S/O wedding gifts | Imamother

amother

Sun, May 21 2023, 9:58 am

I grew up MO and now live in a RW oot community. When we got married, (and now I see with my sisters/in-laws kids,) we had a registry and got a lot of gift off of that plus some checks. Interestingly, the NY crowd gave more checks and the oot crowd gave more gifts from the registry. I thought that was a great way to actually give the couple what they wanted and needed.

In the RW community it doesn't seam like the couples have registries. Does everyone give money as gifts or do you pick a gift that you think might work for the couple?

And the real question that I have...who buys the couple everything they need for their home? the patents? the wedding gift money? My oldest is 16 I am for some reason getting nervous about it!

amother

cornflower

Sun, May 21 2023, 10:21 am

I'm curious too. I'm MO and absolutely love registries. We only give cash when it's a RW wedding and the couple don't have a registry, or when it's a close friend/relative and they need the money.

If you don't have a registry, then it's all on you to furnish your house (or more likely, have someone else furnish it for you). I don't really understand the system, but I try to work with it. Though I hope registries catch on.

OP, I'm pretty sure you'll have to set up your children's homes.

amother

Narcissus

Sun, May 21 2023, 10:30 am

You'll see less registries in RW communities because less people are on the internet. Also in town, people will go to Jewish a store rather than Bed Bath or the like. Stores in Lakewood like Trend Settings send a sample gift (ie a beautifully wrapped silverware set) and then you bring it into the store as a sort of gift card for any silverware set. But mostly it's on the parents to set up the house and the couple tries to save wedding money as a down payment for a house

amother

Aubergine

Sun, May 21 2023, 12:03 pm

Yeshivish, got married a few years ago. We got a few physical gifts (a couple of dishes, tablecloth, challah cover…), and checks that came out to a few thousand.
The local hachnasas kallah gave to everyone. It was for the community at large, no income limits etc. they provided basics for the home (not furniture), think one set linen, towels, one set pots, China, food processor, kitchenaid…

amother

Chestnut

Sun, May 21 2023, 12:07 pm

I'm chassidish with many jpf/litvish friends.

Setting up the home re furniture, housewares is the girls parents responsibility, same as the gown and hall etc. Some give more basic, some more extravagantly, and some buy second hand.

Wedding gifts -
Physical gifts are usually extras, like pretty housewares used for Shabbos, nice serving dishes, etc. They're also 99% exchangeable
Cash is generally saved by the couple toward a down payment or general savings

amother

Ebony

Wed, May 31 2023, 8:38 pm

amother Aubergine wrote:

Tha'ts very nice. Who pays for this fund if there's no income limit?

amother

Daphne

Wed, May 31 2023, 9:28 pm

I live in Lakewood, no one really does registries. But kallahs do get a lot of gifts at the Vort which can then be take back for store credit and used towards household items. Then ppl give money by the wedding which goes to the couple

amother

Cherry

Wed, May 31 2023, 9:42 pm

amother Chestnut wrote:

Chasidish and similar. Except big purchases are divided 50/50. Beds, table and chairs, etc.

Couch, sefarim shrank, a/c we purchased on our own. I may have kvetched to my parents and they gave me towards some of them. I am not sure.

I exchanged duplicates of gifts (say drinking glasses) and used that for towels, shower curtain etc.
My MIL didn't have to buy me silver candlesticks bec I bh have 4 sets of grandparents. 3 gave cash and I chose my own candlesticks. I think I got very few cash gifts, but my parents bought me a lot of basic housewares, food processer, hand mixer, dishes, silverware.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 1:15 pm

amother Ebony wrote:

Tha'ts very nice. Who pays for this fund if there's no income limit?

They do a massive fundraising event every year, and they have supporters