Listenning to only one parent

lucy

Wed, Feb 02 2005, 10:58 am

I was reading the thread on discipline & it made me think of this ? 'cause many of my friends have this problem: What does one do when a child seems to favor & listen to only one parent?

ForeverYoung
Guest

Wed, Feb 02 2005, 11:03 am

the parents needs to re-asses the situation and modify their behavior that led to such outcome.
Such situation is a direct result of image that both parents project

amother

Wed, Feb 02 2005, 3:41 pm

FY- what if you have a child that solely listens to the father and the mother is home all day with them. The father tries to reinforce and say listen to mommy or I agree with mommy it doesn't help?

Motek

Wed, Feb 02 2005, 4:36 pm

the mother learns how to be an effective disciplinarian

Tefila

Wed, Feb 02 2005, 4:39 pm

Quote:

the mother learns how to be an effective disciplinarian

Exactly

miriam

Thu, Feb 03 2005, 12:47 am

Hey freilich, what is your little guy screaming to us?

ForeverYoung
Guest

Thu, Feb 03 2005, 10:14 am

Often there is a disbalance in parenting b/c there is a disbalance in relationship, or a personal issue.

Example: we know a couple with 2 kids. When the father is with them, they're regular, maby a bit more sensitive kids. When the mother is with them, they're histerical. Why? b/c she over-reacts to everything
So kids know that all they need to do is to start crying, and they got it.

Children 'read' their parents and act accordingly.

There are many possibilities as to why children ignore 1 parent. Some of them are:

1. the 'weak' parent feels that the spouce doesn't pay attention to them and tries to draw the attention by the weakness

2. the 'weak' parent might have low self-esteem and doesn't expect the obedience

3. the 'weak' parent never follows through on the punishments and therefore children know that there are no consequences, so who cares?

4. The 'strong' parent might be ignoring the requests of the 'weak' parent, and children just repeat the behavior

5. There is an issue in the marriage & children 'pick' their favorite. Or even worse so, one parent badmouthes the other to the children.

6. Children feel that they have to behave in a sertain way to allow the parents to keep the 'disbalance' in their marriage as is, b/c if childbearing problems will dissapear, the parents will have to face their own issues.

7. Children are very upset (insulted) with a parent about something.

Now, I would suggest that the 'weak' parent should try to sit down and figure out what is happening. Or both spouces should do it together.

HOWEVER, it is very hard to find a fault within yourself There are very few people who can face their weeknesses. The're more likely to blame it on the weather and hormones than to say: I have a problem, I need to change. more so if there are issues in marriage

Threfore, if being consistent, with the support of the spouce, doesn't change anything in about a month or so, the spouces might want to look into consulting a therapist (in NY one may be able to get 'family training' for free via Early intervention - pm me for a place where you can get a reliable therapist).[/b]

Tefila

Thu, Feb 03 2005, 12:35 pm

Miriam was trying to find an emoticon that showed discipline... this was the closest Very Happy

supermom

Mon, Apr 25 2005, 12:31 pm

I know I am a bit late but I got an issue that needs to be dealt with my three year old listens to me all day long I am very strong with her etc. once my husband comes home oh boy she lets loose. he is her favorate everything she wants he gives her no matter what it is. and if she can't get it she hollers and screams until he gives in. and when I try to put my to sense in oy vey not a good thing I am screaming at his baby. now he doesn't see anything wrong with it. how do I stop this? I am afraid she will be out of control. my other daugther listens to both of us and I don't have that problem.

queenie

Tue, May 03 2005, 12:30 am

Hey freilich, where did you get that cute emoticon?

Tefila

Tue, May 03 2005, 5:20 pm

Hi queenie from fy link in emoticons in miscallenious thread or general chatting. Best of all it's free! 8)

ForeverYoung
Guest

Wed, May 04 2005, 12:53 pm

Quote:

he doesn't see anything wrong with it. how do I stop this?

this is your problem in the nutshell.

untill your husband will stop giving in, it won't stop.

imho.

supermom

Thu, May 05 2005, 12:46 pm

I don't want her to grow up to be a spoiled brat so to say. Sad

chochma73

Mon, May 09 2005, 1:19 pm

Sometimes it is just that they miss the other parent because they don't get to see them all that much.

For instance in my house when I am home and my husband is at work the kids listen to me without problem but when tatty comes home everything has to be asked or okay'd by him fist. Another but... this does not happen so much on Sunday's when the kids have been with thier tatty all over Shabbos so I think it can also be a way to get attention.

supermom

Mon, May 09 2005, 2:54 pm

this attacthment has been going on since I weaned her. and now she is three years old. she sees him in the morning when she wakes up until she goes to school, when she comes home he is there as a matter of a fact he picks her up from school. the only time she doesn't see him is when she goes to sleep.

proudmom

Mon, May 09 2005, 3:29 pm

Speak to you husband about this. Its not good for her supermom

chochma73

Mon, May 09 2005, 3:40 pm

proudmom wrote:

Speak to you husband about this. Its not good for her supermom

I agree just because she is "his little girl" doesn't mean she should get whatever she wants from abba, your husband has to understand that there have to be limits even with his angel

supermom

Tue, May 10 2005, 1:20 am

been there done that. I am trying a new system with her if she doesn't cry all the time especially when my husband comes home I give her stickers. and so far it is somewhat working.

supermom

Mon, Jun 06 2005, 12:54 pm

update here. well anyway my husband got a little bit fed up with all her crying for no reason and started to put his foot down so at least now we are a gang instead of against eachother makes the disipline ten times easier.

gryp

Mon, Jun 06 2005, 1:09 pm

supermom- im so glad to hear that. thats the way things are supposed to be!