Sharing info about a poster

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Mon, Mar 02 2009, 5:31 pm

Is it appropriate, according to your personal ideals of etiquette, netiquette or the rules of this board to Pm members to reveal the personal story of another poster. Like, their background, details about their spouse or kids, etc.? Information that you obtained from another private board or IRL. Is there a specific situation in which you think it is okay?

ora_43

Mon, Mar 02 2009, 5:35 pm

Of course not Confused

.

I can see why in some circumstances you'd be tempted to in order to ask someone to go easy on another poster, but even then IMO it's very much not right. There's a reason people come on here under screen names, not their real names.

ShakleeMom

Mon, Mar 02 2009, 5:37 pm

Even in real life, it is not only Assur but also inappropriate. So why the internet? The written word is forever and is totally Assur.

greenfire

Mon, Mar 02 2009, 5:40 pm

sorry totally inappropriate ... I've been asked many times different things including but not limited to a poster's real name - I find it borders on stalking shock

not to mention NOYB (is that an abbr) ... or people who pm me and decide they know who I am - or think they know ... or better yet - want to know Banging head

amother

Mon, Mar 02 2009, 5:47 pm

*I* am the poster she is referring to, and she know who I am. talk about posting a one-sided story!!!

Yes, I did something wrong, but only because the OP was getting people upset inside a closed forum, and I thought I would help calm tempers down by telling them in private where she is coming from and why she is posting in what appeared to be a pretty rude manner. and youre talking about TWO PEOPLE here, not a dozen, and not on forum, but on an IM or PM.

I owned up to her and apologized but she wont accept my apology. I apologize again. I dont know what else to do besides for this. It was wrong, but I didnt do it to be mean or anything. I had good intentions, but it was still wrong.

amother

Mon, Mar 02 2009, 5:48 pm

If someone did this to you, admitted it, claimed they "didn't know it was wrong" and now wants to know how to make amends what would you say? Would you want to know word for word what info was shared and exactly to whom?

amother

Mon, Mar 02 2009, 5:52 pm

amother wrote:

*I* am the poster she is referring to, and she know who I am. talk about posting a one-sided story!!!

I didn't post any story. I asked a question.

amother

Mon, Mar 02 2009, 6:58 pm

It's been done to me - repeatedly - and it's NOT appreciated.

greenfire

Mon, Mar 02 2009, 7:10 pm

oh - this sounds like it should be in controversial section ... and here I thought crazy things only happened to me ... Rolling Eyes

ra_mom

Mon, Mar 02 2009, 7:13 pm

In my opinion, each poster on imamother, and in real life as well, has a right to privacy and the right to share information- only when and where, and to who they want to.
Leave it up to the poster to decide if she wants to defend herself and tell people why her views are the way they are, and where she is coming from.
I have no idea who or what you are talking about, and I hope I don't offend anyone with my post.

beautiful blessings

Mon, Mar 02 2009, 7:19 pm

amother wrote:

It's not clear to me who the OP in this thread is - the one who the private info was given TO, or the one who it was about. So I'm not sure who you are exactly, and where you come in.

It seems to me that you are the one who was spoken about. If that's the case, then if it was me, then I, too, would like to know exactly what was said, but I would recognize that it's probably hard for the guilty party to tell it all to me. If it's just a bunch of facts, then yes, for sure she should say. But if what was said were opinions about you ("everyone on the block thinks she's crazy"), then I think it's better that you don't know that.

In my opinion, the one who tattled and told you that someone said something about you, is the one that I'm most upset with! Stirring up trouble is not a good idea!

Lechatchila Ariber

Mon, Mar 02 2009, 7:31 pm

bb seems to me the OP was spoken about and the other amother is the one who spoke.

Of course it's never right to share info about someone without their info but it sounds like she apologized.

Quote:

In my opinion, the one who tattled and told you that someone said something about you, is the one that I'm most upset with! Stirring up trouble is not a good idea!

also true.
Causing machloikes is a serious thing

amother

Mon, Mar 02 2009, 7:39 pm

The only one who clued me in that I was spoken about in private was the "info sharer" by posting on a thread that she figured out who I was.

Emee

Mon, Mar 02 2009, 7:51 pm

OP
I really think you should try to forgive her. We all know she has a good heart and means well and she didn't mean to hurt you she really was trying to defned you. I am not saying it is right but she has apologized.

Mod2

Mon, Mar 02 2009, 8:47 pm

We should all be careful what we share about others, sometimes it can save someone and sometimes it can cause a 'fire' .A good point too Emee.

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