Dh helps but I hear about it

amother

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 6:44 am

Dh is super hands on with the kids. But he doesn't give me a mental break.

Ex he's going to wait at the bus. I tell him which bus to look out for and track. He asks me 10 times. Then he calls me from the stop to ask me. He even quotes the name/number he's looking at. Then tells me he doesn't see it (bc it's still 3 blocks away duhhhh)

Or the toddler goes into his bed every night. But he wakes me up complaining and then all morning I hear how he couldn't sleep and I must do something about this. (Maybe you go and put him back in bed??? Instead of enabling this???)

Or he takes them on let's say Friday or Sunday for a few hours. Comes back complaining about their behavior, or brings them back too late so they're super cranky (suppers been waiting for hours on the table!!)

He's driving me crazy because even when he is trying to give me a break, I still bear the mental load. It's not helpful. I don't even know how to articulate this but it's incredibly frustrating. I happen to be postpartum right now so I physically can't do it all myself nor do I want to create a dynamic where I do that, which is why I've always let him and encouraged him to be involved, but this is crazy.

One time literally hours after birth in my hospital bed he's calling and asking what to feed the toddler and where the clothing is. I know this is men blah blah but that's an example like- I don't care, keep them alive, put on a snowsuit, feed them candy, just freaking leave me alone. But no I have to hear all about and be all involved in whatever he's physically doing.

amother

Ballota

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 6:46 am

So if he is doing something then be proactive and write out the instructions for him in detail
Don’t expect him to know
Or to remember
Act like a team
And be appreciative

This isn’t “men” this is for anyone who it’s not their main thing grandma grandpa babysitter aunt etc and they don’t know and all the more so if you want it done a certain way as some do and make clear and even when not

And tell him you don’t mind how he does it but please don’t call you I mean that sounds harsh to me but up to you

Or let him know you are going to take a nap and **** off your phone and you trust his judgement

amother

Ballota

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 6:52 am

[quote="amother Ballota"]So if he is doing something then be proactive and write out the instructions for him in detail
Don’t expect him to know
Or to remember
Act like a team
And be appreciative

This isn’t “men” this is for anyone who it’s not their main thing grandma grandpa babysitter aunt etc and they don’t know and all the more so if you want it done a certain way as some do and make clear and even when not

And tell him you don’t mind how he does it but please don’t call you I mean that sounds harsh to me but up to you

Or let him know you are going to take a nap and turn off your phone and you trust his judgement[