When your son doesn't fit the "mold".

amother

Tue, Jan 24 2006, 9:31 am

My DH and I are at a loss. Daily we talk about what the future is going to be for our bar mitzvah boy's education. Our son has a learning disability called Non-Verbal learning disorder (NLD). This means that though he has no problem reading and writing and is actually quite bright, he has difficulty with social skills. This means that while other children as they grow, learn by example how to behave in public and in private-he needs to be taught this. Our upbringing of this son, our middle child, has been very difficult and sometimes I have felt helpless even though we have spent thousands of dollars on help trying to teach him these things and have put so much Koach into his education, sometimes the frustration at the "system" is overwhelming, especially the teachers who not only refused to give a little extra for him-but called him names in class and made fun of him to his fellow students (he has suffered so much from being ridiculed for his lack of "decorum" that I cry all the time for his happiness, which eludes this poor boy).
So our new dilemma for him is where is going to attend Yeshiva. We are devoted Chabad chassidim, so a school from another sect is out of the question. He is a chassidishe boy who can learn very well given the right motivation-yet the only yeshivas we have seen so far are ones that either are dedicated to "top" boys with no problems or "problem" boys who are into things that my son is not-such as movies, music, girls and, G-d Forbid, drugs.
Does anyone know of a good Chabad yeshiva on the north american continent that would be a chassidishe environment with other chassidishe boys but could cater to our son's needs?
Any help or advise would be so appreciated!

TzenaRena

Tue, Jan 24 2006, 9:48 am

How about Rabbi Motty Stern's Yeshiva? I heard he is wonderful in that respect, and all other respects too. The atmosphere is very caring and loving, and very Chassidishe too. I have friends who send there.( You can PM me for more details).

7diamonds

Wed, Jan 25 2006, 12:19 am

Thank you so much SaraYehudis for all your help today. I will BE"H look into this yeshiva right away. You really made me see how wonderful this site is for us Jewish mothers. Yasher Koach!

Mandy

Wed, Jan 25 2006, 11:55 am

I'm not really clear on this topic. You pay the school tuition and the teachers make fun of your son ? What's wrong with this picture ?

1. Provide reading information about NVLD to each adult who comes into contact with your child.

2. Provide said adult with a list of suggestions/interventions that you know to work at home.

3. Is he in a social skills counseling group ? These are often crucial for children with this difficulty.

7diamonds

Wed, Jan 25 2006, 12:04 pm

Actually, as I mentioned about the money we spend-this is on a psychologist who is an amazing person and has done so much work with our son. Every year we take the teacher for a meeting with the psychologist (we pay of course) and guide him through what is to come, how to avoid problems, etc. But, the problem is that since his diagnosis 4 years ago, he has had only 1 teacher that actually listened and we didn't have to have second, third, etc. follow up meetings with.
That is why I am trying to find the right yeshiva for him. Somewhere that with the guidelines we give, and the reading materials, etc. we also give, that they will follow, in a chassidishe and warm atmosphere, with other chassidishe boys, and our son will be happy.
By the way-for more on NLD you can check out their website at www.nlda.org .

7diamonds

Wed, Jan 25 2006, 2:39 pm

sarayehudis, my dh knows Motty Stern and has heard very nice things about him in the past. We are looking into it. Can you ask your friends who sent if to his school if they would mind being contacted and I will call them. Thanks again.

timeout

Thu, Jan 26 2006, 3:29 pm

My cousin just started sending one of her sons to a new smaller Lubavitch school I can ask her which one if you would like or PM me and I'll give you her # she's also a Special Ed teacher.

sister

Thu, Jan 26 2006, 5:07 pm

try calling Rabbi Zirkind in Toronto....
Hope this helps!
Good Luck!

7diamonds

Thu, Jan 26 2006, 6:36 pm

Thank you for your responses.

But, Rabbi Zirkind's school is not the type that my son needs. He is a chassidishe boy and most of those boys are confused about their chassidishkeit and have academic learning disabilities.
My son's problem is not academic which is part of what makes for a unique problem.

We are also worried about a new school-we would like a program that is established (at least 3-4 years). I heard briefly about a newish (3-4 years' Wink

') school in California, but have no details. Does anyone know anything about it?

As well, we are now looking into R. Motty Stern's in NY state, thanks to SaraYehudis.

I am so touched by people responding and trying to help. For the first time in years I feel less alone in this, even if it is sort of anonymous.

Thanks again.

smily

Fri, Jan 27 2006, 9:55 am

If you pm me I can tell you of a regular yeshivah that is working with my child