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Forum -> Parenting our children
5 year old son got so difficult
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amother
Leaf


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 7:43 am
Rappel wrote:
In my household, a child whom is not acting nicely in the group gets sent to his bed for a cooling off period, until he can play nicely with others again.

Sometimes I tell him how long he'll be in time-out; sometimes I tell him he can come back when he can behave himself. If something really bad happened on the way, then he's not allowed off the bed until I come back and we have a guided discussion on appropriate behaviours and responses.


I don't let him tantrum in the main space- that's just feeding the behaviour by giving him everyone's attention.

I tell the child he needs focus time now, and needs to go to his bed. If he refuses, I say I will count, and then help him get to his bed. I count. I take him to his bed, no discussion or sympathy on the way. I go get a piece of chocolate to reward myself for maintaining my cool. Wash, rinse, repeat.

After many times of being firm and consistent, the child learns that I mean business, and goes when I tell him to. He's allowed to take a toy or book with himself to bed while taking his focus time. It helps his brain fall back into place, and doesn't allow harm to other children/himself while he's dealing with complex emotions.


This
Watch Super Nanny
You don’t need to call it time out but learn to do a proper time out with no attention
PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE behaviors that you want
Post written rules - the family rules are for EVERYONE
Charts and prizes. Prizes should be quality time with mom, dad grandparents, cousins, friends, etc.
But, $1 store prizes are ok too
DAVEN DAVEN DAVEN and when you think it’s enough DAVEN some more
It’s hard to raise kids in today’s generation At one shiur I heard this is our generation’s Gog Umagog.
Nip it in the bud now
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 7:48 am
amother Leaf wrote:
This
Watch Super Nanny
You don’t need to call it time out but learn to do a proper time out with no attention
PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE behaviors that you want
Post written rules - the family rules are for EVERYONE
Charts and prizes. Prizes should be quality time with mom, dad grandparents, cousins, friends, etc.
But, $1 store prizes are ok too
DAVEN DAVEN DAVEN and when you think it’s enough DAVEN some more
It’s hard to raise kids in today’s generation At one shiur I heard this is our generation’s Gog Umagog.
Nip it in the bud now


I feel like I’m punishing him for not knowing how to deal with feeling bad. Like when we discipline him and he goes crazy, maybe he’s feeling less than I’d like we don’t love him and that’s why he’s pouting. Dh sent him to the corner yesterday when he wasn’t listening and he was so distraught.

I find it so hard to discipline my child these days with this whole gentle parenting technique constantly in my head. How to know what my child needs- gentle or firm, old fashioned consequences?
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BrisketBoss




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 9:44 am
The Explosive Child could be a helpful book. So could Unconditional
Parenting.

No child 'needs consequences.' Controlling parenting is not the opposite of or an antidote to permissive parenting. Relying on reward and punishment in a way actually demonstrates a lack of expectations for the child, as well as a lack of respect.
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amother
Cognac


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 10:16 am
amother Pumpkin wrote:
I heard first hand from a holistic pediatrician not to worry about giving too much motrin, it's perfectly safe (she was talking about months


Please don't. Research what improper use of motrin can do to your stomach. It can be fatal (and was, in my cousin's case rl)
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 10:23 am
Make clear written rules and post it on wall, even if DS cannot read.

Like: no hitting, no name calling (stupid)

Analyze when it happens.

Does DS come home in a bad mood?

Separate him From siblings and give him his snack and drink in the dining room while other kids eat in the kitchen.

Try to give him a few minutes of attention before his misbehavior starts.

But if he breaks the rules, he goes to his room for
Timeout.
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amother
Nemesia


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 10:26 am
Everyone needs to stop giving unsafe advice about medicating kids! It can cause a huge list of health problems. Never ever hand out medication like that without a doctor supervising! Some anon poster diagnosing your kid and giving you medication advice is insanity.
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amother
Nemesia


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 10:27 am
amother Honeysuckle wrote:
Did you try ibuprophen and see if it helped tame the behaviors? It can still be pandas even if swab is negative.


So so so irresponsible! Stop handing out dangerous advice on every thread.
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 10:36 am
amother OP wrote:
I feel like I’m punishing him for not knowing how to deal with feeling bad. Like when we discipline him and he goes crazy, maybe he’s feeling less than I’d like we don’t love him and that’s why he’s pouting. Dh sent him to the corner yesterday when he wasn’t listening and he was so distraught.

