Desperately need a school bergen county ADHD

amother

Wed, May 10 2023, 7:57 pm

amother Cerise wrote:

I’m so sorry. It is the MOST painful experience. The disillusionment that occurs realizing the Jewish nation that prides themselves in having love for all Am yisroel , open arms and non judgmental is ANYTHING like they claim to be! The frum school system is so disheartening. They spend millions of dollars on programs for kids at risk yet if they wouldn’t close doors on kids when their young (teaching them they aren’t accepted and have a place in frum school) they wouldn’t have to spend millions on trying to rehabilitate the damage caused to kids displaying their pain in adolescence and early adulthood. It is completely unacceptable. We are supposed to be an accepting, non judgmental nation. YET it’s the non Jewish public schools that accept everyone and are non judgmental. It’s completely an upside down world. What the schools are doing ti frum families is unacceptable. I have been trying to fight to change the system for years for schools ti truly be inclusive (as opposed to just saying so on their website…). It’s a difficult battle and I don’t see real change happening anytime soon. I’m sorry I wish I had something more encouraging ti tell you. The good thing is your son is very young and putting him in an alternative program is not the end of the world at this age. Try to find a program that is not completely geared for special need if you can. If that is all you can find aim for a class with high functioning children. At this age you can still facilitate his academic and social needs outside of school if you feel he is not maximizing his potential in his class environment. You can enroll him in after school sports/karate/building clubs. Arrange playdates with friends children of similar age and supplement his academics with online programs or tutors. I really feel for you. My son wasn’t understood or supported in his school and they actually heightened his anxiety and made his behaviors spiral. He was expelled last year and no other frum school will take him. He is 11yrs old and extremely bright and says all the time this would never have happened if we weren’t frum. At 11yrs old he realizes being frum has ruined his life and he has been saying since he was 10 (when he was expelled) that he is never going to be frum it ruins ppls lives. Unfortunately he is right. You can shield and protect your son from this painful reality at his age and find an alternative for him. The one thing I suggest is speaking with the school and saying be a there’s no slot for your son this year you have to enroll him in ———. Before you do so you want to make sure that won’t harm him from being accepted in future years. It makes me sick writing this, but unfortunately we live in a very judgmental society. Many schools will not accept kids who are coming from alternative programs. It is despicable , but I feel I need to state the reality so you ensure that doesn’t occur to you and don’t feel you ruined his future prospects . Hugs to you.

I'm so sorry for your son, that's so painful.

amother

Diamond

Fri, Jun 02 2023, 9:34 am

amother OP wrote:

Is it better to put a behavioral child with a shadow in mainstream or in a special ed setting. No learning issues, very smart.

You might not have a choice at this point. First of all, most of the schools here are not going to be OK with a shadow past first grade. They will tell you if the shadow is still necessary, that indicated higher support needs and they will direct you to Sinai. As I mentioned earlier in this thread, I have extremely bright, gifted adhd kids, so I have a lot to say. Don't really want to say too much publicly, but I'm happy to get in touch privately. Let me know if you'd like to talk more, and I will share how to get in touch.