Do you let boys/girls eat at your house?

luvshopping

Fri, May 21 2010, 4:35 am

I just got an offer to eat by a close friend but dd is really uncomfortable. She's 14 and my friend has a 16 or 17 year old son. Should I do it anyways? We were invited cuz of an emergency with our family but I once invited my friend and she said her son was uncomfortable about it also. We usually don't have families over that have teenage boys cuz of dd.

HindaRochel

Fri, May 21 2010, 4:54 am

Can your daughter eat elsewhere? I think if you need to you need to, just don't sit the kids near each other or expect them to converse.

Tablepoetry

Fri, May 21 2010, 5:09 am

I agree with Hinda. I don't see why this should be uncomfortable. Obviously they aren't the types to strike up a conversation together. There will be several other people around. What's the big deal? It's not a shidduch meeting in a dark hotel lobby.

So to answer your question, yes, I let boys/girls eat at my house - but I'm probably not the target audience you had in mind, since I am not a big advocate of gender separation.

Tamiri

Fri, May 21 2010, 5:26 am

I am with HR and Table. I can understand your daughter and the options are: she goes to a friend or she sits next to you and your woman friend, with the boys across from her and far away :lol:
By us, no one cares. Boys and girls mingle socially.

Aidelmom

Fri, May 21 2010, 5:32 am

In general I wouldn't invite teenage boys and girls together. Sending her to a friend if she's willing sounds like a good idea. However if she needs to be with you and she really will feel very uncomfortable I don't know that its right to do that to her.

Isramom8

Fri, May 21 2010, 5:58 am

I try to avoid it, but if it happens that a teen of one gender invited friends and the other-gender sib is home, we just seat the genders at different ends of the table. Although one dd hates that. (She feels pushed aside and can't sing.)

Mrs Bissli

Fri, May 21 2010, 8:46 am

Among our circles, there's absolutely nothing wrong. Do people NOT invite families if they have teenage children of opposite genders from your offsprings?

lizard8

Fri, May 21 2010, 9:10 am

Growing up sort of OOT, my family grew up with my parents friends and their families. Over the years we always had meals together, went away sundays together, summer vacation homes together... As we got older we kept conversation neutral in between genders, but we still talked. Nothing bad or sketchy came out of it.

Raisin

Fri, May 21 2010, 2:15 pm

Mrs Bissli wrote:

Among our circles, there's absolutely nothing wrong. Do people NOT invite families if they have teenage children of opposite genders from your offsprings?

it really depends on your circles.

This post makes me realise that there should really be a chareidi section on imamother where people can feel comfortable asking such a question. Sure, in MO or DL families this would not be an issue. In many chareidi families it would.

luvshopping

Fri, May 21 2010, 3:00 pm

In our circles many times it is an issue. I'm oot but yeshivish and the friend is too. Dd eating at a friend sounds like a good idea. I know dh didn't let me invite a family cuz they have like 3 teenage boys. I find it's one thing if its the brother inviting his friends over than if it's just two families. Dd doesn't have any unmarried brothers at home and was a baby when her brothers were bochurim so she has a certain uncomfortable feeling around boys.

Fox

Fri, May 21 2010, 7:57 pm

I'm with Isramom8; I try to avoid this situation, but sometimes it's unavoidable for various reasons. In those cases, I sit the opposite gender teenagers at different ends of the table and in different "conversation groups."