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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Making 3 Sheva Brachos for Sister, vent, any help appreciate
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 06 2009, 6:12 pm
how much time is there before this wondrous occasion ... Scratching Head
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Mommish




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 06 2009, 6:34 pm
Could the chosson and kallah host their own superbowl party? Or maybe their friends or your other siblings could? That is the part that puts it over the top imho.
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RichWithNachas




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 06 2009, 7:16 pm
Are you concerned about ruining your relationship with them if you tell them straight out that you will only be able to host.............. And they should appreciate you for that !!

People always back out even at the last moment!!!

There should be another way for them to celebrate their happy occasion without imposing such stress on you Surprised
BTW, Mazal tov and it should be BSHAA TOVA UMUTZLACHAS!!!!
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 06 2009, 8:24 pm
bubby wrote:
Sorry, I think you need to accept some responsibility here & just say no can do. It's unreasonable of them to ask & foolish of you to agree. Making 3 Sheva Brachas is totally unreasonable. I found it hard to make Fri night & Shabbos (as the Kallahs' mother) & much of it was catered! Of course, I didn't have little kids & I wasn't pregnant either.

Cancel 2 of them. Have the Machatonim host one & your parents pay for another in a local Shul hall.


without giving way too much information, both those options are unavailable. I have already mentioned that my parents are not involved, not even 1%.

another family member, actually from my husband 's side who lives here offered to make the shabbos lunch. so that was nice of her.

all the amothers that are saying, just to say no, its a complicated situation, and I wish it was that easy. in general I never let myself get stepped on, but this situation is one of highly complex logistics. think about what a worse case scenario can be, then think about why I feel this needs to be done. I still dont agree about how it came to be that its on my lap, but it needs to happen and I will do it with a smile.

thanks everyone for your suggestions, I took all of them to heart.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2009, 2:54 am
When I got married, few people knew me and my chossun. We had three sheva brachos, all made by people we did not know very well. I felt like such a nebach chesed case. I was grateful to those who made for us, but at the same time embarrassed that I didn't really know them and the other people attending, and deeply embarrassed that we didn't have all seven sheva brachos. (Not saying my feelings were right, but that's how I felt. I worried a lot about looking nebby in front of my chossun.)

So, I just wanted to tell you, OP, that you are doing such a wonderful thing for the couple. It sounds like the family situation for both of them is complicated--your parents and the boy's parents are both not stepping up to the plate, so it puts the couple in a potentially awkward and humiliating situation. But by you agreeing to take care of Shabbos and Sunday, you are saving them from that embarrassment. They will feel loved and cared for. Tizki l'mitzvos!!
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Akeres Habayis




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2009, 7:45 am
amother wrote:
When I got married, few people knew me and my chossun. We had three sheva brachos, all made by people we did not know very well. I felt like such a nebach chesed case. I was grateful to those who made for us, but at the same time embarrassed that I didn't really know them and the other people attending, and deeply embarrassed that we didn't have all seven sheva brachos. (Not saying my feelings were right, but that's how I felt. I worried a lot about looking nebby in front of my chossun.)

So, I just wanted to tell you, OP, that you are doing such a wonderful thing for the couple. It sounds like the family situation for both of them is complicated--your parents and the boy's parents are both not stepping up to the plate, so it puts the couple in a potentially awkward and humiliating situation. But by you agreeing to take care of Shabbos and Sunday, you are saving them from that embarrassment. They will feel loved and cared for. Tizki l'mitzvos!!


very nice post thanks for sharing it.

take all the help that has been offered,even the relative of your dh who offered to make one of them!
I'm glad they had someone they could ask,and they are having the sheva brachos,it doesnt make your job any easier,but Hashem should give u koach and remember u are doing a huge mitzvah.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2009, 1:19 pm
I know how you feel to be a family situation where you have no choice. I hope $ is not an issue for you. If it is, may I suggest asking your local tomchei shabbos for some help. I am impressed that you are doing this.This will have a possitive impact on your children , especially doing it with a smile on your face.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2009, 1:23 pm
thanks everyone for your kind words. it hasnt been easy, but I now look at it as a huge mitzva, not a burden.

my grandparents, who wish they can come want to pay for it, they already sent the money. I was gonna just pay out of my own pocket, thank g-d I could. I am not doing simple simple, but not too fancy, ya know.

I ordered a fancy cake and petit fours, and am making a decent amount of food!

its next week, wish me luck!
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