

If this doesn't work, you may benefit from some sessions with an occupational therapist to work on executive functioning skills.

Good luck!
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Mar 30 2023, 8:33 pm
Thank you! I appreciate the understanding and tips!
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amother
Holly


 

Post Thu, Mar 30 2023, 11:16 pm
amother Viola wrote:
Its really hard to have a kid who has a nature so different than your own. Its also really frustrating when a kid doesn't pick up on the skills, habits and behaviors we model.

It sounds like DD needs to be taught these skills, one by one. Pick a skill, teach it, model it, and then reward her for doing it. For example, you can start with messy face. Buy her a small pocket mirror and some wipes and teach her how her face can get dirty. Then show her how to check her face for dirt and wipe it away. Teach her how often she should do it (after mealtime, after playing outside, after blowing nose). Then make a little contest for keeping her face clean, for example she earns a prize for coming home with a clean face for a few days. Once she's doing it consistently for 2-3 weeks, move on to the next thing.

If this doesn't work, you may benefit from some sessions with an occupational therapist to work on executive functioning skills.

Good luck!


How do I do this with my 8 year old ds who constantly has a dirty face without it developing into an ocd behavior.
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 31 2023, 4:37 pm
what is her room like? she might need a hand setting up a system which then she could just follow.
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amother
Viola


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 5:00 am
amother Holly wrote:
How do I do this with my 8 year old ds who constantly has a dirty face without it developing into an ocd behavior.


A lot of this is training your child to "feel" the dirt on his face. So you want to encourage checking at times when his face is probably dirty and point out how it feels.

If he has a history of OCD, don't use this method. Instead, reach out to an OT for guidance.
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 6:31 am
Take a picture of how her briefcase "should" look and have her make her briefcase look like the picture. (And look up Sarah Ward - this tip is based on her ideas)
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 8:21 am
In case it helps, I think I was totally like your daughter at age 8. I was the kid with last week's sandwich, a moldy apple, and crunched up papers in my briefcase, a messy desk, etc....who forgot to give her mother notes, whose folders were a disaster, whose notebooks were scrambled....
I really think it's a growth thing. At a certain age, I suddenly straightened out and started caring. Or it just started making sense to me.
As an adult, I'm super-organized, I have a very clean home, and don't want to boast or anything, but I'm a pretty good balabuste. Pesach doesn't faze me at all.

Very similarly, I have a daughter who was a creative mess-maker, cleaning her room elevated my blood pressure (I would choose to do it every so often on a calm day when I could handle it), and around Bas Mitzvah age or so, she suddenly started developing organizational skills. It was a complete turnover, and reminded me of myself....nowadays, she's the type that folds each piece of clothing, has organizers in her drawers and everything is nicely sorted and stacked, her folders and notebooks are neat and tidy....etc...

I think it was Hashem Yaazor (poster here, for those who recognize her screen name) that told me once that there's an executive functioning boost/growth or something like that (don't remember her exact words) that kicks into the brain at that age, and I think for me and my DD this is how it translated.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 8:23 am
Chayalle wrote:
In case it helps, I think I was totally like your daughter at age 8. I was the kid with last week's sandwich, a moldy apple, and crunched up papers in my briefcase, a messy desk, etc....who forgot to give her mother notes, whose folders were a disaster, whose notebooks were scrambled....
I really think it's a growth thing. At a certain age, I suddenly straightened out and started caring. Or it just started making sense to me.
As an adult, I'm super-organized, I have a very clean home, and don't want to boast or anything, but I'm a pretty good balabuste. Pesach doesn't faze me at all.

Very similarly, I have a daughter who was a creative mess-maker, cleaning her room elevated my blood pressure (I would choose to do it every so often on a calm day when I could handle it), and around Bas Mitzvah age or so, she suddenly started developing organizational skills. It was a complete turnover, and reminded me of myself....nowadays, she's the type that folds each piece of clothing, has organizers in her drawers and everything is nicely sorted and stacked, her folders and notebooks are neat and tidy....etc...

I think it was Hashem Yaazor (poster here, for those who recognize her screen name) that told me once that there's an executive functioning boost/growth or something like that (don't remember her exact words) that kicks into the brain at that age, and I think for me and my DD this is how it translated.


So interesting!
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