combining your kids' money??

manhattanmom

Sun, Nov 16 2008, 12:10 pm

If you were saving your kids' money--each in his/her own account (whatever form--doesn't matter--savings, investments/brokerage/ mutual funds...) from the time they've been born--birth gifts, birthday gifts--year after year and you see your kids all ending up with different amounts of money--like the oldest one may have gotten more "being born" presents and another one's investments may have done better one year and your boys may have gotten more money for their bar mitzvas than your daughters got for bas mitzvahs, etc.

Would you redistribute the money so each of your kids have basically the same amount?
All this is without telling them--like not telling your kids they even have significant amounts of money invested/saved up until they are old enough to be mature and responsible about it. They don't have to know that the older siblings had more old rich relatives when they were born or that one sibling made and extra $10,000 one year in their mutual funds.
OR, would you just let each kid have whatever was specifically always marked for them??

Tamiri

Sun, Nov 16 2008, 12:14 pm

Whatever is marked for them belongs to them. Some of my kids have nothing, some have more. Some worked, some never did. It's what's meant to be, I don't go playing money-G-d.

manhattanmom

Sun, Nov 16 2008, 12:20 pm

Tamiri wrote:

Whatever is marked for them belongs to them. Some of my kids have nothing, some have more. Some worked, some never did. It's what's meant to be, I don't go playing money-G-d.

Oh--I should have mentioned--I'm not talking about what your kids worked for. If one was a counselor in a summer camp as a teen, babysat, tutored, etc., it's completely their money--a different story.

Last edited by manhattanmom on Sun, Nov 16 2008, 12:27 pm; edited 1 time in total

Tamiri

Sun, Nov 16 2008, 12:26 pm

Gifts given in their honor are either yours or theirs. Why would you split it with other kids? You can always add YOUR money to the pot if you feel like it. But borrowing from Peter to pay Paul...?????

greenfire

Sun, Nov 16 2008, 12:46 pm

the presents were meant for a specific kid ... and it is theirs ... you can't quite give away something that is not yours and not belonging to the other siblings ...

although that would be a great bar mitzva idea ... when you have only one son and everyone gives monies and the girlies get left out ... Twisted Evil

but what can ya do ... nada

cassandra

Sun, Nov 16 2008, 1:00 pm

I'm happy my parents didn't. I'm the oldest and the oldest grandchild and had more saved for me than my siblings.

I wouldn't do it for my kids either. Two of my kids were around when my grandparents gave a significant sum of money to each child, grandchild, and great grandchild. My younger two kids who weren't born yet so they have considerably less money to their name. That's life.

Marion

Sun, Nov 16 2008, 1:12 pm

Baby gifts, well, I know who got how much from where, and we spend accordingly. Mostly it gets spent on carseats, toys, and clothes, so whoever needs it, gets it. The other account, it will be distributed according to who it belongs to.

However, I put away the same amount every month for each child from their child allowances. The difference is not large (a few hundred dollars, in favour of the oldest son & grandson). It is small enough that I would consider putting in the difference from my "own" pocket when the time comes.

mugsisme

Sun, Nov 16 2008, 4:09 pm

yo'ma wrote:

If you want to give them the difference, fine. You can't take from one child and give to another one because one has more.

ITA. My oldest was born 20+ years ago when more relatives were alive. The older kids got more when they were born. One was named after a certain family member, and that side of the family gave large gifts to him. So each child has their own separate savings account, in which their money goes. The only mistake we have made was to allow the oldest DD to take her money as she wanted it. She had only $150 left last week, and asked DH to transfer it to her debit card. Now she has nothing left. The others are not allowed to touch their money now until they get engaged or married. This way they won't frivolously spend it away.

But it is their money. I won't give cash anymore for bar mitzvah presents once I heard several families keep the money to pay for the bar mitzvah. I am sorry, but when I give a kid a gift, it is a gift for the child, not to pay for the simcha.