I feel horrible! :(

imamama

Wed, Dec 09 2009, 4:27 am

I just want to preface this by saying that usually DS sleeps beautifully through the night, this is not an ongoing problem. I'm mostly just venting about feeling like a monster and a horrible parent when my child really needed me.

Last night my 3 year old DS, was just having a very difficult time staying asleep. If he wakes up in middle of the night, I usually go to him, because he mostly just wants me to cover him again, or kiss him again or fill up his sippy cup or something. Last night he woke up 5 times between 8 pm and 2 am. For the first three times, I wasn't in bed yet, so it was fine. I didn't mind going in and putting him back to sleep. By the fourth time, I asked him if he wanted to sleep in the guest room (which would make my life easier because he sleeps in a crib in his room, but he'd sleep in the bed in the guest room, and then if he wakes up again, he can just get out of bed and come to me.) He agreed, and I put him to sleep in the guest room.

Maybe an hour later I hear him calling for me. I don't bother getting up. I figure he's gonna figure it out eventually that he can just get out of the bed and come to my room. But he's crying and crying and it's getting louder and more desperate, and I'm getting angrier and angrier because it's 2 am and I've barely slept a wink. Finally, after 15 minutes of hollering, I stomp out of bed, and throw open the guestroom door and yell, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?!?!"

And he points to a pair of pants hanging on a hook behind the door, and says, "It's very scary. Can you hold me?" And I realize that the pants hanging there in the dark must look like some kind of deformed face or monster or whatever, and he couldn't even leave the room because the pants were blocking his way. And I just felt so terrible for yelling at him and for letting him cry for so long... Crying

He was just a scared little boy.

Can you all tell me now that I'm not a horrible person? Sad

cinnamon

Wed, Dec 09 2009, 5:02 am

Your not a terrible person imamama, your just human and a tird human at that.
You didn't know ds can't get out of bed since he usually does when he sleeps in the guest room.

when ever somthing like this happens to me I tell myself that when H' made me a mommy he could have made me superwomen that doesn't need to eat or sleep or get some alone time. He could have made me always calm and happy but he didn't.

Instead he kept me the way I am. I get tird and moody and I make mistakes and he did this for a reason. As long as I really do my best to be a good mom I can leave the rest up to Him. When I do make a mistake and blow up or let dd cry when I shouldn't I know it is whats best for my daughter right then. This does not mean that I don't have to work on myself just that if I am doing my best It is o.k if I blow up somtimes because H' doesn't give anyone something they can't handle and grow from and that includes my kids. and rtheir mom screaming at them.

There is a serial in the hebrew mishpacha. In one of the eppisodes they were taliking about parental mistakes and how they are from hashem the charecter said something like this:

'Imagine you were given a great barren strech of land and enough building materials to build a city. what would you be able to build?

Now imagine that a master architec came and drew intricate patterns on the land. deep grooves and long lines to mark where roads and buildings should go.
wouldn't having an outline from a master architec make you able to build a much better city then having an empty land?

H' gave our kids us with all our faults with all the mistakes we make and it will help them build the most wonderfull city...'

hope this helped a bit Smile