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Totally OUt of Control
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Happy Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 01 2009, 9:30 pm
ABC wrote:
she is violent towards her younger siblings. sometimes I see her frustration, as they often mess up sth she is doing so nicely, but my home isnt big enough for her to have her own space, but I dont know how to help her live side by side with her siblings.

she also lashes out at me and dh, physically and by shouting. she seems very angry, but I dont know where this has suddenly come from, she wasnt like that at all before.

if anyone has some good advice, pls help. I know she'd benefit from time alone with mommy, but with a small baby to look after and a demanding toddler too, and no resources to have childcare help, I just cant afford it. we're all always together. I cant keep her up later than the others as she gets so overtired and then will almost always act out. I really dont know how to handle this and bring out the best in my little diamond. help!


ABC, this is such a hard situation! There are several issues but the main one is that your dd is only 5, and whether she has younger siblings or not, needs your attention. I know what it's like to have a lot of young children, and I also know better than most what it's like to be always together with all of my kids. But if you want to find the time and energy, you will, as challenging as it can be. A baby and toddler can have their nap time coordinated, so the house is quiet at some point in the day and you can be with just her. And you can give her attention in a focused way even if the others are around. You can read a book to all three of them and be sure to have her snuggled right next to you. She can be your big helper when you get dinner ready. Kids appreciate our focused attention, but it doesn't have to be for a very long time. Often it's enough to take a few minutes throughout the afternoon, and look at her when you talk to her, instead of being busy with the little ones and her feeling like you're too busy for her. And if you have to keep her up fifteen or twenty minutes later, so do it. It will be worth it to have a happier and more secure child.

I also think she would benefit if you clarified what appropriate boundaries as far as behavior goes are. A child should not be hitting or shouting at a parent, no matter what, and violence with siblings imo is a problem that should be addressed immediately.

I believe it was Rabbi Orlowek who quoted Rav Simcha Wasserman, and said in chinuch, you should always be drawing them close with your right (strong) hand, while disciplining them with your left (the weaker). That's what is effective in molding them. So give her lots of love, while simultaneously giving her clear and consistent guidelines as to what behavior is appropriate.

Good luck, and hugs to you and your daughter!
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charna




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 15 2009, 5:10 pm
First a parenting course that makes you feel comftorbale is a good idea I have a adhd child and when I feel I have had it I take a time out I leave the room do something else in another part of the house or go in my room and relax for a few minutes and then I come out and try to deal with whatever is going on in a more calm way.
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RichWithNachas




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 15 2009, 5:12 pm
I haven't followed this thread but for an ADHD child, medication can go a long way.And bring happiness and more confidence to your child.
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