If your Mom kept a dirty/messy house -- UPDATE!

amother

Rainbow

Fri, May 05 2023, 9:47 am

amother Mulberry wrote:

I was so unhappy in my dirty and messy childhood home and was always embarassed to bring friends over or when people showed up unexpectedly. When I got married I had such a drive to do whatever it takes to make sure my house is the opposite. I went to the other extreme and am now obsessed with cleanliness and a clutter-free home.

My mother could not handle her mother’s perfectly clean home and did the opposite . Her home was always messy, dirty and disorganized. My sister and I both had very clean homes but I got messier as I got older and my kids got older . I don’t have the physical energy like I used it. My sister is obsessed with cleanliness. Her kids are slobs.

amother

Firebrick

Fri, May 05 2023, 10:07 am

I grew up in a tiny house with a lot of kids and stuff and it was messy. I am very messy by default. I read a lot of cleaning books and the bottom line advice was that if you have clutter, you'll always be cleaning and moving stuff around and never got on top of it.

So I majorly decluttered.. Right now every single room has only what it needs. Living room has couch and bookshelf with books we actually read. A game shelf with games we play regularly. Bedrooms have only clothes that are worn regularly. Nothing from other seasons or too big or small in dressers or closets (I do have an attic for storage space.)

Then the other rule is doing dishes every night and putting away laundry as soon as it comes out of the dryer. I do mostly keep on top of this. Dishes are easier immediately than waiting. Laundry sometimes takes a couple days to put away but I try my best.

The other stuff like mopping, sweeping, vacuuming, bathrooms is so so so so much easier when your floors aren't covered with stuff. You can easily vacuum with minimal clean up because everything has a place.

It is not easy to break the cycle. I still have hard times. But you have to want a clean house and work at strategies. You MUST declutter.

amother

Mocha

Fri, May 05 2023, 12:17 pm

I grew up with chaos in the family and this spilled over into housekeeping. The house was messy and falling apart. I would panic before someone came over and became good at running around and quickly making order and cleaning up the main rooms that guests could see.

Maintaining a home does not come naturally to me. It's a huge struggle. I married thinking I could do it because of the little bit of experience I had cleaning up for guests, and the experience I had washing my own laundry (I couldn't rely on it being done for me). I very quickly learned that I didn't have the skills. But the thing is, I thrive in clean and calm. When there are things all over the place, I feel like my life is chaos and has fallen apart.

I have scratched and crawled my way up to being a good housekeeper. I am an information seeker, so when I realized I didn't know how to maintain a home, I researched and tried, made errors, and tried again. Figuring out how to clean all different surfaces and materials was something I grappled with for years. Really twisted myself into a pretzel to figure out how to keep things looking new.

I now know the how and try to keep to certain schedules and rules to keep things running. But it it will always be a struggle for me. My home is the way it should be half of the week and the other half of the week there's a build up that I don't realize is happening. (Closets are similar- they are organized as they should be half of the year and the other half of the year there's a buildup that I notice but don't really realize what is actually happening as I'm spending my energy just trying to keep home and run our family's lives.)

It's a clean functional home BH and it really is my peaceful sanctuary BH. But I do wish it felt guest ready at any given moment and that maintenance just came naturally to me.

amother

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:07 am

amother Firebrick wrote:

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WRITING THIS!

I knew that decluttering was one of things that I needed to do, but didn't realize it should be 1st priority, so never got around to it.

This weekend I did a lot of decluttering, threw away/donated a lot of stuff we didn't need, qnd as of right now my house is clean by my standards! We'll see if it lasts, but it really makes sense what you said that if there isn't stuff on the floor, then it's pretty simple to sweep/mop.

I wrote my initial post just as a vent, I didn't have any hope that any advice could help, but I'm really quite optimistic now!

😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃

amother

Electricblue

Sun, May 07 2023, 6:55 am

So where are we supposed to keep “stuff “?
Like my kids saved their previous years school notebooks and looseleaf? Prizes they won at some point? Stickers and stationery that my girls wanted to hold on to? Camp things they want to save? My 10 year old son’s magic trick sets?
We have bins for prizes, bins for old notebooks but the bins are messy and overflowing and not everything fits causing an overflow.
One of my daughters has probably finished growing so we have her winter clothing that still fits her plus summer clothing… it can’t just be current season for people who aren’t growing.
I love a room that is spotless clean but we have stuff that makes my kids happy. Is a very clean house more important than happy kids?

zaq

Sun, May 07 2023, 10:54 am

You can't save everything. Not even if you own one of those giant storage depots you see on the interstate. At some point you have to stop collecting and start being selective about what you keep. Even libraries and museums periodically purge their collections (it's called "deaccessioning") because they can't keep everything

Your children will never refer to their old notebooks. Never. Trust me on this. Nor will they miss their old arts and crafts projects. If you must, teach them to choose ONE favorite one to keep and dispose of the rest. The sooner they learn that you can't keep everything the easier it will be for them later in life.

