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amother






Post  Tue, May 30 2006, 1:55 pm
is it possible to love one child more than another? I know you will all attack b/c you r supposed to say its not possible, but is it really?
what if one gives you a lot more agmas nefesh?
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ButterflyGarden




 
 
 


Post  Tue, May 30 2006, 2:03 pm
In bereshiet we see this more than once. However, my guess would be that you don't actually love one child more, you just have less frustration. Wouldn't you still take his nisayonim if you could?
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chen




 
 
 


Post  Tue, May 30 2006, 2:14 pm
of course it is. the trick is not to act like it.
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granolamom




 
 
 


Post  Tue, May 30 2006, 2:24 pm
I'll bet you love all your children to the same extent (you'd do anything for each one of them). Of course it happens that a parent sometimes connects with one child in a special way or has a hard time relating with another. thats personality coming into play. I think that's normal and perfectly ok as long as you aren't giving preferential treatment to anyone or treating a more difficult child with less affection.
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amother






Post  Tue, May 30 2006, 9:24 pm
chen wrote:
of course it is. the trick is not to act like it.


you are certainly right!!!! let me tell you about my experience. I have a brother who was always a little tzufloigen. dropped things, spilled things, absentminded etc.............but he was very smart, good kid etc.

my mother always told us - the older kids, that she did not love him and has a hard time being nice to him. is that ridiculous or what?!?!?!?

the only thing I'd suggest for you is to not let on that you like one more than the other. don't ever ever ever share it with anyone!!! it's the worst thing possible for a child's self esteem.

of course my brother knew and knows what what said about him!! and of course it always made us wonder if my mother felt the same about us and discussed it behind our backs.

in my opinion, you may hate the actions of a child, but you should always the love child.
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amother






Post  Tue, May 30 2006, 10:05 pm
Quote:
of course my brother knew and knows what what said about him!!

Crying my heart goes out to him. How does he deal with this? I hope he stays away from your mother!
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amother






Post  Fri, Jul 07 2006, 2:03 am
One of my dear children is "behaviorally-challenged" and at times it drives me to the brink of insanity! I have done self-talk that sounds like this, "I hate you I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", of course in my mind only, for I wouldn't want my child to EVER hear me say that.
I have my fair share and some more of frustration frustrations frustrations with this particular child, yet I love her just the same as the others. I tune into her needs and try to provide for them. Just as with the other kids. Perhaps a bit more, because I understand she's more sensitive. One of the other kids has often asked me, "Ma, right you don't love Shoshana?" And my response always is, I sure love Shoshana, I love you all the same! Shoshana is having a hard time, she may be hurting inside and doesn't know how to say it so she behaves in this way. It just tells me that she needs help right now. That's ok. I still love her.
At other times, my kids have asked me whom I love best. My standard response to that one, "I love you all the same!"
"But Ma, yesterday when you tucked me into bed you said I was your best child....."
And I say, "Yes, mamale, you ARE my best Avigail!" "And Shoshana is my best Shoshana!" And "Yochanan is my best Yochanan!"
If I had limited resources and had to choose which on of my children to give it to, I couldn't make that choice. I love them all equally.
I agree with one of above posters, that I may be more FRUSTRATED by that child, but I love her just the same.
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