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Forum
-> Parenting our children
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amother
OP
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 Thu, May 11 2023, 10:41 am
Have slowly been seeing over the past two years ds who is 24 become more self absorbed and selfish- to a point of rudeness towards others. Like expecting mentors to meet with him at midnight. someone giving him a ride and him taking his time to get into the car. If someone is speaking that he doesn't care for he speaks over them in a conversation. When working with two companies to make a purchase not letting the other company know he has chosen someone else.... It's all little things, but they seem to be adding up. It is embarrassing because he used to be thoughtful and kind and giving and this is so weird. I feel like Covid messed with his head.
Being that he is 24 I know I can't say anything, but I feel like I am unleashing another selfish person into the world.
I know there will be some natural consequences- hopefully his mentors let him know when he is out of line when he is dealng with them.
Is there a way to advise- at least with the business dealing...
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amother
Quince
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Thu, May 11 2023, 10:44 am
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Can you ask him about his reasoning in a gentle way, without trying to convince him otherwise? At least then you'll know what you're dealing with.
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amother
Springgreen
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Thu, May 11 2023, 11:35 am
If your relationship is good and he respects your judgment, you could definitely point some of these things out in a matter of fact low key way when they happen. Best in my opinion is to say something small, factual, and specific shortly after each thing happens. And then just step back and give it time to settle. If he shrugs it off, don't try to explain why it's important. It may percolate and have an impact on his mindset down the line as incidents and natural consequences accumulate.
I recommend against a whole sit-down conversation when you discuss a bunch of incidents at once. That's likely to be counterproductive.
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amother
Steelblue
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Thu, May 11 2023, 11:37 am
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This sounds like social skills lack of awareness. Could be it's more obvious now that he's older. He may benefit from training. I think I've seen ads for this age group (young adult) in frum papers.
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amother
OP
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Thu, May 11 2023, 11:41 am
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Do you think covid has created this me first attitude, constant need for positive affirmations or is it cultural- I just know our home was not like this.
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amother
NeonOrange
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Thu, May 11 2023, 12:28 pm
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tbh when my son was 24 I didn't give my son any advice unless he asked me
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amother
Ecru
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Thu, May 11 2023, 1:31 pm
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If you think his personality has actually changed, especially post disease (assuming you mean covid itself not just lockdown etc) then take him to get a brain scan.
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tichellady
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Thu, May 11 2023, 1:33 pm
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is there anyone he would listen to? maybe one of his mentors? sounds like it won't work if it comes from you
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amother
Ginger
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Thu, May 11 2023, 3:34 pm
Not sure what the issue is? If his mentor can’t meet him at midnight, he can say so, but what’s wrong with offering a time that works for you? The person can say no. Taking your time to get into a ride? The person can let them know if they are in a rush. I wouldn’t comment on his interactions with others but I would with my interactions with him if it bothers me. For example, if I was the one waiting for him because I’m giving him a ride I would say something about how it makes me feel, but only if it’s true because many people actually don’t care…, like “I feel resentful when I offer you a ride and then you take your time to come into it. It makes me feel like my time is being taken advantage of.”
Or maybe the issue is less about him and more about you being embarrassed of him?
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amother
Rainbow
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Thu, May 11 2023, 3:49 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Have slowly been seeing over the past two years ds who is 24 become more self absorbed and selfish- to a point of rudeness towards others. Like expecting mentors to meet with him at midnight. someone giving him a ride and him taking his time to get into the car. If someone is speaking that he doesn't care for he speaks over them in a conversation. When working with two companies to make a purchase not letting the other company know he has chosen someone else.... It's all little things, but they seem to be adding up. It is embarrassing because he used to be thoughtful and kind and giving and this is so weird. I feel like Covid messed with his head.
Being that he is 24 I know I can't say anything, but I feel like I am unleashing another selfish person into the world.
I know there will be some natural consequences- hopefully his mentors let him know when he is out of line when he is dealng with them.
Is there a way to advise- at least with the business dealing... |
I don't see the big deal with giving him a piece of your mind, especially if he lives in your house.
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amother
Wheat
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Thu, May 11 2023, 5:12 pm
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24 is pretty young. He might just need to grow up a little.
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