I don't spend enough time teaching my kids

amother

Mon, Dec 22 2008, 1:32 pm

Bli ayin hara, I have 3 kids under the age of four. Ds-4, ds-2.5, and dd 5months old. I feel terrible that I don't spend hardly anytime teaching, or reading to them, or like going over the parsha of the week with them. I am so overwhelmed with housework that never seems to end, scolding the two older ones for fighting, cleaning up the potty training accidents, and I selfishly take a 30-60 minute nap if I can. But I am TIRED! I kind of leave all the teaching up to the gan, but I know that if I want my kids to be successful in learning, I should review with them. I should start teaching my 2 year old shapes and colors, and I should read to all of them. The older one had a speech delay and I totally know it is my fault. I am naturally quiet and to myself most of the time and never really had converstaions with him till he was about 1.5 years old. But how do I manage? I know schedules are great but very hard to stick to if you ask me. Any suggestions?

zigi

Mon, Dec 22 2008, 1:40 pm

don't blame yourself for your sons speech delay. my son has one and I talk all the time. you can talk to your kids while you are doing housework. I also need to start reading more. bli neder before bed it will be story time again. you can also read to them on shabbos. teaching shapes and colors can be taught informally like when your in the store look at the red apples, or while you are walking.

flowerpower

Mon, Dec 22 2008, 1:49 pm

Honestly they don't need your teaching. They need your love and attention. Kids pick up things in school and on their own. I didn't teach my kids colors and numbers and abcs...and ds is reading and spelling and what not because he had interest in it and taught it himself. You can do parsha by the shabbos table or when you have a minute on shabbos like after breakfast, after dh goes to mincha...

zaq

Mon, Dec 22 2008, 2:39 pm

"should"? who says? 3 kids under 4 and no household help and you're feeling guilty that you're not turning every moment of the day into a teaching moment? who died and crowned you Supermom?

and wait--you kids go to gan? so what's wrong with letting the ganenet do her job, which is teach them shapes, colors, numbers etc. and you do your job, which is be a loving parent?

you teach by example anyway. if you tell the kids to pick up the red cup off the floor, he's learning colors. if you tell him you're giving him 2 cookies he's learning numbers. and if you just ask him to pick up the cup, he's learning that that's a cup.

who told you that if you want your kids to be successful in learning you have to review with them when they're barely out of diapers? With all due respect , I didn't do any of that stuff. Not b/c I opposed it, but bc/ like you I was tired and like you I wanted to have a normal loving relationship with my kids. I did NOt want to be thinking every moment "how can I make a lesson out of this?" In fact, I had a friend who really was teaching every momnet, and frankly, it annoyed the living daylights out of me. why can't little children be allowed to just BE? Their job is to be spontaneous, to grow and experience, not to be stuffed full of academics when they're barely out of diapers.

I wouldn't say I never pointed out to my kids "look, there's a red station wagon" "that sign says STOP" "I have two gloves and one hat" but I didn't do it all the time and I didn't give "lessons". Nor did I teach them how to read or anything. That they learned in preschool. Somehow they picked stuff up just by being, and B"H all my kids are academically successful, despite coming into preschool not knowing how to read.

Mama Bear

Mon, Dec 22 2008, 4:17 pm

there is no need to teach your kids who arent in gan yet. the one who does go to gan, you can 'go over' with him/her what they learned that day, for five minutes aday. that's what I do! shimie comes home from cheder I talk to him about the parsha while we get settled in from the cheder bus, and then dh asks him the parsha qustions on shabbos. and that's enough.

PeachTree

Fri, Dec 26 2008, 2:19 am

I felt sorry while reading your post. Why should you waste your energy on feeling guilty that you don't teach your kids. Kids learn by example. If you set a good example they will follow the lead. Kids need love and affection, which is the best teaching tool!
Of course your tired! With 3 little kinderlech it's the norm! Since when is taking a 30 to 60 min. nap being selfish? On the contarary, it is one of the most important thing you can do for your children during motherhood! If you are rested, (which I don't really believe 30 minutes is really enough, but still better then nothing) you have at least a bit more energy and are better able to care for those precious little ones!
As far as believing that your son's speech problem is your fault is absolutely ridiculous! Every child is different! Some speak earlier some later. None of my children spoke at an early age and are B"H doing just fine!
I think you just need to change your attitude and begin to relize that it's not about teaching, it's about loving. Before you know it you'll be wondering where those wonderful worry free days of having such adorable little ones went. Hold on tight, and treasure these years, because once they're gone, they never come back- as the saying goes "Kleine kinder, kleine dagas. Groise kinder, Groise dagas!"
Trust me, I speak of experience!
Enjoy and lot's of Nachas!!