I find it so hard to discipline my child these days with this whole gentle parenting technique constantly in my head. How to know what my child needs- gentle or firm, old fashioned consequences?


The generation raised with gentler parenting has

More mental illness

Higher divorce rate

More narcissism, entitlement

More alcoholism, drug abuse, eating disorders,
Self harm.

Why would you follow a failed parenting theory.

Your child's tantrums to being disciplined is to control you into backing down.

Your child sees you are not confident in your discipline so he acts out to pressure you.
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 11:01 am
If you back down on discipline because DS tantrums

You will have taught DS that he can use tantrums to
Get you to back down.

He may get much worse.

There are teens who curse their parents, throw things, punch holes in walls because their parents taught them this is how they will get their way.
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mushkamothers




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 11:52 am
amother OP wrote:
I feel like I’m punishing him for not knowing how to deal with feeling bad. Like when we discipline him and he goes crazy, maybe he’s feeling less than I’d like we don’t love him and that’s why he’s pouting. Dh sent him to the corner yesterday when he wasn’t listening and he was so distraught.

I find it so hard to discipline my child these days with this whole gentle parenting technique constantly in my head. How to know what my child needs- gentle or firm, old fashioned consequences?


Discipline means teaching. Sending to a corner because he isn't listening isn't effective discipline because it doesn't teach anything. And it also doesn't help for you to second guess every move you make.

It sounds like you yourself don't really know what you're doing and maybe that's why you're confused. So maybe you need a parenting course or guidance instead of piecing things together. Gentle doesn't mean permissive or passive.

That said, if his behavior is a sudden change (even if it's not overnight but it's not like him) and it feels like he gets out of control and it doesn't really feel typical, then it likely could be NOT your parenting and something medical affecting his behavior.
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amother
Honeysuckle


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 2:01 pm
amother Nemesia wrote:
So so so irresponsible! Stop handing out dangerous advice on every thread.
Seriously you can stop with the fear mongering. There is nothing dangerous about this and can provide valuable info for OP.
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 4:18 pm
There's usually a root cause for such a change in behavior .Can it be he is being bullied in school and is taking it out on his sibling? You can tell him I can see you are having a hard time and are hurting/ bothering your sister lately ,is someone or something bothering you? Mommy loves you and wants to hear whenever you're upset but we do not tolerate being mean to our siblings . It is unacceptable behavior. What can we do to make you feel better and what can you do the next time you're upset- you come tell me instead of bothering your siblings. Let's come up with ideas together.
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amother
Cherry


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 6:54 pm
OP, do you have a parenting coach or mentor you can ask IRL? You really need personalized guidance to help your child properly.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 7:33 pm
amother Cherry wrote:
OP, do you have a parenting coach or mentor you can ask IRL? You really need personalized guidance to help your child properly.


I don’t. I really want to take a parenting course but life was crazy for the past while and this behavior is kind of new.

If anyone knows of good parenting classes starting after pesach I’m definitely open to it.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 7:33 pm
amother Blonde wrote:
There's usually a root cause for such a change in behavior .Can it be he is being bullied in school and is taking it out on his sibling? You can tell him I can see you are having a hard time and are hurting/ bothering your sister lately ,is someone or something bothering you? Mommy loves you and wants to hear whenever you're upset but we do not tolerate being mean to our siblings . It is unacceptable behavior. What can we do to make you feel better and what can you do the next time you're upset- you come tell me instead of bothering your siblings. Let's come up with ideas together.


I do that script all the time with him but he doesn’t talk…
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aunty c




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 11:24 pm
I would try to figure out if anything is going wrong in school . My 5 yr old at one point started acting out , I made a point to sit with her for a while when she arrives home from school to discuss her day . What I After talking a lot about everything an anything I figured that a kid in her class was bullying her. I showed her how sad I am about it and that she should always feel comfortable to come tell me if something is bothering her.I Called teacher, changed her seats. Bh she changed completely .
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amother
Nemesia


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 11:26 pm
amother Honeysuckle wrote:
Seriously you can stop with the fear mongering. There is nothing dangerous about this and can provide valuable info for OP.


Yes it is dangerous and it's irresponsible for you to risk causing harm to others
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amother
Honeysuckle


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 11:27 pm
amother Nemesia wrote:
Yes it is dangerous and it's irresponsible for you to risk causing harm to others
What harm exactly?
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