Did your husband promise to name your unborn child a name?

yiddishe vayb

Fri, May 21 2010, 5:55 pm

My friend recently told me that her husband davened
by a certain tzadiks kever and promised to name their first
born son after this rebbe.

Would you be upset If your husband made such a promise
before marriage that you now felt you were obligated to keep
to?

How would you/ did you feel?

Last edited by yiddishe vayb on Fri, May 21 2010, 6:00 pm; edited 1 time in total

prettyone

Fri, May 21 2010, 5:59 pm

seems a little far out. not many pple do this I would think. cant he do hataras nedarim? Im sure the gadol he davened by would rather he do that then get into a shalom bayis issue

manhattanmom

Fri, May 21 2010, 6:01 pm

It would depend on the particular circumstances. But a promise is definitely a promise and something like that (I.e. the wife not agreeing) should definitely be addressed by an adam gadol.

louche

Fri, May 21 2010, 6:11 pm

tough noogies if he had--in my family the wife has dibs on the first child. and anyway, we didn't have a bechor, we had a bechorah.

chaylizi

Fri, May 21 2010, 7:44 pm

I had first dibs on the first boy's name. It was something I asked when I was going out with DH. It meant enough to me to inquire whether any male relatives carried the same name, while I was still doing the asking. It might sound weird, but after 20 some years of dreaming of naming after my father, I wasn't giving it up for someone I had never met. Now that my ds is indeed named after my father, we can continue moving along the list of family names.

Besiyata Dishmaya

Sat, May 22 2010, 5:02 pm

Never heard of a bochur promising a name after someone without discussing it with his wife or kallah. Did he discuss it with you before marriage? If not, did he just promise it in his mind or did he actually say it to someone? What if his father-in-law or one of his wife's grandfather's have the same name? How would he be able to fulfill his promise?

hadasa

Sat, May 22 2010, 6:03 pm

This reminds me of the story going around a few years ago about the childless Israeli who was talked into going to R' Elimelech of Lizhensk's Tziyun and promising to name his son after him.
He did have a son, but his wife insisted on adding a modern Israeli name, Noam. So the baby was named Noam Elimelech, which happens to be the title of R' Elimelech's Sefer.

Besiyata Dishmaya

Sat, May 22 2010, 6:11 pm

hadasa wrote:

Cute story.

shalhevet

Sat, May 22 2010, 6:33 pm

Besiyata Dishmaya wrote:

hadasa wrote:

Cute story.

I don't find it cute, because many people would hold that he didn't name after R' Elimelech at all (though I'm not so sure it's even true and not just some urban legend considering how many times I've heard it).

amother

Sat, May 22 2010, 8:32 pm

My husband didn't; I did. But it was a name that I would have given anyhow because it was a family name on my side.

Debbyl

Sun, May 23 2010, 12:21 am

I know someone who had two girls and promised to name his next child elimelech after R' Elimelech if only he has a boy of course. His next one was a boy and he did not keep his promise. He then had four more boys and only after his fifth boy he realized that "hey", He'll probably go on to have another ten boys if he doesn't keep that promise so he named his fifth son Elimelech and of course his next child was a girl! Smile

Mama Bear

Sun, May 23 2010, 12:33 am

one of my friends named her son noam elimelech, after the noam elimelech!!! and she does call him noam, of course...

life'sgreat

Sun, May 23 2010, 12:49 am

If one promised a name, regardless of the circumstances, it isn't so simple to just disregard the name. Please discuss this with a rav.

amother

Sun, May 23 2010, 1:00 am

I was pregnant and dr. thought I was miscarrying.
a rav close to dh was niftar and he promised the name if the pregnancy goes and I have a boy.
b'h had a healthy boy

amother

Sun, May 23 2010, 3:36 am

I did so after I was married.
It was after a relative (his) and kind of a spur of the moment promise that I didn't have the oppertunity or the sechel to discuss with my dh(twas at the relatives levaya). I was married over a year and was not pregnant yet. 3 months later I became preg and the baby was the same gender as the niftar.

shevi82

Sun, May 23 2010, 3:41 am

When my dh was a teen his grandfather who he was very close to passed away, and my dh promised himself that he would name his first son after him. B"h his grandfather had a name I always loved so our oldest ds is named after him.

amother

Sun, May 23 2010, 5:13 am

My husband was at rabbi shimon bar yochai's kever and promised to
name first born son shimon if he got married within a year. We were engaged a
month later. No child ye. But I'm not happy with his decision. Although I'm glad to
be married and will be thrilled I'm"yH whenever Hashem does bless us with a child I
still think it was a little selfish of my husband to not even think what if my future wife
doesn't want that name. He told me only After we were married two months. Am I crazy
I was a little upset??

Tablepoetry

Sun, May 23 2010, 5:51 am

amother wrote:

Not crazy at all. I would be upset too. A name is such a significant thing. I always spent months choosing for each baby, and TOGETHER we would debate and veto each option.
I would find a respected rabbi who could find a solution (maybe use Shimon as a middle name?)