Finding a community in Israel with a 13 year old!

atrn

Mon, May 01 2023, 8:15 pm

We are planning Aliyah iyH! When we move, my oldest, a boy, will be 13 and I'm torn on where to live. I feel like moving to an Anglo bubble is a mistake (ie: Raanana, RBS, Efrat, Modiin). These places are very pricey and maybe have a keeping up with the Jones' feel. I want a warm and friendly community that has Torah values. On the other hand, moving to a smaller Anglo community...less services in school, less English...is that a better way to integrate into our new Israeli life? I don't want to start in an Anglo bubble for a year, then move especially if the kids make friends. Please tell me what you experienced! Any recommendations on communities? I'd really like to have a successful aliyah story!
Ps my other children ages: 9,8,5,2

amother

Darkblue

Mon, May 01 2023, 9:04 pm

Having made aliyah with teens, I suggest moving to an Anglo bubble. Those are the places that have support systems for olim. You and your children will find friends who have made the same adjustments that you have.

Living in an Anglo neighborhood doesn't have to mean being materialistic or never integrating into Israeli society. You're still the parents, and your values set the tone.

amother

Salmon

Mon, May 01 2023, 9:22 pm

Does your 13 year old have internet access?

13 year olds are actually really good at doing internet research, probably better than most adults. Why don't you explain to him your budget, and ask him to research it and give you a few suggestions on where to move? Of course ultimately you decide.

My 2 cents: don't feel huge pressure to get it right the first time. It's okay to be rent one year in one city, next year rent in a a moshav, next year rent in a different kind of city, then decide that's where you belong.

DrMom

Mon, May 01 2023, 9:48 pm

amother Salmon wrote:

I don't think saddling a 13 year old with this responsibility is wise.

Also, while it is okay to move multiple times, it makes things all the more difficult on your kids to keep changing schools, investing all over again in making new friends, etc.

Better for the adults to do their research ahead of time. At least attempt to minimize the chaos involved in making aliyah.

juggling

Mon, May 01 2023, 9:58 pm

I think it's legitimate to start out in an Anglo bubble to ease the transition, and once you're there you can research other communities where you'll make your permanent home. I don't recommend moving multiple times, but to have one transitional post-aliyah home before settling somewhere permanently, is legitimate.

You may also find the Anglo bubble works for you. Don't discount the challenge of moving to a place where you're completely out of your element. The Anglo bubble exists for a reason. Your kids will fully integrate on one level, while always remaining "children of immigrants" on another level. It will be part of their identity, but not necessarily in a bad way.

Reality

Mon, May 01 2023, 10:00 pm

I made aliyah with teens 1+ year ago. Please make aliyah to an anglo bubble! BH, my kids have adapted amazingly. They learned hebrew and are getting in the 80's and 90's on all their tests etc. But they needed that cushion. Send your kids to schools that have all the services available. Also, in high school your kids have a lot of zchuyot towards their bagruot. Outside the bubble, those schools are not familiar with all the extra allowances your kids are entitled to and you will have to fight tooth and nail.

There are plenty of us living non-materialistically in the anglo bubble. The materialistic people call attention to themselves. The rest of us are happy living a little smaller than we are used to and our kids are thriving.

camp123

Mon, May 01 2023, 10:36 pm

Depends a bit on your hashkafa, and what kind of schools you intend to send to. If you are charadi you probably need an Anglo bubble. If you are sending to a misread hachinuch school it's possible to go somewhere with a smaller Anglo community bc he will be entitled to olim hours and extra help, but you need a good school.

twizzlers1

Mon, May 01 2023, 10:37 pm

I’m another one that says go to the Anglo bubble. We will never be Israeli no matter how long we’re here for. One of my kids did Mary someone that is Israeli So there is hope for integration but we would’ve for sure failed and left within the first two years have we not been somewhere where we felt like we can be friends and be somewhere where we can get the support we needed in English.

LovesHashem

Mon, May 01 2023, 11:01 pm

There's a mistake that people make that they think places like rbs are a full Anglo bubble.

All American places still have a lot of Israeli living there. Certain neighborhoods or streets end up being a certain type. Like a certain street may be dati leumi, another chassidish, another one a big mix, one area may known to be all Americans while another street may be known for being a big mix. Some streets are filled with private homes and people with a lot more money or areas that are more expensive may attract richer people. There's many middle class people here and not a vibe of keeping up with the jonases. It all depends on the street and school.

