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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Info on Kesher Nafshi
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amother
Babypink


 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2023, 8:05 pm
It sounds like she has failure to launch. Google the term. It can be worked through it's an emotional issue. Hashem should send yeshua and joy for the entire family.
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amother
Moonstone


 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2023, 8:36 pm
amother OP wrote:
DD isnt a drug addict and isnt doing anything destructive B"H. The problem with her is that despite much therapy, she lives with us, but isnt doing anything.

Our relationship is as good as ever. We need practical help.

Im not sure KN could help with that.


Sharing with other parents in similar situations can also go a long way in practical help. KN brings down many specialists and speakers and sometimes you can make the right connection at their shabbaton and find the help you need.
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amother
Gold


 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2023, 8:49 pm
amother OP wrote:
DD isnt a drug addict and isnt doing anything destructive B"H. The problem with her is that despite much therapy, she lives with us, but isnt doing anything.

Our relationship is as good as ever. We need practical help.

Im not sure KN could help with that.


What do you mean - she isn’t doing anything?
She isn’t doing anything with her time or isn’t keeping mitzvos?

My son has lost his yiras shamayim. He’s 17. He doesn’t care about davening and learning anymore. He bought a smartphone and watches inappropriate things all the time. He speaks inappropriately to us and our other children. He openly says that he hates shabbos although I don’t think he is being mechalel shabbos. He stopped going to shul on shabbos and doesn’t even put on shabbos clothes. He started listening to non Jewish music last year. First he listened secretly with his AirPods. Now he plays it loud and sings the words… and it hurts so much. He has a part time job and we pay someone to learn with him for 45 minutes a day but it’s more like they’re hanging out together. He doesn’t daven anymore. He eats and drinks without a yarmulka in the house. Outside he wears his yarmulka. No more brochos before eating, no more bentching.
Despite years and years of therapy he does not seem to be in a good place emotionally. He wishes we wouldn’t be yeshivish. He wishes we dressed more in style. He’s angry at us.
I could sit and listen to him about whatever topic he is talking about, showing interest etc but the next day he will make fun of me, criticize me as a person and a parent.
I know he is really hurting inside. I know he needs help even though we spent thousands of dollars on his therapy. (He’s currently not in therapy now)
I’m not sure if kesher nafshi can help but I’ve been watching videos of their speakers and it’s really powerful. I reached out to them but didn’t hear back.
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amother
Moonstone


 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2023, 10:30 pm
amother Gold wrote:
What do you mean - she isn’t doing anything?
She isn’t doing anything with her time or isn’t keeping mitzvos?

My son has lost his yiras shamayim. He’s 17. He doesn’t care about davening and learning anymore. He brought a smartphone and watches inappropriate things all the time. He speaks inappropriately to us and our other children. He openly says that he hates shabbos although I don’t think he is being mechalel shabbos. He stopped going to shul on shabbos and doesn’t even put on shabbos clothes. He started listening to non Jewish music last year. First he listened secretly with his AirPods. Now he plays it loud and sings the words… and it hurts so much. He has a part time job and we pay someone to learn with him for 45 minutes a day but it’s more like they’re hanging out together. He doesn’t daven anymore. He eats and drinks without a yarmulka in the house. Outside he wears his yarmulka. No more brochos before eating, no more bentching.
Despite years and years of therapy he does not seem to be in a good place emotionally. He wishes we wouldn’t be yeshivish. He wishes we dressed more in style. He’s angry at us.
I could sit and listen to him about whatever topic he is talking about, showing interest etc but the next day he will make fun of me, criticize me as a person and a parent.
I know he is really hurting inside. I know he needs help even though we spent thousands of dollars on his therapy. (He’s currently not in therapy now)
I’m not sure if kesher nafshi can help but I’ve been watching videos of their speakers and it’s really powerful. I reached out to them but didn’t hear back.


I'd say sign up and Join one shabbaton. It changed my life! Didn't change my son, but I have so much more awareness, support and direction. My relationship wiht my son is a lot better. I was blown away as were many others. It doesn't hurt to try. Try calling if you don't get a response by email. You won't regret it!
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amother
Brass


 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2023, 10:52 pm
It can't be that Kesher Nafshi and Twisted parenting are the only organizations for parents of struggling teen.

Anyone else out there know of others?
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amother
Babypink


 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2023, 10:54 pm
amother Brass wrote:
It can't be that Kesher Nafshi and Twisted parenting are the only organizations for parents of struggling teen.

Anyone else out there know of others?

https://maskparents.org/

http://www.rabbihorowitz.com/PYes/index.cfm
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Sun, Apr 30 2023, 11:59 pm
amother OP wrote:
DD isnt a drug addict and isnt doing anything destructive B"H. The problem with her is that despite much therapy, she lives with us, but isnt doing anything.

Our relationship is as good as ever. We need practical help.

Im not sure KN could help with that.

I'm assuming you already consulted with a psychiatrist.
If not, do it now!
She was a normal child and a normal teen and then decided to go on strike?
What happens if she wants to buy something? Let's say she's out with friends and wants ice cream. Do you pay for all her needs/wants?
Definitely reach out to kesher nafshi, just knowing that you're not alone and other parents have the same problem as you is a huge source of chizzuk.
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amother
NeonOrange


 

Post Mon, May 01 2023, 12:01 am
amother Brass wrote:
It can't be that Kesher Nafshi and Twisted parenting are the only organizations for parents of struggling teen.

