Daughter in mid-20s living at home.

Genius

Sun, May 21 2023, 1:33 pm

amother Winterberry wrote:

Excuse me for saying this. But it sounds like she’s an annoying pest to you that she’s there. Is it her fault she’s not married yet? Does she want to get married? If yes then she’s probably in pain that she’s not married yet. It won’t be helpful to add to her pain

She shouldn’t work part time and sit on her mother’s nerves for the rest of the day. She needs to find an occupation. I’m sure the mom is also in pain that she isn’t married yet.

imaima

Sun, May 21 2023, 1:41 pm

amother Winterberry wrote:

Why would it add to pain? She will have to pay for things herself when she is married. If a full-bodied adult lives in a home, they need to contribute accordingly. With money and/or chores.

Cheiny

Sun, May 21 2023, 1:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

If you could please advise I would appreciate.

My almost 26 year old daughter is living at home.

She's in shidduchim, but has not found her beshert yet.

For those of you with older adult children still living at home....how do you handle?

Does she (or he!) help with finances, like giving a certain amount each month to help with family budget? Do they help with chores around the house? Or do they just come and go as they please without any obligation at all?

My daughter works part-time (her choice) so is home a lot, but with very little obligation to family and finances. It's causing a lot of tension between her, DH and myself because no one seems to know how to handle the situation. We don't have a large house with a separate area for her, so she's home a lot. And since she's getting older it's creating a lot of tension because she wants space but doesn't want to live anywhere else.

Please advise on how to handle finances and just the overall living situation!

Thank you!!

I don’t know that I’d ask her to contribute financially if she’s only working p/t but she definitely should be helping with chores and responsibilities around the house.

amother

Lightyellow

Sun, May 21 2023, 2:10 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

Why is she only working part time? What is she doing with all her free time?

This. It’s more concerning that she doesn’t want to fill her day to the fullest for the most part. Now is her time to build that career so once she becomes a mom it will be that much easier for her to lessen her hrs or work partially remote while earning the same. Somethings up here and you should probably delve into why she’s not working or in school for most of the day

amother

Scarlet

Sun, May 21 2023, 2:27 pm

amother Lightyellow wrote:

There may not be anything "up" except that she's unmotivated and not really interested in working hard. Which may be for any reason, likely that she doesn't like her job/field or that she doesn't have the urgency to earn money because right now her needs are met.
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If you don't ask her to contribute money to the household, that's ok (see chayalle's excellent post), but you probably should not be paying for anything other than basic household items that are purchased for everyone's use. Anything else should be something up to her to pay for. This may provide her with the motivation to increase her hours or look for a job that interests her more, even if it still seems a bit too abstract or far in the future to worry about being a working mom or supporting a household. It's ok and healthy for her to feel some urgency that she needs to be earning money.

As far as chores, are you sure she's not doing anything? It sounds like you want her help with the cooking, but is she contributing in other ways? Washing dishes, sweeping up, running errands? If she's not, or that's not the sort of help you prefer she offers, you need to speak up (in a nice way, not in an angry authoritative way) and explain that as she is no longer a full time student, and is an adult member of the household, expectations are xyz.

Speaking as someone who was living at my parents' home at the same age, so I've been there and can put myself in both her shoes as well as see where you are coming from.

amother

Bottlebrush

Sun, May 21 2023, 4:59 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

Why is she only working part time? What is she doing with all her free time?

I think this is an important question, and I don't think we can advise anything until we have the answer to this.

It isn't typical for an unmarried 20 something year old to only be working half day.

What is the reason for this?