Also in RBS there's lots of Israelis in schools too.

You can find a street known to be more Israeli (even on those there's always some Americans) if you want your kids to be integrated more.

For example in RBS Gimmel is much more Israeli than Aleph. Daled as well.

There's a lot of a factors here.

Last edited by LovesHashem on Mon, May 01 2023, 11:13 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Buttercup

Mon, May 01 2023, 11:05 pm

Adding to LovesHashem, RBS may be an Anglo bubble but the Anglos are still the minority!
There's Hebrew spoken everywhere. It's the default. Yes, you will generally be able to find someone to help you with things in English but Hebrew is the language spoken here. Your kids will be speaking Hebrew all day in school.
Same with Modiin and other cities.
I think it's a big misconception.

Reality

Mon, May 01 2023, 11:31 pm

amother Buttercup wrote:

This exactly. I send my kids to schools that are super olim friendly with a lot of Anglos. I have some kids in DL schools and some in chareidi. They both have teachers and administrators that don't speak English, have classmates that barely speak English and all their classes are 100% in hebrew except English class.

You as an adult will need the bubble to help advocate for yourself and your children. Why is so much stigma attached to making aliyah to an anglo bubble? You need to do what you need to do to insure your aliyah is a success. Don't listen to the haters who say it's a fake aliyah to RBS or Efrat. Let them come live here and then tell me it's fake.

amother

Buttercup

Tue, May 02 2023, 12:52 am

Reality wrote:

Right? I say the same thing when we get comments like that, about living in rbs. It's a real insult.
I speak so much Hebrew, all day long. I have many neighbors who don't speak English. Half the kupat cholim secretaries don't speak English, all medical stuff needs to be translated and explained.
I have Hebrew speaking service people on my house all the time who don't speak English, plumber, electrician, etc.

Fake aliyah my foot. It's a very real aliyah and so called Anglo bubbles are also wonderful places to live, for many reasons. Not just that there happen to be English speakers here.

notshanarishona

Tue, May 02 2023, 1:08 am

With older kids, an Anglo bubble type community is your best bet for a smooth transition. Think about what it’s like to start high school in a new language , where you will be at the bottom of every class and need significant help to understand what’s going on. Being in a setting where there are friends and teachers who speak fluent English will make a world of a difference in whether your kids are happy or not. I have seen people who do a total immersion type of move, it’s extremely challenging once the kids are old enough for real academics. I have seen kids who are super bright start having behavioral/ emotional issues, get depressed, start hating school, it’s not simple. Also, start getting your kids Hebrew tutoring in. Make sure they are prepared for the transition. Expect challenges, and set up therapy/ mentor/ tutoring as soon as you can. Hatzlacha!

amother

Crimson

Tue, May 02 2023, 1:14 am

I am dati leumi and made aliyah with a 13 and 12 year old. I can only speak to me experience and community, but please move to an anglo bubble. The language barrier is only a part of it. Israeli kids make comments about "stupid, fat Americans" constantly and make fun of American accents. And these are my kids friends, not bullies! This is just the general, blunt attitude. If my kids were the only olim it would be very difficult. As it is, with many kids in the same boat, they take it in stride.

amother

Buttercup

Tue, May 02 2023, 1:17 am

My kids who have grown up in RBS are completely fluent in hebrew. Have served in the army with no problems. I have 2 kids who no one can believe that they were born in America. They speak hebrew with the best hebrew accent and then switch to English with no Israeli accent at all.
3 of my kids came old enough to get hakalot on the bagruyot, which definitely helped. But they all went through Israeli schools and have flourished. (And I went to plenty of PTA meetings where teachers barely spoke or understood English Smile

)

DrMom

Tue, May 02 2023, 1:29 am

I agree that it is advantageous to move to a community with a critical mass of English-speakers. It doesn't have to be as "Anglo-bubbly" as RBS, but it definitely helps kids to be in a school with a few native English-speakers and a staff that has the resources for helping Anglo olim.

amother

Anemone

Tue, May 02 2023, 1:34 am

I came on Aliyah when I was in my teens. I was not spoiled at all, but my parents did what was good for them and not me. I grew up out of town (Not Jerusalem,RBS, Rannana, Modiin). which is lovely but I didn't catch on to school, no big Chevrah. please think of your children who are being taken out of their place. They need friends, they need people to understand them, they need to understand how to get along in Israel. I am here in Israel. It's my home but it wasn't easy for me. I still hurt from it.