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In this week's Jewish Press...what do you think?
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Crayon210




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 12:55 pm
happymom wrote:
I think they need to be aware though of things that can and have happened with non jewish babysitters. (non kosher food... etc)


Why do you feel the need to tell people about some of the things you might have heard about people's non-Jewish baby-sitters? If you have information about someone's baby-sitter, then fine. But just to tell stories about non-Jewish baby-sitters is mean and inconsiderate to mothers who'd rather not send the kids out to begin with.

Quote:
Also, I dont understand how a mother can feel comfortable sending their kids to a babysitter, or having one in their home when they don't even know what is happening! There are ways to "check" out the babysitter. my sister for example had a hidden camera in her house to see if her babysitter that she had for two hours a day was actually as good as "they say." thank g-d she was but u really NEVER know.


Some people actually interview their baby-sitters and call references and make inquiries before hiring them. Can you believe it? Rolling Eyes

Also, not everyone has the money to buy a hidden camera, and did you know that they're ILLEGAL in certain states if used without the subject's permission?!
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happymom




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 1:00 pm
Quote:
Some people actually interview their baby-sitters and call references and make inquiries before hiring them. Can you believe it?



that exactly my point. theres still no way of knowing unless u actually check up on them. I dont see why u are getting so offended by my posts, or rather why u think they are rude. I think its importnat for ppl to hear. U obviously dont hear the same comments from people that I do. If you would, u would understand why I am posting like this. I have so many friends who send thier children to babysitter because they are cheaper (sometims ONE dollar cheaper) but in a dangerous situation. (8 kids, and one adult! shock ) I actually asked this babysitter, what would u do if u had to go the the bathroom? she told me she puts all the kids in a playpen or brib shock I have a friend who told me her babysitter is amazing. I saw this babysitter in the park with her kids. she was ignoring the most of the time while chatting with friends. I know crayon sometimes mothers do this too. its different though when u are paying someone to watch ure kids, and u are trusting them, and really u have no idea what they are REALLY doing.


Last edited by happymom on Fri, Jun 30 2006, 1:07 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Crayon210




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 1:06 pm
Because I think that you're assuming that working moms are irresponsible and don't do their research and follow-up on the baby-sitters they hire.

You don't need to take care of all the children on imamother.com, they have loving mothers who can figure out if the baby-sitters are good ones.
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happymom




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 1:08 pm
Quote:
You don't need to take care of all the children on Imamother.com, they have loving mothers who can figure out if the baby-sitters are good ones.


I am not taking care of the children here. I am posting my opinions about children and babysitters. U dont have to agree with me.

One more thing I forgot to write in my above post- I went to a shiur yesterday. One of my friends brought her baby. her baby was crawling all over. Another friend mentioned how her baby is older and is not crawling yet. The woman responded (with a smile) " I bring my baby to a babysitter, and the babysitter leaves her on the floor with toys, and doesn't hold her unless she needs to eat, so she was basically forced to crawl because she needs to play by herself most of the day." shock I can not understand how a mother can say that, and think thats a GOOD thing! I was in shock. (which I really shouldn't be by now.... Rolling Eyes )


Last edited by happymom on Fri, Jun 30 2006, 1:15 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Crayon210




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 1:12 pm
You said that you think that the women should know about what goes on with non-Jewish baby-sitters. That's not just expressing an opinion.
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happymom




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 1:13 pm
Quote:
You said that you think that the women should know about what goes on with non-Jewish baby-sitters


that sounds like an opinion to me. "I THINK" meaning this is what I believe is right. why is that not my opinion?? Confused
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Crayon210




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 1:15 pm
And I'm just curious why you think you need to let people know about bad things that happen with non-Jewish baby-sitters. You don't think that mothers often entertain thoughts that things are not perfect and might feel worried? I know lots of women who hate leaving their kids behind, and feel terrible about it, but know that they have no other choice. They are aware that things might not be perfect, but they feel trapped. So now you come along and harp on their fears? Very nice.
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healthymama




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 1:18 pm
How many of us were raised by working moms ? How many of us went to daycare ? How many of us were maybe even raised by nonJews (any geirim here )?