Most kids have way way way too many toys and games. Go through them together and select the 5 or 10 or 15 favorites and give away the rest. Rinse and repeat at least once and preferably twice a year.

If your bins are overflowing, that's your signal that it's time for clearance, not time to buy more bins..

amother

Electricblue

Sun, May 07 2023, 11:03 am

zaq wrote:

I cannot ‘trust’ you that they will not refer to their old notebooks/ because they do!
My older daughter saves her things for her sister who is 2 grades younger. The younger one uses the notebooks all the time.
They save notebooks that they worked hard with to make it mako’s scrapbook, a לט melachos book… things like that. And yes, they proudly look at it from time to time.
I’m not talking about saving every single notebook. Of course not! But certain important ones like Chumash, writing essays etc
And when there are a few kids, it adds up.
Easy to say just throw everything out…
Usually 1-2x a year everyone has to go through their things and get rid of things they don’t really need anymore but there is really a lot of clutter that doesn’t look so nice when guests come. If it’s just us, I don’t care as much…

amother

Firebrick

Sun, May 07 2023, 12:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm so happy!! Decluttering isn't a one time thing. Kids are constantly bringing stuff home. As you keep buying more or they bring home more, you need to keep up with it.

For the posters above who talk about all the notebooks from school or other toys and trinkets their kids want to keep or clothing, do you have a basement or a big closet for storage space? Every one of my kids has a small box for special toys that they keep in their room (prizes from their teachers, things they won, etc). One of my daughters wants to keep every single notebook from every year of school. I make her go through everything and decide what she actually wants to keep. Anything that was worked hard on she can keep but regular worksheets or notes definitely not. I keep them in bins in closets and some she keeps in her room on a shelf that she uses more frequently.

For clothing that is too small or big or other seasons, I keep a bin in that child's closet for the upcoming season. But the dresser drawers and clothes on hangers only have clothing that is currently worn. No one is sorting through unworn items.

I know you're saying your kids don't want to get rid of stuff but my kids are so much happier with less stuff. They don't miss the toy or game that we rarely ever played with. They can focus on the things we use frequently and they love having an empty space that stays clean.

zaq

Sun, May 07 2023, 12:46 pm

Part of being an adult is understanding that you have limited real estate. Even the KBH had to "metzamtzem" Himself to make "room" for Creation. Unless you're prepared to buy a bigger house or rent a storage unit to hold all your treasures, you have two options: purge
beyond your comfort zone so you can keep your home tidy and livable, or, as the inimitable Dear Abby used to say, "Kwitcherbellyachin"
Bite the bullet and downsize or shut up and live with the clutter. The choice is entirely up to you.

Last edited by zaq on Sun, May 07 2023, 1:21 pm; edited 1 time in total

TravelHearter

Sun, May 07 2023, 12:58 pm

amother Electricblue wrote:

Give each child a bin that can fit under their bed or in a closet for their old school stuff. When the bin is full and they want to put something else in then they have to get rid of something to make room.
In terms of your daughter getting notes from her older sister, ask the older daughter for what she really thinks younger sis will need. Math notes she’ll have to take anyway? Throw. Chumash notes from the ‘hardest teacher’? Maybe keep. Parsha notes? Throw. Etc. I would think there would be only 2-3 subjects a year that are actually super useful to have notes in.
All of these bins should be in their rooms, not in a public space where guests can see.

ra_mom

Sun, May 07 2023, 1:27 pm

amother Electricblue wrote:

Each kid gets a huge 4" d-ring binder with 100 clear 2 sided plastic sheet protectors. They can slip in certificates, flat crafts (sometimes we cut them down to size and still get the full essence saved), collages, report cards, special tests or assignments, or cut out specific pages from certain notebooks- whatever is special to them. If they have a whole notebook they need to save, it still has to fit into their loose-leaf binder (there are sticker strips with 3 holes that go onto a booklet so the whole booklet can be put into the 3-ring binder- company like HOLDit).
We find the binder doable and super useful. Every so often they take them down from the bookshelf and go through them with nostalgia, it's really nice.

amother

Navy

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 5:30 pm

newinbp wrote:

I'm so in awe of what you wrote. I grew up with lots of disorder as well and as I see more homes today of neighbors, I'm realizing that like you said things others take for granted I simply don't know how to do/never did/is not automatic for me.
What courses did you take? Do you have recommendations? I'd like to take bigger strides addressing this like it sounds you have, it's really impacting my day to day and that if my family.
You can pm me if more comfortable.
I really think more systems and order could really make a positive impact in my home. Thanks so much Smile

The course I took is doing English program now, 8456001800 she is Chasidisha Hungarian style but lots to learn on homemaking

internationalma

Fri, Nov 03 2023, 7:07 am

amother Firebrick wrote:

This 💯 !!
I use to live in a very small place w 4 kids and did exactly this, no thinking I might need it one day ect.
People who use to come over couldn’t believe how I kept it so organise and clean . bH I now live in a much bigger place but still apply the same rule ,l keep n buy what I need . That’s it!