payments crisis | Imamother

TzenaRena

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 1:21 pm

I made an account last year to pay for dd's seminary, and now to pay for her wedding expenses, we had to take out gemachim. The only way to get them, was to submit headchecks from a checking account, and mine was the only existing one. I took responsibility for two loans, which I took out, but cannot handle more than that, I earn a meager salary. The problem is that I agreed to let my dh use the account for dd#2's tuition headchecks - something I cannot possibly assume responsibility for. (We had no choice but to do it this way, in order for my dd to be allowed to attend school. Sad

) Plus two more gemachim, also for the wedding, but which my husband promised to bring in the money for. Plus another new gemach for my sons' tuition!

I also had taken out a previous loan, which was used to buy two new appliances when the others broke beyond repair, and footed 3/4 of the Pesach food expenses with it, plus 1/3 of the food expenses since then till now. Although that loan is now due, I can't repay it, because I paid for half of my son's summer Yeshiva tuition with my paycheck, the other half someone helped us out with, a miracle in itself. (This was the only child who attended camp this summer Sad

). I did make an initial payment of a little over 1/3, and now am at a standstill. and yes, some of the money I was going to use for payments ended up footing the Tishrei food costs. Confused

I had been hoping to start working at a better, more full-time job, but truthfully haven't had the opportunity to do any job-seeking yet. Now that Tishrei is over, I hope that Hashem will somehow help me to find the right job. Help

As it is, my husband is really, unbelievably hard pressed to come up with rent, insurance premiums, utilities, everything is always on cut-off notice and I seriously wonder whether he'll (be able, or feel able to) give me the money for the payments that are on my name, never mind that he undertook them; it's become my burden . Promises don't help. I am petrified that everything is soon going to collapse. I will never be able to take out Gemach's from any of these places, if he doesn't deliver, checks will start to bounce with a charge of $50 minimum for each one! I feel like I am about to drown... Sad

What I want to do is to open up a new account, issue new headchecks to the Gemachim that I took out, and leave the headache of the other account to my husband, he should live and be well. Only, that I'm afraid the bank will put a lien on my new account....

I am very careful to save every penny toward the payments I undertook, and this account was created specifically, exclusively for that. It's not the family account, so no unhelpful questions or comments why it's not a joint one.

I'm not sure if this is a vent, rant, both or a call for advice, or help. Maybe all of the above.

bigmomma

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 1:43 pm

No advice, but can really relate, probably everyone on here can...

zigi

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 1:44 pm

hugs((((()))) hashem should bless you! I know the feeling of owing everyone. and if the money not in the bank its going to bounce!!! gook luck.

Akeres Habayis

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 1:47 pm

tzena rena I'm sorry to hear of the financial problems u are having.
all I can offer is hugs,I have been there!

does your dh know when the money will come in?if so,can u go to the gemachim and rewrite the checks for those dates?
I dont think its a good idea to open a new acct in his name,bc even though the acct for the tuition,is in your name,it still affects both of u(financially).

do u have any jewelry that is worth selling??
that question is a serious one.

hatzlacha,I hope someone can have a better answer than me,but know that I feel for u and hate this is happening to u and your family...your poor dh,I bet he feels just awful not coming thru.

Barbara

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 1:54 pm

I'm not really sure I understood the whole story. Nonetheless, please go the gemachs. NOW. Tell them that due to events beyond your control, the checks are likely to bounce. Tell them when and how you will be able to pay. Do NOT let them discover the problem themselves. That would be a very bad thing.

Strudel

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 1:59 pm

We had a beautiful wedding that was arranged by a gemach. They also helped with dh's clothing. It was a fraction of the cost of a typical wedding. Please don't be pushed into making a big wedding if you can't afford it and it will get you into debt you can't pay back. Plus, kallahs don't need a complete new kitchen, dining room set or a years worth of new clothes, so don't get dragged into buying her everything under the sun!

bubby

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 2:15 pm

Barbara is right. If you are upfront with the Gemachs it will work in your favor. True, they won't be happy, but to get something is better than nothing. After all, they won't sue you, so it's an honor system & you are honorable people. They'll understand!

Leahh

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 2:25 pm

Akeres Habayis wrote:

do u have any jewelry that is worth selling??
that question is a serious one.

