Would you leave awake children with strange babysitter?

amother

Wed, Apr 19 2023, 8:43 pm

Would you leave little kids (ages to be scared of strangers) with a high school girl to babysit at night? I keep having events that I need to go to and it means leaving while they’re awake and I hate leaving them with strangers. They’re so unhappy and scared. Dh thinks everyone else does it… I would prefer to skip events whenever I can rather than leave them scared. Having a really hard time with this because sometimes I can’t skip and I hate doing this.

luckymom1

Wed, Apr 19 2023, 8:46 pm

Nope nope nope!!!

I recommend having this girl over one Sunday (or any day really) while you sre home until your children are more comfortable and she is mor comfortable with how your home is run. This way when you arent there she will be a familiar, safe face.

ddmom

Wed, Apr 19 2023, 8:47 pm

What does strange babysitter mean?
Do you trust her? Is she nice? If she will take good care of them, read them a story and put them to bed, I don't see the problem.
It really shouldn't happen too often but occasionally is fine.
If my kids were crying histerically, every time I leave the house I wouldn't.

amother

Wed, Apr 19 2023, 8:50 pm

So I never actually did it but I can’t find anyone to babysit who they know so I need to go with a stranger and I’m not thrilled at all. My younger one especially is more clingy and doesn’t like being left with anyone so I’m feeling terrible.

amother

Wed, Apr 19 2023, 9:00 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t leave them sleeping with someone they don’t know either though….

so what would you do if you can’t find anyone they know or live in a new community so don’t know many people and you have no choice? There are some simchos you can’t skip.

Ema of 5

Wed, Apr 19 2023, 9:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

so what would you do if you can’t find anyone they know or live in a new community so don’t know many people and you have no choice? There are some simchos you can’t skip.

Maybe you can switch off. Or if it’s in another city, maybe you can find a baby sitter there.
The only time I would leave my kids with someone they don’t know is if they are with kids they know. For example, I left my daughter at my sister’s house with my nieces and nephews when we went to the yartzheit seuda for my father. She knew my nieces and nephews, and we were also only 3 blocks away.
What is the Simcha? How far will you be from your house?

Ema of 5

Wed, Apr 19 2023, 9:06 pm

amother Navyblue wrote:

Yea, I have and would do it. The kids warm up to a sweet teenager who is good with kids quickly.

Maybe your kids, but definitely not all kids.

amother

Quince

Wed, Apr 19 2023, 9:28 pm

I can’t stand the posts that say I would never ever leave them with a stranger even if they're sleeping! Great make me feel guilty! What in the world would you do if you don’t have people they know to babysit and you have to leave? You would rather leave them sleeping by themselves??
And op, I very much try that my kids should sleep when I leave but if it’s getting really late and I still have an hour drive till the simcha then I have no option but to leave them when they’re awake

Ema of 5

Wed, Apr 19 2023, 9:39 pm

amother Quince wrote:

I absolutely did not mean to make anyone feel guilty. The question was what would YOU do, and I answered. I wouldn’t leave my children with a stranger because it wouldn’t go well. I have one who does not deal well with strangers, so it wouldn’t be worth it for me. I figure out how to make it work, or I don’t go. What I do should have no bearing on what others do.

amother

Natural

Wed, Apr 19 2023, 9:54 pm

I think it depends on the kids. My kids are so excited when I get a babysitter whether they know her or not. When they overhear me on the phone, they beg me to let them stay up to see whoever it is!
That being said, I rarely leave them awake with a "stranger" but that's more because I feel bad for the babysitter! I would if I needed to though.
And I definitely leave them sleeping. But again, I know if they wake up they'd be fine...

amother

Bronze

Wed, Apr 19 2023, 9:56 pm

Yes, I’ve done it when I had to and the kids always managed. I rarely go out but as you said, sometimes you need to and not everyone has babysitters available that their kids know. Most of the girls I’ve had come from nice sized families and are used to little kids and can build rapport quickly.

newinbp

Wed, Apr 19 2023, 10:00 pm

Yes, and I would try as hard as I can to call references for the sitter and find someone word of mouth/that people I know have used before. For example last time I tried I ended up getting someone recommended, called two references, and decided on not using her. I had to cancel the event, simple as that. Another time I was recommended a sitter by someone I know very well who had used her and I did have her over with kids that were awake and she was excellent BH. I've also used a nanny cam but also was very stressed when out since I was watching it nonstop. It's very rare but if I really needed a sitter than I would do this and have. Hatzlacha op, remember no one on this site truly knows your situation and you need to do what's best for you and your family. You got this Smile

amother

Lightgreen

Wed, Apr 19 2023, 10:05 pm

When I've needed to do this, I have the girl come at least 15 minutes early. I tell her the details quickly, and spend ten minutes sitting with the kids on the floor playing with the babysitter. My being there and being a part of it helps them get comfortable; even when it's not perfect, it helps some.

seeker

Wed, Apr 19 2023, 10:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

so what would you do if you can’t find anyone they know or live in a new community so don’t know many people and you have no choice? There are some simchos you can’t skip.

When you're looking for a sitter, you ask them to come a day before while you're home and the kids are awake so they can get to know each other somewhat. You pay for that time as part of the job.

It's a tough situation to navigate but imagine how it would feel to wake up and the only person around is a stranger. Super freaky.