Do children appreciate their parents?

amother

Mon, Dec 29 2008, 1:08 pm

[quote="Isramom8"]No, so don't make that the reason you try to be a good mother.[/quote]

?? what do you mean?

bubby

Mon, Dec 29 2008, 1:15 pm

Very true, Fox; it's very clear from the posters on imamother who have overcome their backgrounds that they are capable of showing kibud av, even without love. In the end, that's all abusive parents should be entitled to, if only for the fact that they gave birth to wonderful people. For that alone they deserve credit.

You know that saying, the chickens come home to roost (a la Rev Wright!!)? Well, when there are so many loving moms out there who were ignored, abused etc, it's a testament to the human spirit & endurance. When we moms do everything for our kids the best appreciation is seen in the fact that they are healthy (emotionally) & happy, with the tools they need to succeed. Of course, a kiss & a "thanks, Ma!" is always welcome Wink

StrongIma

Mon, Dec 29 2008, 1:17 pm

I think we need to try to be good parents since that's Hashem's expectation for us by the very fact that He granted us children, yet at the same time, we need to realize that it's the children's bechira to acknowledge that and appreciate our hishtadlus.

Isramom8

Mon, Dec 29 2008, 3:14 pm

amother wrote:

Isramom8 wrote:

No, so don't make that the reason you try to be a good mother.

?? what do you mean?

I mean that children do not appreciate their parents. If our goal is our kids' appreciation, we might as well quit.

mama-star

Mon, Dec 29 2008, 3:46 pm

I don't think kids appreciate their parents when they are young. someone once told me that for kids, gratitude is a hard thing to learn. I think that's true.

Aribenj

Mon, Dec 29 2008, 5:08 pm

I think babies and toddlers do. I mean, have you ever seen the look in the face of a hungry baby who is being fed?

I've taken care of a lot of little kids over the years, and it is very clear to me that babies and toddlers appreciate whoever feeds and takes care of them.

Once they become kids though, all those needs being met become a given, so that's when they stop appreciating.

But then when they themselves become parents, they may start appreciating in retrospect all that their parents did for them.

Happy Mom

Fri, Jan 02 2009, 12:11 am

I think kids often appreciate their parents a long time before they become parents. BH our kids are all very appreciative, and the two oldest (14, 15) have told us that they hope they have homes like ours, but as a mother, I don't look to my kids to give me appreciation.

Yes, kids need to learn gratitude, and I think it's an important part of their chinuch that we teach them how to recognize when something is done for them, and how to express it. I also express my appreciation for to them for things that they do; it's not a one way street. But it's not appropriate to expect our kids to build us up and thank us constantly. And anyway, when we expect it, even if we get it it's never enough.

RichWithNachas

Fri, Jan 02 2009, 12:44 am

I see that children naturally do look up to their parents and sometimes need reminders to say thank you and show gratitude. The big challenge comes as a teenager, when by nature they think they know alot more than adults.

I always appreciated my parents, and know that they invested alot of love for their children. But after I had my own family, that is when I started to see my mothers brilliance within her simplicity. The longer I am married , the more my eyes open up and realize that what my mother is by nature has taken me years to aquire (I hope) .