She's right! I haven't sold any jewelry yet (I keep saying I will but haven't made it to the store yet) but my mom did and she told me you would be surprised how much the little scraps add up to. She sold earrings from when we were kids that didn't have a pair, backs from earrings, useless necklace chains and charms. She kept all sentimental stuff but the scraps that were just sitting and collecting dust and would one day end up in the garbage she cashed in and was shocked at how much it was actually worth. Look around for anything - even tiny pieces - and go to a jewelry store that will buy it from you. (My mom went to Feldman's on 16th Ave)

Its also better to be upfront with the gemachs and ask them to hold off on trying to cash the checks as that will just land you another expense.

bubby

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 2:54 pm

Ooh, I have diamond earrings that I never wear (the diamonds are decent but the setting is too small.) And some odds & ends, including my diamond ring that I absolutely hate & haven't worn in 25 years! I'll try it. Great idea, thanks.

gryp

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 3:06 pm

What's nuts is that these schools are charging so much.
I'm sorry about this, Tzena. You sound so stressed out. Sad

Gemachs are probably used to hearing these kinds of situations, so speaking to them would probably be a good idea.

Barbara

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 3:20 pm

bubby wrote:

If you don't need the money immediately, now is NOT the time to do it. The economy is in free-fall, and consumer confidence is at an all-time low. Lots of people need money (selling), few buying. You generally get pennies on the dollar in selling jewelry. I suspect that you'd get even less now.

If you have an appraisal, I'd suggest trying to sell the items yourself, through luach, craigslist or ebay. You're likely to do better that way.

TzenaRena

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 5:06 pm

midwest wrote:

BH, we did have a beautiful wedding, and had help B"H, but there were still many expenses, not covered. No new furniture for them either Confused

, but we paid the initial rent of the apartment, and yes, the kallah got some nice outfits, all on sale, but still adds up. One of the big expenses was her sheitel! Not on sale... The wedding was quite basic, but still... I admit, I overspent on some things, that in retrospect were unnecessary. My sons got hats that costed $150 instead of the cheaper store that costs $100 for a cheaper brand. But one of them didn't get a new hat since his Bar-Mitzvah, three years ago. and the other one, it's probably also three years. So I thought they should finally get something nice, if they're getting altogether. My husband would have none of it though. He got his hat at the cheaper store, and insisted on a cheaper kapote too! Saved about $200. Our gowns were from a gemach but even that was $200 for rental, deposit and cleaning.

GR, considering that others probably pay much more, the tuition costs are pretty reasonable, although challenging enough for us. But I guess tuition plus a chassunah is a bigger challenge.

Akeres HaBayis, thanks for your support. My husband is of course trying, and maybe will come through. His motto "if I have, I'll give....". I just informed him that the tuition check is due tomorrow.... He was surprised, not really, just not ready. There wasn't even a week's worth of schooldays this Tishrei.....

shayna82

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 5:21 pm

wow, I feel for your situation.

my sister is getting married soon iyh and I was so happy to hear how much cheaper it is in c.h, versus other places. things are really sounding so reasonable.

im sure you saved as much as you could, by a wedding its hard to scrimp.

may this year be more prosperous for you and your family!

bubby

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 8:31 pm

Weddings are a killer. I will recommend to my son he elopes. I'll pay for the taxi. LOL

OldYoung

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 8:52 pm

bubby wrote:

Weddings are a killer. I will recommend to my son he elopes. I'll pay for the taxi. LOL

Hey- seriously- my great-aunt used to tell her kids that she'll give them something like $10,000 if they elope and she really meant it!

Leahh

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 9:03 pm

Barbara wrote:

bubby wrote:

Actually the price of gold is very high right now because of the economy and thats the exact reason to sell now. You'll get more now than you would've gotten a few years ago and once the economy gets better and stabalizes the price will go down and you'll get less.

Tefila

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 9:20 pm

Someone recently told me she declared bankruptcy not once but twice ( not sure how she did that) and though I don't think it's the way to go, it's better then having you and your family stressed out like this . On the other hand is there no job you can look for right now? Even babaysitting, anything to help the money come in?

Pickle Lady

Wed, Oct 29 2008, 10:57 pm

Oh TR I feel for you. That sounds really really tough. The whole idea of head checks really scare me. If you don't have the money, you don't have the money. Hatzlacha contacting the gemachs.