Anyone else out there know of others?


They have gone beyond and also have networking for parents they have shabbatons it’s way different than anything out there. Kesher nafshi Shabbos has people from all walks of life and everyone is u it’s as one
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Mon, May 01 2023, 10:38 am
amother NeonOrange wrote:
They have gone beyond and also have networking for parents they have shabbatons it’s way different than anything out there. Kesher nafshi Shabbos has people from all walks of life and everyone is u it’s as one

I went to the last kesher nafshi shabbaton. Thousands of ppl. It was intense and eye opening.
What is striking there is that there are old parents and young ones, wealthy families and some not at all, chassidish, litvish and more modern with everything in between. It's one of our generation's biggest nisayon!
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amother
Gold


 

Post Mon, May 01 2023, 9:49 pm
So is kesher nafshi an organization that arranges shabbatons with speakers who offer support?
Are they able to assist outside of the shabbos program?
Do I have to be in touch with them first about our situation or do I just register for their upcoming event?
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Mon, May 01 2023, 9:59 pm
amother Gold wrote:
So is kesher nafshi an organization that arranges shabbatons with speakers who offer support?
Are they able to assist outside of the shabbos program?
Do I have to be in touch with them first about our situation or do I just register for their upcoming event?

You can just register. During the weekend they have dozens of workshops with various speakers.
They have some events during the year, depends where you live. Recently they had a men's kumtzis and speaker in monsey.

https://keshernafshi.org/
Check it out, you can also listen to some of the speeches.
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amother
Gold


 

Post Mon, May 01 2023, 10:05 pm
amother Indigo wrote:
You can just register. During the weekend they have dozens of workshops with various speakers.
They have some events during the year, depends where you live. Recently they had a men's kumtzis and speaker in monsey.

https://keshernafshi.org/
Check it out, you can also listen to some of the speeches.


Thank you!
Would I gain more from sitting at the speeches rather than listening to them online?
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amother
NeonOrange


 

Post Mon, May 01 2023, 10:34 pm
amother Gold wrote:
Thank you!
Would I gain more from sitting at the speeches rather than listening to them online?


Yes cause you will also connect to other people in the same situation and have support
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 04 2023, 4:53 pm
OK, I called KN because someone told me they definitely can help.

Can anyone tell me how long it usually takes to hear back after a phone call?

bump
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amother
Gold


 

Post Mon, Jun 19 2023, 11:15 am
I’m just updating to say that I just came back from the kesher nafshi shabbaton and I’m blown away.
No words…
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jun 19 2023, 6:01 pm
amother Gold wrote:
I’m just updating to say that I just came back from the kesher nafshi shabbaton and I’m blown away.
No words…


Are you familiar with Twisted Parenting/Fishoff? How do they differ in approach?

To summarize: TP approach is never say no, and always praise.
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Mon, Jun 19 2023, 7:39 pm
amother Gold wrote:
I’m just updating to say that I just came back from the kesher nafshi shabbaton and I’m blown away.
No words…

Hi! Fellow kesher nafshi attendee here! Hi
I urge every parent dealing with a struggling child to attend for themselves if you can! It's not possible to do justice to the experience by describing it! You must check it out!
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amother
Gold


 

Post Tue, Jun 20 2023, 4:25 am
amother OP wrote:
Are you familiar with Twisted Parenting/Fishoff? How do they differ in approach?

To summarize: TP approach is never say no, and always praise.


There must have been 25+ speakers at the shabbaton.
It’s hard to answer your question- ‘what is their approach’- because each speaker has a slightly different approach.
During the weekend the message was about connecting with your child. Accepting your child- not how to change him. People told heart wrenching stories of how they showed their challenging child that they love them and care about them no matter what. Once the child feels cares for and admired for who they are, often they will want to please their parents.
The parents who came to kesher nafshi all have a child or multiple children who has lost his/her yiras shamayim. The message was that they are acting like this because they are in pain. We need to be there for our children in pain.
This weekend was a weekend of chizzuk for parents who are giving up their own personal hopes and dreams they had for their children and are just trying to accept their children and understand that this journey has been designated by Hashem. Our goal is not to change the journey but to be there for our children who are struggling and hurting inside.
This is not a parenting course. This is a support group. A very large support group where people come from all walks of life and get together to hear words of chizzuk and to give chizzuk to each other.
Majority of the people there have a child or multiple children who are not frum anymore. So many people have a child who is on drugs. Regular normal people who without kesher nafshi would feel all alone. I’m usually embarrassed by my child who is living a completely different lifestyle than the way the rest of our family is living. Today I actually felt proud of him. My job is to make him feel wonderful and the rest is in Hashems hands.
I’m probably doing tremendous injustice to this organization and shabbaton but it’s really impossible to summarize a heavy 4 days.
All I can say is that anyone who was there felt like a hero for a few days.
I really cannot find the right words to describe this incredible organization.
If you have a child who is struggling with yiras shamayim, go to the kesher nafshi website and listen to the speeches from previous years. You will probably be blown away like I was when I first found their website.
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