Who can help my out of control child

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Tue, May 30 2023, 9:43 pm

Please no judgments. My bright eight year old is out of control. He will not listen to authority, he is chutzpah and belligerent. His tantrums last for hrs and get worse by the day. His behavior is disrupting our family, our shalom bayis, and traumatizing our other children. We have no one and nowhere to turn to. We’ve tried so many patient methods, positive reinforcements, and give him so much love.

We are ready to place him in foster care.we just can’t do it anymore. Does anyone know
of any resources or organizations that can help give us the proper guidance.

BrisketBoss

Tue, May 30 2023, 9:43 pm

Have you read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene?

amother

DarkViolet

Tue, May 30 2023, 9:45 pm

I would schedule a consult with blimi haller.
She is so professional and gets to the root of the problem and works with both sides
It's not easy but it's the real work that creates lasting change.

amother

RosePink

Tue, May 30 2023, 9:48 pm

Did you evaluate him? I would go for a full neuropsych eval. This sounds like a bigger issue then parenting classes

amother

Wallflower

Tue, May 30 2023, 9:48 pm

THERAPY stat

I had a kid like this.. He's doing much better now in therapy BH

amother

NeonPurple

Tue, May 30 2023, 9:50 pm

Contact MASK for guidance. They have an anonymous hotline.
https://maskparents.org/

Confidential Helpline
718-758-0400

The MASK helpline is available from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. daily. All phone calls are strictly confidential. The privacy of the caller is maintained to the greatest extent possible.

Reaching out for help is a sign of STRENGTH.

Cheiny

Tue, May 30 2023, 9:50 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

THERAPY stat

I had a kid like this.. He's doing much better now in therapy BH

Definitely agree. Therapy should be the next stop, right after consulting with pediatrician and ruling out medical issue.

mha3484

Tue, May 30 2023, 9:51 pm

I second the explosive child. Also has he had a full eval?

amother

Tue, May 30 2023, 9:54 pm

Yes, he had a complete neurological psych eval last year and nothing came from it mha3484 wrote:

I second the explosive child. Also has he had a full eval?

amother

Peru

Tue, May 30 2023, 9:55 pm

Since no one said it yet, I'll do the job. Pandas

Also craniosacral therapy.

mha3484

Tue, May 30 2023, 10:03 pm

I have an 8 year old with a lot of issues it comes from anxiety, adhd and sensory issues. He externalizes his feelings. I really get where your coming from.

Nothing behavioral like charts and prizes really work. It makes him too anxious. I switched tracks and went more with a collaborative model which has been really good for him.

I avoid power struggles like the plague. I also really find the acronym halt hungry, angry, lonely, tired to help make sense of any situation, being proactive on those needs has gone a long way.

There are so many good resources out there and these kids can do so so well with the right help.

Also 2x a week OT has helped too.

amother

Pink

Tue, May 30 2023, 10:37 pm

Have you explored pandas/pans/Lyme/AE at all? If not, is this a route you’re interested in going down?

amother

Seagreen

Tue, May 30 2023, 10:58 pm

No idea for you but I have a son like this too. I read the explosive child, took a course with Ross Greene, took blimi hellers course, he’s been in therapy since he was 4 and recently stopped, he’s on medication….
I can’t describe the emotional anguish. When he picked up my baby and threatened to hurt him if he didn’t get what he wanted… it’s terrible. And my poor poor kids. Everyone is so busy trying to help my son and they forget about how I still need to be there for the rest of them.
I don’t have a solution. I asked my husband today if we should just move into separate apartments- he take my son and I take the rest. I am so sorry for what you are going through. BeH mashiach will come and everyone will have a Refua sheleima.

amother

DarkPurple

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:00 pm

Do you live in Lakewood?

TwinsMommy

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:30 pm

I've got two kids like this (now teens). For us, it's multiple diagnoses and therapies and medications per kid to finally get sort of on a good track (down to one to two massive incidents per week with one kid rather than daily incidents with both).

Ross Greene is awesome--- -for kids who WANT to collaborate and when you ask "what's up", they give you a reasonable answer. Smile

When you're past parenting classes and typical textbook approaches, there's nothing wrong with going down the therapy path whether or not you feel you need a diagnosis.

Hatzlacha!

amother

Moccasin

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:51 pm

OP, a year ago I could have written your post. I was ready to just give up with my child, who was just about the age of your son. We had been ring therapy, and we were getting nowhere as my child refused to participate, even after several months. We finally took our child for a psychiatric evaluation, got a diagnosis, and started medication. I know meds are not the answer for everyone but they have made a tremendous difference in the quality of my child's life, and as a result, the whole family's life. We went from complete refusal to perform any request (even as simple as please tell me what you would like for snack at school tomorrow while I was preparing lunches for the next day) and 3+ full blown on the floor crying hysterically meltdowns per day, to a child who still struggles at times, (and is definitely moodier and more defiant than typical for this age) but is mostly ok. I know how hard it is to acknowledge that your child may have a serious mental health diagnosis but it is absolutely worth getting evaluated as your child, and your whole family, can benefit so much from proper diagnosis and treatment.

amother

Wed, May 31 2023, 7:27 am

No we live inNY

amother DarkPurple wrote:

Do you live in Lakewood?

amother

Wed, May 31 2023, 7:28 am

Thanks for sharing this. This gives me hope.

amother Moccasin wrote:

amother

Cobalt

Wed, May 31 2023, 8:41 am

amother DarkPurple wrote:

Do you live in Lakewood?

I’m not the OP, but I’m also dealing with this, and I live in Lakewood. Any ideas?

amother

Mustard

Wed, May 31 2023, 9:20 am

In Lakewood feel free to PM me and we can talk.

Will change to amother soon

Last edited by amother on Wed, May 31 2023, 11:36 am; edited 1 time in total

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