Let me go out on a limb and say that being raised by a working mom or even a nonJewish one does *not* mean that you will be flawed in any way.
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happymom




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 1:19 pm
Quote:
And I'm just curious why you think you need to let people know about bad things that happen with non-Jewish baby-sitters


because although im sure most mothers do care, MANY times (I know of ppl in this situation) DONT make sure that their kids are in the best situation possible! Ok, they need to have a babysitter. MOTHERS DO have a choice of who they pick. and I think its the mothers responsibility to check up on her children and see how the babysitter really is. I DON'T understand why u are so concerned that my post isnt nice. I have seen sooooo many kids not be treated right by their babysitters. it shouldn't bother me???? I shouldn't mention anything???? Even if one mother check out what her babysitter is really doing, I feel my post would be worth it. I cannot understand why u disagree with what I am writing. U can, but I still dont get it. What does needing to work, and making sure that ure babysitter is ACTUALLY GOOD have to do with each other???
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happymom




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 1:23 pm
Quote:
How many of us were raised by working moms ? How many of us went to daycare ? How many of us were maybe even raised by nonJews (any geirim here )?

Let me go out on a limb and say that being raised by a working mom or even a nonJewish one does *not* mean that you will be flawed in any way.


I feel very fortunate that I was raised by a stay at home mother. even though we were on shluchus, and even though there were many things my mother could have done, she always made sure that she was home when we came home from school, and when there was a baby around....

I have a friend who decided to be a sahm and her reason is because of her horrible experience growing up with a babysitter. there are always exceptions, I am talking about in general.
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Crayon210




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 1:24 pm
I can't imagine that the women on this site don't check out the baby-sitters and make sure everything is okay. I think people are more responsible than you're giving them credit for. I also think you're needlessly scaring a lot of women and making them feel bad.
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happymom




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 1:25 pm
crayon, I know its hard to imajine, but becasue I know ppl like this I feel I want to mention it. If ppl do proper research and MAKE SURE their chilren are happy and safe, then they have no reason to be scared or feel guilty. If someone however doesnt do that, then they should feel scared. maybe thats a good thing.

Quote:
I think people are more responsible than you're giving them credit for


some are and some arent.
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luv2beamother




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 1:27 pm
Happymom, I think you need to understand that not everybody is like you. You are a wonderful person but sorry, not necessarily do other people want to be and live like you. People have different personalities and lifestyles. and not everybody is happy to be at home with their kids all day, for any number of reasons. and some people (like me) really enjoy what they do (I teach 3 hrs. right now I have one kid and the babysitters are frum women and in the school builiding - soi can nurse. I have it great b'h.)
It wouldn't be in everybody's best interest to do what you're doing - whether or not they're affected by femenist movement doesn't matter!! this is what makes them and dh happy - and when the parents are happy and have good shalom bayis I can assure you the children will be happy too. (unless the babysitter is really bad - which would just mean they should get a new babysitter). if s/b forces themselves to live very poorly to stay at home, they might be unhappy.. which would not make for good shalom bayis and mothering.
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happymom




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 1:36 pm
I know and agree that not everyone has to be like me. everyone is different. my point isnt that everyone has to be a sahm. my point is that people should realize that if they cant be home with their child they need to make sure that their chilren are happy and they should ceck up on their babysitter to see how good they really are. I said in my previous post that if someone knows thier baby is happy and safe , then they have nothing to feel guilty.
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cindy324




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 2:43 pm
Motek, Crayon, Nicole I completely agree with you guys. Look, I stay at home because B"H I'm able to, but believe me , sometimes I'd love to just get out for a few hours a day even though I don't have to.

We're not all supermommies, some of us would make better , more relaxed , and happier mommies if we were away from home for a few hours, and as another poster pointed it out, happy mommies make happy babies.

