One-on-one time with a kid

Clarissa

Sun, Dec 14 2008, 10:55 am

The other day, I had a foot appointment. My husband was staying home with my toddler, so I asked my older kid if he wanted to accompany me to the podiatrist. You should have seen his face light up. He just wanted to be anywhere with me. I realized that, almost all the time we're together, it's with his younger sibling. Just being with me anywhere was a treat.

The trip actually turned out great. I have the world's nicest podiatry office. I mean it -- the doctor is lovely, the staff is wonderful and warm, and the patients are usually one big happy family. It's so nice a person would be tempted to stub a toe to get to visit. So my kid loved it, they loved him, and we both had huge grins when we were finished. Then I took him to Barnes & Noble, another treat that costs nothing. We spent some time perusing books, walking around holding hands, talking.

Every Pesach, when my husband is turning over the house, I take him out for breakfast so there won't be kids around. He loves it, years later he still talks about each time like I took him to Disney World or something. So little, with such big payback.

Anyway, the foot doctor trip reminded me of how important it is for each parent to have one-on-one time with a kid, even if it's a small errand. Just some special time. I know it's difficult for people with a slew of children, but I wanted to tell this story to show how little one needs to do.

octopus

Sun, Dec 14 2008, 10:59 am

That was a really nice story! My kids are little right now. I have two. I am able to give one-on-one time when they nap at different times. They absolutely kvell when they get all my attention. It's actually one of my reasons why I want to long term nurse my dd. I feel that she is getting my exclusive attention when I nurse her. (Okay, maybe not during all of my nursing sessions, but definitely during some!)

Thanks for sharing!

Clarissa

Sun, Dec 14 2008, 11:02 am

octopus wrote:

Exactly. It takes so little sometimes to make a kid feel loved. We forget that. And I agree -- my time nursing the little one (who isn't so little) is so sweet. I always hope that someday, when he's a teen, he'll have some vague recollection of this special time together (very vague, I know) and won't hate me quite as much. Fat chance, but at least he'll carry some memory of how much he's been loved. Same with the other one.

Clarissa

Sun, Dec 14 2008, 11:02 am

chaylizi wrote:

funny you mention that. my 5 year old just asked me about "special time" this morning. it seems she would like me to take her out, without the baby in tow. she asked so earnestly, I just have to find a way to make it work.

You're so luck to have a 5 year old who knows to ask. So many kids just act out, not realizing that's what they want.

chaylizi

Sun, Dec 14 2008, 11:08 am

she is an extremely verbal & articulate child. most people would not guess that she is 5. she is such a pleasure to communicate with. her sister on the other hand talks like a cave man. she points & grunts a lot. I suppose that comes with the territory (she's 21 months)

MiracleMama

Sun, Dec 14 2008, 11:34 am

The one on one time really is so important. My oldest just turned 2 a couple months ago and now there are suddenly two babies in the house (I had twins this summer). My toddler seemed so upset lately and I couldn't understand why. Even though I am busy with the babies, he doesn't lack for attention 99% of the time. My mother is around to help a lot, B"H and I have paid help too, B"H. And my husband spends a lot of time with him too. But he just wasn't right. Last week I left the babies with my mother and picked him up from school and took him out for a special afternoon with mommy. We went to a botanical gardens (we live in warm weather) and explored and had a picnic lunch together. Since our outing he has been much happier, more huggy and kissy again. I'm going to try to do this once a week.

yo'ma

Sun, Dec 14 2008, 12:23 pm

When my ds was 5 or so (I don't remember the exact age), he was really acting out. My dh was going to go visit his parents and since he always takes at least one child with him, he took him. As a whole, it was great, but he still acted out and when he came home, it was as if he didn't even leave. I agree with everything you're saying, but sometimes it doesn't always work Crying

greenfire

Sun, Dec 14 2008, 12:56 pm

I've taken a kid at a time out with me on an errand and sneaked in an ice cream cone - with a shhhhhhhh can't tell the others ... it made it so much more FUN ... I wonder if they ever caught on that they all got ice cream alone with mommy ... dare I ask now What

flowerpower

Sun, Dec 14 2008, 1:06 pm

I know how important it is and try to do it daily. When I get an opportunity, I take one along only on my little outing. Funny thing-ds2 doesn't care to go alone with me somewhere, he would rather have company. I took him alone somewhere for shabbos and he was nuts the whole time, this shabbos I went with him to mommy and he kept crying he wants to go to my sister and play with his cousin. I do give one on one every night with them.

grin

Sun, Dec 14 2008, 2:08 pm

maybe my kids have too much of me - or they feel that the one-on-one's that come up anyhow (their dentist appt, shopping for shoes, etc.) are enough?

They do talk to me at home non-stop - each one is a virtual chatterbox, and I work on relating to them when they're talking to me - looking at them before I answer - not as easy as it sounds when you have 10, ka'h. I had to work at it when I realized I didn't remember most of what they told me, I decided that I better fix that so they would want to continue to include me in their lives.

my newest hachlata: to try to phone my older ones (who don't live at home anymore) weekly (?)

Last edited by grin on Wed, Dec 17 2008, 1:04 pm; edited 1 time in total

SuperMama

Wed, Dec 17 2008, 11:20 am

I make sure to spend 10 minutes a day uninterupted with each of my children alone each day. If it gets interupted after 4 minutes, then I start over from 0 again. My husband takes our kids out as a group every single friday and the whole family goes out motsi shabbos. During the week he tries to take the kids out just with him to do errands, whatever it is. He doesnt take all of the children out alone during the week, but on Tuesday one kid, Wednesday another, Sunday another, etc. The kids love it and I know that they benefit from it.

Clarissa

Wed, Dec 17 2008, 11:23 am

SuperMama wrote:

I love systems! Yours sounds very good.

yo'ma

Thu, Jan 15 2009, 2:21 pm

Since reading your post, I decided to take each kid out camp separately for one day and from when the baby goes to camp we can do, within reason Wink

, whatever that child wants.

I already told them I'm going to do that in the winter too, but twice for the whole year. In the summer, they could do whatever they want because it's vacation time anyway. In the winter, they'll be able to spend time with me, but do whatever I'm doing because technically they're supposed to be in school Wink

.

My kids thank you.