I know this guy! (Stand By Serial in Family First)

amother

Winterberry

Sat, May 20 2023, 10:04 pm

I read it online but it doesn’t print the whole thing. What happens after she says I don’t want to do this now?

amother

Aconite

Sat, May 20 2023, 10:07 pm

amother Winterberry wrote:

I read it online but it doesn’t print the whole thing. What happens after she says I don’t want to do this now?

@mods - am I allowed per site rules or Mishpacha copyright rules to copy and paste the whole chapter?

amother

Impatiens

Sat, May 20 2023, 10:09 pm

Poor Dassie
she is going to have to break it off
he is bad news
she or probably anyone would be super miserable married to someone like him Crying

(no wonder the chavrusa was trying to mess it up)
the good news is that though he thinks he has her trapped and no way she would break it and so is escalating his control tactics the reality is that she is not trapped and hard as it is she can break it and will hopefully
painful to read
worse to see such a thing in real life
hopefully she will break it off fast and meet her true bashert fast and live happily ever after

PinkFridge

Sat, May 20 2023, 10:47 pm

Like I said on another serial thread (the Walls one), there are so many red flags that a matador would be toast. (Paraphrasing what I said there. Same difference.)

amother

DarkRed

Sat, May 20 2023, 10:53 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

Like I said on another serial thread (the Walls one), there are so many red flags that a matador would be toast. (Paraphrasing what I said there. Same difference.)

Plenty of girls would ignore the red flags IRL.

Especially older singles. I know, I was an older single and I ignored the red flags. That feeling of finally having one’s dating days behind them is really powerful and makes one be willfully blind to a lot more than you’d imagine.

PinkFridge

Sat, May 20 2023, 10:54 pm

amother DarkRed wrote:

Oh yeah, that feeling definitely filled her with joy.

amother

Pink

Sat, May 20 2023, 10:58 pm

amother Sunflower wrote:

I was thinking this too. Local frum stores by me will trip over their feet to help anyone who looks like they will spend. It doesn’t matter what is (or isn’t) on their head.

Am I slow ?? I always walk into trendy frum stores and ask them to see low end clothing first and always think I get great service. I never realized to pretend I'm rich Can't Believe It

amother

Amaryllis

Sat, May 20 2023, 11:59 pm

My heart sank to a new low, when she acquiesced, and went to change shoes...

amother

Mintcream

Sun, May 21 2023, 12:01 am

Oh how can we make Ari pay for and suffer for his behavior? Not sure if a broken engagement is enough?

amother

Honey

Mon, May 22 2023, 5:45 am

He knew she wouldn't refuse, for exactly the reasons she didn't. Otherwise he wouldn't have threatened.

amother

DarkOrange

Mon, May 22 2023, 7:38 am

amother Honey wrote:

He knew she wouldn't refuse, for exactly the reasons she didn't. Otherwise he wouldn't have threatened.

The sad part was how he said, you don't want me to be unhappy, just like I don't want you to be unhappy! And she didn't have wits to say, but "I AM NOT HAPPY NOW EITHER ". It is sad to see how manipulative people work, especially with bright people.

amother

Winterberry

Mon, May 22 2023, 7:49 am

amother Honey wrote:

He knew she wouldn't refuse, for exactly the reasons she didn't. Otherwise he wouldn't have threatened.

What could he have done. He didn’t want to make himself look bad. He didn’t want to break the engagement.

BusyMama1

Mon, May 22 2023, 9:40 am

amother DarkOrange wrote:

Yes! When I read this I stopped and I was thinking what I would do in such a situation. From the outside, yeah she should have said something, but there is such a power to manipulation, how you're just convinced that's it's the right thing.
Really scary tool and so so many are broken and used by it.

amother

Winterberry

Wed, May 31 2023, 6:52 pm

Why is she being such a doormat? I Don’t think it’s realistic that she’s not pushing back a little. It’s too early in the game for her to be totally giving in to him.

amother

Impatiens

Wed, May 31 2023, 7:05 pm

It is realistic
Psychological cognitive dissonance people rationalize
And normal healthy people think people think and operate as they do
By the time someone wakes up to the agenda and unhealthy dynamics at play it can be “too late” or just later
And little by little someone like this works their manipulation on the unsuspecting person /victim/prey R”L
Like a kallah doesn’t want to ruin the mood and can rationalize “oh what’s the big deal if it’s so Important to him it’s just shoes”
And what can be so clear to outsiders watching is not so clear to us when we are actually in it

amother

Honey

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 12:17 pm

amother Winterberry wrote:

What could he have done. He didn’t want to make himself look bad. He didn’t want to break the engagement.

you and I know that but Dassi doesn't because she isn't the outsider watching this story.

PinkFridge

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 8:21 pm

amother Honey wrote:

you and I know that but Dassi doesn't because she isn't the outsider watching this story.

Yes. She doesn't hear that horror movie don't get in the car music the rest of us do.

amother

Winterberry

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 9:46 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

Yes. She doesn't hear that horror movie don't get in the car music the rest of us do.

She’s had a bunch of people warn her. She herself almost broke things off. She had several conversations with her mother and others where she expressed discomfort. She knows.

juggling

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 11:15 pm

My theory is when Dovid comes to apologize for intervening, it's going to create some backlash that will finally shake her up enough to break it off.

It would be nice and neat if dovid ends up marrying dassi - or chayale? But maybe too nice and neat.