if you have teens ...

Tamiri

Tue, Aug 12 2008, 3:47 pm

Maybe boys are diff. We found with our older ones that if they slept past a certain hour (let's say 9:30) the whole day was messed up. #2 got particularly off track and was horrible all day. Our #3 gets himself up tfoo tfoo for 8 am minyan so we don't have an issue there. #1 and #2 are not like him. We have experience there.

chavamom

Tue, Aug 12 2008, 4:33 pm

Tamiri wrote:

I am a bad mother. I don't permit that kind of sleeping in.

I'd love to know how you deal with it. We have tried dumping out of bed, throwing water on, etc. when faced with absolute refusal, but it didn't get us anywhere. We spoke with several rabbanim and counselors who all told us to leave him alone. It totally goes against my nature and what I believe to be right, but there really is no way to make him get up. (Yes, I know it's part of a bigger problem).

chavamom

Tue, Aug 12 2008, 4:34 pm

As to "what about minyan?", at age 16 either they go or they don't. You can't mind their mitzvos for them.

Ruchel

Wed, Aug 13 2008, 12:29 pm

A teen who doesn't get up is probably bored at day, so he doesn't look forward to getting up, and stays up late because finally he has found something to do. It's a vicious circle, but it's also for the parents to make sure there is something to do in town for teens...

Tamiri

Wed, Aug 13 2008, 12:35 pm

chavamom wrote:

Tamiri wrote:

I am a bad mother. I don't permit that kind of sleeping in.

How I deal with it? Well, we just do. I cant' stand them loafing in bed. And, whomever can't get up by a certain time probably can't participate in XYZ activities or have XYZ rights. My eldest thought it was cool to sleep in, my second said he can't get up. So how is it when things are "going on" they can get up?
And it's only the third one who sets his alarm in the summer so as not to miss the 8 am minyan he likes. I thought "everyone elses" kid makes it to minyan every day, on time. I guess not. I don't want them wandering into the kitchen at all hours to eat breakfast. I don't want them wasting the whole day in bed. Am I being too harsh? So far the two eldest are good boys and not rebellious. What do I risk by making the next ones in line get up? There is no longer a worry about the 18 yo, the army is taking care of 5:30 am (or earlier) wake up times. How does the army do it?

Akeres Habayis

Wed, Aug 13 2008, 2:39 pm

I just put the baby on my teen,so how can she resist a smile and a kiss to her big sister,then she attempts to ignore us,after the uhhh luv ya too.so I sit on the other bed and just talk like she is awake.
it drives her crazy but she gets up....most mornings.but I'm w/grin she does what she needs to do when she needs to do it...I just like to wake her up for the heck of it LOL

greenfire

Wed, Aug 13 2008, 7:29 pm

the reality is you cannot change the clock in people ... they are either morning people or not morning people - which make them night owls ...

chavamom

Wed, Aug 13 2008, 9:39 pm

Tamiri wrote:

chavamom wrote:

Tamiri wrote:

I am a bad mother. I don't permit that kind of sleeping in.

I think you missed my point . They army can deal with it b/c they are the army. I will not stick him in prison for insubordinance. They also do things like pour water on them, etc. which if you read my post, we were advised not to do. It's a power struggle and we were advised to avoid it. When he wants to get up, he gets up, but not b/c we want him too. We used to take away privileges if he didn't get up for minyan, but we were advised not to do that either. We were told by a number of rabbeim that past bar mitzvah, you have to turn it over to them. You can help them get up if they want your help, but if they don't want to go, it's not a good place to make it a battle and they have to be responsible for their own mitzvahs. That's the short story, but basically, consider yourself lucky.

Mommy3.5

Wed, Aug 13 2008, 9:42 pm

I used to have a shirt that said that.

grin

Wed, Aug 13 2008, 10:04 pm

yes. at that age their mitzvos are their responsibility, and you need to chose your battles carefully (and try to make it a gentle reminder at most).

greenfire

Wed, Aug 13 2008, 10:36 pm

Mommy3.5 wrote:

I used to have a shirt that said that.

years ago I remember at the t-shirt place in woodburn (where we would go on off days during camp) I had seen one that said "insanity is hereditary - you get it from your kids" ... I only understood that after having kids and my sister was kind enough to give me a key chain that said the same quote ... Nervous

grin

Wed, Aug 13 2008, 10:45 pm

greenfire wrote:

"insanity is hereditary - you get it from your kids"

We used to have a sign like that in the house. Eventually, the kids grew older and understood what it meant. Their answer was to give me a key-chain saying "nachas is hereditary - you get it from your kids" Very Happy

greenfire

Fri, Oct 24 2008, 11:14 am

Tamiri wrote:

I will take the award, but do you really let the kids stay in bed so late? What about minyan? I also don't let them stay out late, unless it was for Mishmar Ezrahi. Am I doing something wrong?

hey mother of the year - last I checked my girls don't need minyan ... & sonny boy (and dd3) is on my side of the fence - catching worms Wink