I was totally outraged by the letter writer for a few reasons. For one, how dare she insult women by saying "they're too stupid to understand the abc's of birth control"??? And this is from a woman struggling with infertility advocating birth control for others??!

And how dare he undermine others' need to work? How dare she assume she knows all about others financial situation.

As for women working because their husbands sit and learn - while I'm not a fan of this arrangement, I do know that those learners who are REALLY learners and are seriously dedicated to it are doing a very important job in this world - how dare she critisize these people who barely make a living as it is ??

Anyways, I'd like to see some of the angry responses that may come in next week!

Quote:
Crayon, why do u think its not nice to post a view that staying home is btter for the children? I find it not nice when ppl arent saying things like "I know its MUCH BETTER for mom to be with the kids, but right now I have no chpice" they are NOT saying that! what many mothers say is this "Not only do I need to work to be happy and a good mother etc... its a GOOD THING TO WORK



Yes , some women need to work to be happy and a good mother! Some women need the adult stimulation they get by working, and yes they feel they're happier and more patient with their kids, when they're not with them all day long, because like another poster (can't remmeber who, sorry)said, there are some who feel like shoving their kids onto their husbands at the end of the day, believe me I've felt like that more than once.
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happymom




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 3:03 pm
Quote:
I think it's not nice to say these mothers have worse relationships with their kids and that they're doing something wrong by going to work, even though lots of moms do it because they HAVE TO. And to start bashing the baby-sitters, making the moms feel even worse...


I am sorry but where did I say this??? Confused That def. was not my point.
I said a few times that if the babies are happy and safe, and the mothers have no choice but to work, then the mothers have no reason to feel guilty....[/code]

Quote:
We're not all supermommies, some of us would make better , more relaxed , and happier mommies if we were away from home for a few hours, and as another poster pointed it out, happy mommies make happy babies.


of course! and its very importnat for every mother to get out. just because u dont work doesnt mean u cant get out.... and working is not the ONLY way to get out. again, im not saying noone should work, my point is working isnt the ONLY way for a mother to be happy. and btw, no mother would be happy at home ALL DAY, even sah mothers. I dont see why the only two chooice are 1) wrk and get out a little or
2) stay home and never get out... thats not the way I look at it. there are many more options besides just those 2.

Quote:
there are some who feel like shoving their kids onto their husbands at the end of the day, believe me I've felt like that more than once.


Im sure every mother feels like that at times. thats a normal feeling. I dont see why having that feeling at the end of the day is a reason to send the children to a babysitter.
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amother






Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 6:09 pm
I think mothers have to realize that their #1 job is mother. Meaning, ur babies optimal care is with their mother. If whatever reason u cant be there for them, u should always know your focus, your job is to be there for them. U can say xyz reason y u r not there, or u will put in a great daycare etc., but there needs to be more stress on that it is best for your baby to be the mommy.
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amother






Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 6:12 pm
A experienced teacher who heads a daycare and preschool, told me how she sees the difference in the children who come from homes where the parents r working.
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amother






Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 6:24 pm
parents think look my child is so well adjusted in playgroup, he's loving it... let me just tell u in my opinion that there r women who r very frum and having big families but they r forgetting the point is not just to deliver babies but to also nurture them and take care of them, these parents r suffering b/c they r watching they're children going off the derech or s/t else.
its like eating healthy etc. u dont nescessarily notice the effects short term but later on the effects r quite open for e/o to see.
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Estee2




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 30 2006, 7:14 pm
Quote:
Quote:
not everybody is happy to be at home with their kids all day, for any number of reasons. and some people (like me) really enjoy what they do (



This is a topic with many dimensions such as need and neccesity,
but since when is our happiness and fullfilment on a daily basis
more important than our children's feelings and upbringing ??

(An outing or solo trip every once in a while is basic for our sanity,
but I am talking daily -- if the child has to be with a [gentile] ?!?)
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