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Double take- ready or not
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amother
Chicory


 

Post Sun, May 28 2023, 3:39 pm
I'm a playgroup morah for 2yr olds. It happens pretty often that I have concerns about kids, that's when it usually come up. More often than not, mothers don't want to hear about it. I usually mention a couple of times and then back off.
I remember one time telling a mother that she should go for an evaluation and she kept on avoiding the issue. I told her nicely:
"listen, it's your kid not mine, it's the last time I will say that to you. I really think you should have him checked out!" And that's when she did.
Another time mother told me it was my fault because child was not stimulated enough! The year after he went to a special therapy program.
It's really hard for parents to accept there's something wrong. I totally hear where therapist is coming from.
It's easier to be upset at your friend than at yourself !
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theotherone1




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 28 2023, 3:42 pm
I thought this was a pretty open and shut case. The mother is wrong.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Sun, May 28 2023, 5:50 pm
I do think that possibly Talia could have said a little more than saying she suggests a full evaluation, something more specific, like her struggling to follow instructions, or her level of play or interaction etc. Because saying needs more evaluation doesn't really give enough information imo.
Realistically would the mother have listened? Quite likely not, but at least she would have tried. And there are ways of saying you would expect a child at this age to be engaging or doing x, y and z without throwing labels such as ASD at parents who aren't ready to hear it.
My niece was diagnosed with ASD when she was 4. All of us had suspected it for a long time, but my sister was not ready to hear that her daughter might have real issues. She just saw her as a highly strung and more difficult child. It was only when the gan turned around to her and said they couldn't cope with this child, that they went for evaluation and a diagnosis.
Most parents, especially when it's the oldest child, they don't have enough experience to know what is normal and what is really not. There's such a spectrum of normal that many parents don't know any better. And you get used to your reality. And it doesn't occur to them that this is outside that spectrum of normal until they are forced to face that reality or are brought to awareness.
I think it is so difficult for parents to come to terms with understanding, and to accept that their child is difficult and it is a form of grief. And it can often be 1 step forwards in acceptance, and then 2 steps back.
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amother
Daylily


 

Post Sun, May 28 2023, 5:56 pm
LovesHashem wrote:
Apparently people don't like being told someone shows signs of ASD I've learned.

I try to keep quiet but I'm not always successful. It's very obvious to me when someone is neurodivergent but I understand others aren't as knowledgeable as me and aren't ready to hear that.

Plus I'm not even a therapist and I don't like sharing my diagnosis publicly because of the stigma and social repruccusions that can happen to my kids and family.


It sounds like you understand them. They don’t want to know because it’s scary and they don’t know the end result- like you know already for yourself. All the treatments are controversial to someone and helping your child is difficult sometimes. All reasons to want to avoid having your kid being diagnosed with something. Most would much rather be called quirky or sensory than autistic.
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Sun, May 28 2023, 9:19 pm
amother Chicory wrote:
I'm a playgroup morah for 2yr olds. It happens pretty often that I have concerns about kids, that's when it usually come up. More often than not, mothers don't want to hear about it. I usually mention a couple of times and then back off.
I remember one time telling a mother that she should go for an evaluation and she kept on avoiding the issue. I told her nicely:
"listen, it's your kid not mine, it's the last time I will say that to you. I really think you should have him checked out!" And that's when she did.
Another time mother told me it was my fault because child was not stimulated enough! The year after he went to a special therapy program.
It's really hard for parents to accept there's something wrong. I totally hear where therapist is coming from.
It's easier to be upset at your friend than at yourself !


I ran a 3 year old playgroup for almost 30 years. I quickly learned to tread very very carefully when suggesting a child needed evaluation. I really would have preferred to say nothing, but of course that would have been morally wrong. Eventually I fine tuned my approach by recommending that the child be evaluated for speech or occupational therapy (depending on what would be more believable in that specific child's situation). Speech therapy and OT are so common and don't really have any negative implications so parents would not get insulted. I knew in order to get either therapy there would be a full panel evaluation and I could bring up my concerns to the therapist who did the evaluation. Usually she picked up on the issue herself. This method was my best bet for getting the child the help needed without antagonizing the parent. Unfortunately, once in a while a parent dismissed my suggestion completely, but that would have happened no matter what I suggested and they would have been angry with me as well.
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 1:38 am
amother Daylily wrote:
It sounds like you understand them. They don’t want to know because it’s scary and they don’t know the end result- like you know already for yourself. All the treatments are controversial to someone and helping your child is difficult sometimes. All reasons to want to avoid having your kid being diagnosed with something. Most would much rather be called quirky or sensory than autistic.


Im not scared of the word or being open with very close people in my life. In order to better understand yourself and the world and how to function better the diagnosis is a key part.

But yes I usually present myself as quirky, sensory, adhd etc terms that others don't freak out at.

Although with more diagnosis things are changing. Lately I've met so many mother's who have high functioning kids and are open about it and when I tell them I am too it really helps them and gives them hope.
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 2:46 am
I feel people are always looking for someone to blame.

Just accept that you found out about ASD when Hashem wanted you to find out.
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amother
Wallflower


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 7:38 am
keym wrote:
This is the exact reason why many people in all kinds of professions will not do informal or unofficial advice. Even for family or close friends. Because the blowback can really not be worth it


This. I’m an experienced SLP with a strong academic background. Over and over again, we were taught to maintain the professional integrity of the field and not to cut corners in any way. While I’m happy to speak to parents on the phone about whether or not a child should come in for an evaluation, once I meet with a child everything is documented. Documentation would have helped the therapist in this case as well. Instead of saying (or not saying) “I think this is ASD” she could have written, “Some of the symptoms observed are consistent with sensory issues, ASD or attentional issues, the determination of which is beyond the scope of this meeting. Further evaluation by an appropriate professional is advised.”

Also, a good lesson here for parents is to always ask for documentation after any meeting with a professional who’s assessing your child. If they don’t document their work, they are not acting with professional or ethical responsibility. It’s a great way to tease out the legitimate experts from the quacks.
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amother
RosePink


 

Post Mon, Jun 05 2023, 6:27 pm
amother Wallflower wrote:
This. I’m an experienced SLP with a strong academic background. Over and over again, we were taught to maintain the professional integrity of the field and not to cut corners in any way. While I’m happy to speak to parents on the phone about whether or not a child should come in for an evaluation, once I meet with a child everything is documented. Documentation would have helped the therapist in this case as well. Instead of saying (or not saying) “I think this is ASD” she could have written, “Some of the symptoms observed are consistent with sensory issues, ASD or attentional issues, the determination of which is beyond the scope of this meeting. Further evaluation by an appropriate professional is advised.”

Also, a good lesson here for parents is to always ask for documentation after any meeting with a professional who’s assessing your child. If they don’t document their work, they are not acting with professional or ethical responsibility. It’s a great way to tease out the legitimate experts from the quacks.

I’m a pediatric OT. This was an informal observation she did as a favor for a friend, it wasn’t a clinical OT evaluation with standardized assessments. No documentation was necessary.
Personally, I dislike doing any kind of ‘informal observation’ like this for the very reason highlighted in the double take-people don’t want to hear it, and they especially do not want to hear it from an old acquaintance/friend. Even parents at a formal clinical evaluation do not want to hear that. (I know of parents who’ve walked out in a huff despite it being relayed in the most professional, sensitive, appropriate manner. They didn’t want their child to be “labeled.” Came to regret that refusal years down the line when their child was severely depressed, lonely, didn’t understand why she’s so different from everyone and why everything was more difficult for her than it was for her peers.)
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